‘Aye, you did. I will be forever in your debt,’ he told her, then looked away. ‘I ruined you in society’s eyes, and gave you no choice but to marry me.’
‘John, don’t be too determined to make me better than I am,’ she said, warming to the issue. ‘You’re a man of honour and you had no choice in the matter, either.’
He seemed to think about that, which to her delight meant a comradely arm around her shoulder. It didn’t feel like a lover’s grasp, but she relished the friendliness of the gesture. Maybe it was a small building block from which to create an actual marriage, if they had the time, in this time of war, to proceed slowly.
‘You’re right, oh, Anna the Wise. You are an amazing lady. I’m wondering at my good fortune, even as I feel a little ashamed to have brought you to this. I had no choice but to marry you, and you had no choice but to accept.’
Somehow, she wasn’t entirely surprised when he added, ‘Pardon my frankness, Anna, but it has been a long time since I experienced the pleasures of the bedchamber.’ He sighed. ‘Does that make me a complete ogre?’
‘Not at all,’ she assured him, and felt something that might have sent her into maidenly blushes only minutes ago: they might even understand each other. ‘Captain Beattie, why is it that men think they are the only creatures on the earth with such feelings?’
‘Well, I… Hmm.’
‘Captain, I am nearly thirty. Thirty! Frankly, sir, I never thought I would know what it feels like to be married. It made me sad to think I would go to my grave untouched.’
He gave her a long look. ‘Anna Beattie, you’re blushing.’
She dared to lean forward and kiss his cheek. ‘So are you.’
He tightened his grip on her. ‘Now that we are speaking so frankly, there’s one other matter,’ he said softly. ‘You know I had another wife. There might always be a part of me that misses her.’
‘I can understand that,’ Anna said slowly. ‘She was your first love, and the mother of your son.’And you still love her, she thought, waiting for the knowledge to hurt. To her relief, it did not. Again, that practical side of her nature understood.
‘Would you…would you mind if I talked about her now and then, or told Allan about his mother?’
She heard the earnest note in his words and knew she couldn’t deny him that request, nor would she want to.
‘Mind? Never.’
There they sat. The mattress did feel good, and the last few days had been trying in the extreme. She patted his hand. ‘John, I’m tired, and if I am tired, you must be exhausted. Unbutton my back buttons. I already know you’re a handy sort to have around. I’m going to find my nightgown—actually it’s Grace’s.’
‘You’re serious?’
‘Yes. Everything else is practical flannel because I have lived in chilly, draughty Plymouth for some years. Apparently, Grace has a past I did not question.’
‘You’re amusing,’ he said as he got up. She heard the relief in his voice. ‘Turn around. I am a button expert, as you know.’
He was. She felt not a qualm in the universe about stripping right there and putting on said nightgown—Watch if you want, husband, she thought a little wickedly, then crawled into the wonderful bed. ‘Do you have a preferred side?’
‘By the door,’ he said. ‘Get in, madam wife, and move over.’
Anna did. He joined her, stretching out, yawning hugely, then speaking softly but with a certain contentment that touched her heart. ‘Mrs Beattie, I remember I was five days after Trafalgarstanding up, ordering my crew about, making decisions, second-guessing myself and worrying—always worrying.’
‘I am happy not to be a captain,’ she told him. ‘That would make me grouchy.’
He chuckled. ‘I was a bear!’ He yawned again, then touched her shoulder. ‘I’ll be asleep in minutes, but you are right: I need you.’
‘I’ll be here when you’re ready,’ she told him gently. ‘We are both practical sorts, are we not? War has robbed us of time and leisure. We are both on an uncertain path.’
‘Aye, we are,’ he said, and was silent. In mere moments she heard his even breathing.
She slept then, too, feeling herself relax and nearly melt into the mattress. She was warm from John’s warmth. This body next to hers was not a captain with a fearsome reputation, but a man next to a woman. There was nothing new about this in the great scheme of the universe, but it was new to her, and it excited her.
The warmth of a grown body next to hers was soothing and even soft. She felt herself sinking into the mattress. True, the bed moved from side to side, but what of it? My, but these last few weekshadbeen exhausting.
She didn’t know how long they slept against each other, but some time as morning approached, she woke to his hand on her back, rubbing it gently.Now he needs me, she thought, not John Beattie perhaps, but a man living under a mountain of unrelenting warfare and stress she could not even imagine, and she had a good imagination.
She sighed when his hand cupped her breast, then smiled when he seemed to weigh it in his grasp, and whispered, ‘I do like a substantial handful.’
