She pursed her lips and nodded.
“I love you, Len.”
“I love you too,” she said with a sad smile. “Kade just pulled in, I need to go. But I will talk to you soon.”
We said our goodbyes and hung up the video call. Then all that remained was the silence. I hoped it wouldn’t consume me.
THIRTY-SIX
BADGER
Things felt weird being back home with Nellie. She was super supportive with everything, but now that I was back, I felt almost empty. It felt strange to come home and not be bombarded by a large dog with a wiggly butt and sloppy kisses.
Everything felt off. With Dominos under construction, I was forced to do my classes elsewhere. We rented a private gym a few blocks from our original location, which made it easier for members to find us.
I hated feeling out of sync with myself. I worried about Machine’s recovery and how his wounds were healing. Was he listening to the doctors, or was he being a stubborn brute?
I hadn’t baked since I got back to my apartment. It felt almost foreign to do something that I enjoyed when I wasn’t in a space that I wanted to be in. How had Machine’s penthouse felt like home when I had only been there for a short amount of time? Why did I miss the sounds of his snores from across the hall? Why did I miss the way Lucy would snuggle me on the couch and lick my face when she was excited?
What it came down to was that I missed Machine. Machine felt like home. The thought didn’t scare me as much as it should have.
I knocked on the penthouse door, unsure why I felt so nervous. Maybe it was the tone in Kade’s voice when he called and asked me to come over, or maybe it was because it was my first time seeing Machine since he was in the hospital. Kade opened the door with a somber look on his face. I wasn’t surprised when Lucy came bounding over to me for kisses.
“I’ve never seen her act that excited to see someone other than Machine or me.”
“Lucy is my girl. Aren’t you, princess?” I cooed. “Now I need to find out what your dad has gotten himself into this time.”
I stood up and wiped the fur off my yoga pants while Lucy ran back toward the primary bedroom. My hands clenched at my sides as I walked into the vast penthouse.
“What’s going on? Where’s Machine?” I finally asked Kade.
He looked down at the floor and back up at me.
“He’s… um, in his room,” he mustered. I had never seen Kade flustered before. “He’s not well.”
“What do you mean?”
Kade cleared his throat. “Evan is in one of his post-traumatic episodes. I think the stress of the explosion and everything that happened afterward has finally hit him. I assume he has told you about his past?”
I shook my head no.
Kade cursed in Italian and pursed his lips before continuing. “On his last deployment, his entire team was killed. We also almost lost him, too, but the doctors were able to revive him.”
A small, strangled noise escaped me, and I covered my mouth.
“Once in a while he gets triggered and goes into one of these episodes,” Kade continued. “Usually, I can get him out of it, but…”
“But?” I asked.
Kade stood straighter. “This time he specifically asked for you.”
“Oh,” I said softly. I couldn’t understand why he wanted me, but then again, he always kept me guessing. “Where is he?”
“His bedroom.”
I began to walk that way and felt my heart pound in my chest. As I turned the corner toward the primary suite, I saw Lucy lying on the ground outside Machine’s door with an expression that broke my heart. Her nub of a tail wagged halfheartedly when she saw me, but she didn’t get up. I knelt down and petted between her ears.
“He’ll be okay, sweet girl,” I told her.
