“Rough day?”
“You could say that.”
“I heard you mention Jack this afternoon,” she said, placing the dishes in the sink. “You haven’t talked about him in years. Are you sure this was a good idea?”
I shrugged, my eyes fixed on the table. “I don’t know, Judy. Part of me thought that telling my story would be therapeutic. But another part… Anyway, I think the worst is behind me. Diane now knows what only a handful of people know—that I betrayed Jack, that I lied to him, and that it was all because of a love that consumed me.”
“But why even dredge up all those painful memories? It was so long ago, and you’ve accomplished so much since then. Besides, what happened that summer doesn’t define the woman you are today.”
“But it does,” I said. “It’s like a stain on my soul. No matter how much I've achieved, no matter how much good I've done—it always comes back to that summer.”
As darkness fell, I found myself lost in thought. The ghosts of my past seemed to be hovering in the room, their cold fingers brushing against my heart. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Jack’s face‚ his blue eyes, the curve of his jaw, the way his lips turned up in a smile whenever he saw me. I could feel the warmth of his embrace, the tender kisses he used to press against my forehead. He was a part of me, a part that I had tried so hard to bury and forget.
Wednesday
The next morning, I began my day by penning an entry in my journal. I started the ritual years ago, having been inspired by Jack. I found writing cathartic, a way to drain the poison from my soul, one word at a time. I was no novelist, but I wrote with the raw honesty of someone who had nothing left to lose. My words were my confessions, my repentance, my redemption.
As dawn broke, I readied myself for the day. I slipped into my clothes, the soft cashmere hugging my aged body. The ritual of applying makeup was soothing, the brush against the skin, the delicate balance of color and light that accentuated my eyes and gave my cheeks a rosy hue.
The mirror reflected a woman of strength and wisdom, someone who had earned every line on her face, every strand of silver in her hair. I stared at the reflection for a long time, seeingnot only the woman I had become, but also the young girl from so long ago. Her innocence lost, her heart shattered. But her spirit remained unbroken.
After breakfast, I made my way into the library, where Diane was already waiting.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to get an early start on the day. I feel as if we still have much to talk about.”
Yes, I thought. There was much more to say, many more memories to dig up from the graveyard of my past. “I don’t mind at all,” I responded warmly, feeling recharged and ready. “In fact, I’m eager too.”
With that, we settled into our familiar positions, with her opposite me, a notebook in her lap and an expectant look on her face. Once the tape recorder was set, I began to tell her about what happened in the weeks and months following my betrayal.
Sims Chapel, TN
August 1950
The moment Ellie left Sims Chapel, an overwhelming sense of relief washed over me. It was like the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. But with the start of my sophomore year of college only days away, the relief was short-lived.
Complicating matters was the fact that my two closest friends, Connie and Yvonne, who had always been there to provide me comfort and support, were leaving for their own respective colleges soon. In a matter of days, we’d all bescattered across the state again, each of us picking up where we’d left off the previous spring.
“I, for one, can’t wait to get back to Nashville,” Connie declared during our last get-together at her house. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love y’all, but Sims Chapel is just so small. So stifling.”
Yvonne nodded sympathetically as she sipped her sweet tea. “I feel the same way about Clarksville. But I believe it’s the change of scenery that does us good. Don’t you, Sara?”
Before I could answer, Connie chimed in. “You’re just excited to be closer to that boy you met last spring. Don’t deny it, Yvonne!”
Yvonne blushed a deep scarlet.”Speaking of boys…” She turned to me. “What’s the story with Jack and old what’s-her-name?”
My heart clenched. “They’re still together, if that’s what you mean. But time and distance will take care of that. And when it does, I’ll be waiting.”
“Don’t you think that maybe it’s time you gave up on that dream?” Connie suggested. “I mean, there are so many other fish in the sea besides Jack Bennett. You’re a gorgeous girl, Sara, and smart as a whip. How ‘bout you set your sights on some of those college boys you were telling us about?”
I smiled, thinking of the prospect. There had been one or two boys the previous year who had tried to catch my attention. Good looking boys, intelligent, too. But my heart still yearned for Jack. “Maybe,” I mused, “but I can’t imagine any of them measuring up to him.”
Yvonne shook her head, a sorrowful look in her eyes. “Sara, I fear your heart might be too set on him. It’s not healthy pining for someone who’s taken.”
“Perhaps,” I conceded, staring at the ice in my glass. “But it’s not like I can switch my feelings off.” I looked up to see Connieand Yvonne exchange glances before Yvonne reached out and squeezed my hand.
“Sweetie,” she said, “sometimes, we don’t get the things we want the most. And that’s okay. It hurts, but it often leads us to something better.”
Connie nodded, her expression serious. “And sometimes, what we think we want isn’t really what’s best for us. We have to trust that life has better plans.”
