He hadn’t meant to waken his sleeping wife. ‘John, is something the matter?’ she asked. ‘A nightmare?’
‘Oh, no, I…’
What was there about this calm lady he had married because he’d had to? Even now, her hair a mess and her nightgown somewhere else, she radiated serenity where none was to be had, not with their nation at war.
‘Tell me, please.’
He did, making it a brief story of his ship in the South Pacific coming across the foundering wreck of another frigate. He’d still been a midshipman, unused to the sight of so much death, rendered even more sad in such a lonely spot with no help in sight.
In the telling, Anna moved closer, her flesh warm and comforting. Bolstered by her kindness, he told her how his captain had put his own hands over his weeping midshipman’s eyes.
John took a deep breath and another. ‘I was so embarrassed, wondering what my captain thought of me. He told me, “Sometimes this is all you can do, and then you must forget, or it will destroy you”.’
Why did he have to tell Annathat? She was silent, and he wondered if she had changed her opinion of him, whatever that was. How would he know? He might as well spill it all.
‘So many times…too many times…in the last ten years, I have put my hands over my own eyes.’
He held his breath and then nearly died from delight when she firmly pressed her hands over his eyes. ‘Do you not remember that I did this to you that night you knocked on my door?’
Oh, God, she had. ‘How could I have forgotten that?’
She took her hands away. ‘What a night that was! Only ask, John. Or don’t ask. I will know. I trust you will, too, if ever I need your hands over my eyes.’
He slept in her arms most soundly until morning and eight bells. He wanted her again, but he knew duty called. She only smiled at him. ‘We’ll keep. Go and be a captain.’
They sailed from Gibraltar on good winds. Anna knew now to ask permission to come onto the quarterdeck, which her husband gladly gave. He seated her in the wonderful canvas chair and she promptly fell asleep, worn out from little sleep.
The blast of the bosun’s pipe jerked her wide awake. She looked around, frightened, then relaxed as Mr Marsing gave her a hands-down sign. Where was John?
‘Ma’am, he just had the bosun pipe Assembly,’ the lieutenant said.
‘Assembly?’
‘Ma’am, he does something I’ve never seen another captain do.’ He looked skyward, perhaps wondering if he was betraying a confidence, then plunged ahead. ‘Some day if I ever captain a ship, I will do the same thing.’
‘Which is…’
‘He’s going to read Admiral Collingwood’s orders out loud, so everyone knows what we will be doing on theSwallow.’
‘Don’t all captains do that?’
‘Precious few. I know other officers and crew who would happily sail on theSwallow, simply because of him. He treats us as equals,’ he said, his voice soft, almost in awe. ‘Some things must remain secret, but he has an instinct about what can be said for the benefit of all.’
‘I believe I would do that, too,’ she told him, then felt the warmth rising from her neck. ‘As if we ladies would evercommand anything. Maybe when Hades becomes the North Pole.’
Mr Marsing laughed, which made a deckhand stare in awe. ‘Aha, ma’am! You’re a plain speaker like the Old Ma… Captain Beattie.’
‘So was my brother,’ she said softly. ‘Will was just as bad.’
‘I remember,’ Mr Marsing said, at ease now. ‘I miss him, too. I have big shoes to fill, ma’am.’
I expect you are filling them very well, she thought, but knew better than to say that out loud, considering that he would get all rosy again, which couldn’t help the dignity an officer needed, especially as sailors were now assembling below the quarterdeck.
John joined them, with a smile for her and a nod to Mr Marsing. He walked to the rail, balancing nicely, as in charge as if he were the Lord God Almighty.What is it about these men?she asked herself.
‘Thank you for assembling, men,’ he said, his voice carrying. He held up Admiral Collingwood’s orders. ‘Would you like to know what we’ll be doing out here in this marvellous sea…um…besides amusing me?’
She blushed when the men laughed, then found herself laughing, too. This was no time or place to be a reticent, superior ogre in skirts. To her amazement and humility, she felt a sudden bond with the crew, something she’d never anticipated. It might have been there all along, considering her brother’s connection to theSwallow.
