Before I could decide one way or another, a tall figure loomed over my hunchbacked position. Crossword Man. He held out a slim tanned hand before coiling himself onto his chair.
Up close he was gorgeous. Even my one-man libido sat up and took notice. Smooth coffee skin, sleek black hair, perfectteeth and dark brown eyes with amber flecks, but there was something distant and aloof about him.
‘Anthony,’ he announced in a deep voice adding, ‘and you are?’ His mouth curved with a slight hint of disdain, as if there was a nasty smell under his nose.
* * *
‘Hi, Anthony.’ My heart thudded uncomfortably. Why had I let myself in for this? ‘I’m Olivia.’
Settling himself onto his seat, he seemed at ease, almost as if he was conducting an interview. I wished I felt that confident or could even pretend to be.
He leaned back and paused for a moment, as if putting a great deal of thought into his next words. With great ceremony his fingers came together in a delicate point under his chin. ‘Tell me. What was the last film you saw?’
The grave expression on his face should have told me this was a potential deal breaker, but my mouth had disconnected itself from my brain and the words, ‘Pretty Woman,’ popped out.
Whoops. Should have gone for something more worthy. What the hell was the name of that film all the critics had liked? The one I fidgeted all the way through.
‘What was the last film you saw?’ I asked in desperation.
‘Idle Airs in Blue. Don’t suppose you’ve seen it?’ His tone suggested that I’d probably never heard of it either.
‘That was it,’ I said with relief. See, not a total philistine. ‘Just couldn’t remember the name.’
Scepticism was written in capitals all over his face.
Arrogant sod. Time to pull out the big guns. Show him that I did have a brain. ‘Great film. The cinematography was incredible, those sunrise shots with the main protagonist werebreathtaking, and the acting was superb but there were a few flaws in the plot, didn’t you think?’
He blinked, his eyelids dipping so slowly he reminded me of a languorous lizard. I didn’t give him a chance to speak. ‘The lead character was totally unbelievable and unsympathetic. As if she’d go back to teaching. A very anti-climactic ending. Do you know? I think the writer and director ran out of steam. Just thought, “We’ve done our bit, let’s wrap this up sharpish.” ’
‘My brother wrote the screenplay.’
If there’s a God, he hates me.
‘Wow.’ I ignored his icy stare. ‘Bet your mum’s really proud.’ Please don’t let her be dead, blind or have abandoned him at birth.
‘Yes, she is. We all went to the premiere together.’
There was an expectant pause.
‘Did you meet many of the cast?’
Back on safe ground, I listened hoping my look of rapt attention was convincing. I didn’t need to say much, just interject with the odd, ‘Really? How lovely,’ and ‘Gosh, how fantastic.’
Who knew that three minutes could last such a long time?
The penguin, one of a variety of kitsch novelty timers that Barney had thoughtfully supplied to each table, finally buzzed into life so violently that it was in danger of vibrating its way off the table. Around the room half a dozen lemons, chickens and assorted peppers began to jump about.
Clutching the quivering penguin with gratitude, I almost fell over the table leg in my haste to get away. I’d known I’d be rubbish at this. Stopping to rub the lump already appearing, I was caught by Barney who hissed in my ear. ‘Girls stay put.’
As Anthony disappeared, I heavily circled around the ‘no’ box on my little scorecard. Not that I needed to, judging fromthe curl of distaste on his full lips, he wouldn’t be ticking my box. One down, another nine to go.
* * *
Date number two loomed over me. Hoping he hadn’t seen my vehement reaction to his predecessor’s tick box, I bobbed up to say hello, shoving the scorecard under my bum.
‘Hi,’ I muttered from my Quasimodo position, half-standing and half-sitting. He immediately grasped the table and pulled it, giving me room to straighten up.
‘Thank you.’ My thighs relaxed in relief. ‘I’m Olivia.’
