My eyes bulged at the use of my full name. “Don’t use that tone with me, missy.”
“Then don’t be stupid! You know you miss him!”
“Of course I miss him!” I exploded on her before bracing myself on the counter.
Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Then go get him!”
I sighed. “It’s not that simple, Peanut.”
I picked up my cloth and continued to wipe the counter.
Lily startled me by throwing a decorative pillow at me from the couch. “Stop being difficult, Jessie! You know you love him, so go tell him! I can’t take you being miserable and overbearing for a second longer.”
I stopped wiping the counter and looked at my very serious sister. God, she had grown up so much in the past couple of years. Gone was the innocent child, and in her place was a lioness. A warrior.
“It’s not that simple, Lil,” I protested. “And I’m only protective of you because I love you and because of everything you’ve been through, you know that.”
“I’m not a baby anymore, Jessie. I can handle myself. I’m ten years old,” she bit back.
Her words were like a punch to the gut as I realized how much she didn’t need me anymore. She had survived something so horrible without me, without my hand to hold. She was right. She could handle a lot on her own.
I walked toward her and cupped her cheeks. She flinched at the contact, making me drop my hands. I hated that she couldn’t handle physical touch anymore.
Despite the fact that he and I weren’t really speaking, Machine and Lily had a bond I didn’t understand. He often sent gifts and treats for her and made a point to Facetime her often just to see how she was doing. I felt like a divorced parent with a custody agreement.
“I love you, Peanut. I’m only overbearing because I care.”
“Well, now let me be the one who’s overbearing.” She lowered her voice. “Go to him. Tell him how you feel.”
She was so much wiser than her years. It amazed me that despite how much she had been through, she could still want love in this world.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was rushing out of the apartment and running in the rain to Machine’s.
I knocked, soaked to the bone, and heard Lucy bark. After a few moments, Machine opened the door. In gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt; he looked like my personal wet dream. I wanted him more than I had wanted anything in my life.
“Hi,” I said meekly.
FIFTY
MACHINE
She was here, at my doorstep, drenched from head to toe, her chest heaving from exertion.
“What—”
“I was so stupid,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “So stupid, Evan.”
I just stared at her, not sure what to say to her.
“I thought that just having Lily in my life would be enough, but then I realized I feel empty without you.” She paused as a stray tear fell down her face. “I never expected you. Never planned to have someone in my life who made me feel alive and loved. For so long, it was only Lily and me. And then you came into my life and hit it like a hammer.”
My mouth quirked up at her rambling.
“You came into my life like a wrecking ball, and now I don’t know what to do without you in it,” she continued.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “So, what is it that you want, Jessica?”
Her fists clenched at her sides as she glared at me. “I want you! I want all of you. I want you and Lucy in mine and Lily’s lives.”
