This moment is almost too much for me. I’m glad he can’t see me right now, because I feel like crying. I thought for so long I’d never have this. Not with anyone, especially not with Bennett.
Knowing he gets to be my first for everything means the fucking world.
Closing my eyes, I drink in this moment. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it would be not to give up, that if we wait long enough, everything would work out.
“You okay?” Bennett asks after a long few moments of silence.
“Perfect.” I chuckle. “Can we do that again?”
He laughs, his whole body shaking. “We can do it as much as you want. Just not tonight. Tonight we sleep.”
“Okay.” I yawn, the day catching up with me.
Bennett pulls out, and I wince, as I feel a tinge of pain. “Fuck,” Bennett hisses.
“What?” I look at him over my shoulder with panic.
“You should see how fucking sexy you look with your used hole dripping with my cum.” He grins, parting my cheeks.
“Oh fuck off.” I laugh, turning away with heated cheeks.
He grabs the towels we were using before and cleans us up the best he can. “We need to shower. But I’m too exhausted to do it again tonight.”
“Shower in the morning, sleep now.”
“Sounds good to me.” He crawls back into bed, pressing his body against mine.
I close my eyes, letting myself feel safe and cared for, smiling as my best friend, the man I’ve loved longer than I realized, holds me.
––––––––
The shitty thing about how my paychecks work out is that I didn’t get paid again until Christmas Eve. That would be today.
After the incredible gift Bennett gave me, I told myself I was going to do my best to get him a good one.
I know it won’t be as big as concert tickets to a massive music festival, but I can do my best to find something he’d like.
What do you get someone who seems to have everything?
Waking up early, I head to the mall, wanting to try and beat the rush. No luck there. The mall is packed when I step inside.
As I weave in and out of stores, I grow more and more frustrated, because anytime I think of something he might like, when I go to see if the store has it, it’s fucking sold out.
There’s hardly anything left on the shelves.
By the seventh store, I’m considering giving up. But decide to grab something to eat in the food court first before surrendering.
After ordering, I pick at my food, feeling like a fucking loser. What kind of boyfriend am I if I can’t even get him a gift?
Time after time, I’m failing him. He doesn’t seem to notice, or care, but I do. I see it. I feel it. It fucking eats at me.
When he caught me digging through the donation bin the other week, I wanted to die. I almost had a panic attack. I was expecting him to make fun of me, to break things off with me, but I should have known better. That wasn’t the kind of guy Bennett was.
He’s an amazing human being.
The way he played into it by asking to wear something I picked out, like it wasn’t a big deal, like these weren’t someone else's used clothes, it meant the world to me.
I fell so damn hard for that man in that moment, more madly in love with someone than I ever thought was possible.
