From there, I was Badger, and nothing had felt more fitting.
I blinked, shaking myself out of my thoughts.
The priest finished the service and we headed to the celebration of life. Machine had been right. I had made more than enough baked goods for the party. But nothing had feltgood enough. Especially for my beautiful friend who was now nothing but ashes in an urn.
My eyes prickled and my heart ached. God, I missed Arrow. I missed his quirky smiles, his jokes, and most of all, his love. He was the bright light in my world of darkness. I just wished I had had a chance to tell him that.
I wasn’t good at showing affection. That part of me had died when Lily was taken. But I knew my random acts of kindness, my gifts, and spending time together let him know I loved him.
I didn’t know how to move forward with this. Finding Lily was at a dead end now that Ricci was gone, and I’d lost my best friend. The foundation of our team had been cracked, and I wasn’t sure how we would move on.
The celebration of life drained me. I envied Arrow’s mother’s strength as she shook everyone’s hand and gave out hugs. Just as I was about to leave, Chief approached me and gave me a hug. I reciprocated the embrace and squeezed tight. He was the father figure that I had always needed, and his hug was the antidote to the heaviness that I felt.
“We will get through this,” he said with a sad smile. “But before you go, With Ricci gone, I think you’re safe. I think you can pack up your bags and go back home.”
I looked at him with shock. We still didn’t know for sure who was behind the letters. We assumed it was Ricci, so it made sense that I could go home. It just felt rushed.
“Are you sure? Should we wait a little longer in case Ricci wasn’t behind it?”
Chief raised an eyebrow at me. “Do you want to stay with Machine longer?”
The question took me by surprise. Did I want to stay with him longer? Maybe I wasn’t ready for our little bubble to pop.
“N-no,” I stammered. “I just wanted to make sure that we are doing the right thing.”
Chief gave me a knowing look. “I think we should be good. Now that Ricci is gone, it’s unlikely that whoever he is working with will come after you without his backing.”
I nodded in understanding. Now I had to break the news to Machine.
THIRTY-TWO
MACHINE
“Are you sure you want to leave?”
I watched Badger with my arms crossed over my chest. After the funeral and celebration of life, she’d come home and let me know that Chief had told her it was safe for her to go back home.
She looked up from her suitcase. “We both knew that this was temporary, Evan.”
The sound of my name on her lips made my heart flutter. I wanted her to stay. I wasn’t ready for this to end. I stepped closer to her, needing her in my arms. I needed to touch her. I needed to feel that she was still real and that I didn’t imagine everything that had happened between us.
“Please stay. Stay, Jessica,” I begged, touching her arm. I knew I sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care.
She looked up at me with pleading eyes. “You know I can’t.”
I bristled. “Why can’t you?”
Badger let out a sigh. “Because I was following an order, and now I’m following another one.”
My fists clenched at my sides. “This isn’t an order; you are choosing to take the easy way out. You can’t deny that there is something here between us!”
Badger glared at me, her piercing blue eyes staring into my soul as she pointed at me. “Don’t, don’t go there.”
My anger burned inside me. Why was she doing this? Why was she leaving when we were just getting started?
Her hand went to her side, and she let out a sigh. “We’ve had fun, Machine, but we both knew this wasn’t going to last.”
“Please, don’t do this,” I said softly, looking at the ground. I was pathetic. Of course she wouldn’t want to stay with me.
