Another memory stirs. Last night, something impossible. Hayes appearing out of nowhere. Dylan’s body lifted and thrown as if it weighed nothing. I saw Hayes do something no human being is capable of. It was like something out of a superhero comic book—or a nightmare.
Maybe it was the alcohol.
Or maybe… it wasn’t.
What if I’m already starting to unravel?
And if I am—if I’m truly losing my grip on reality—how am I supposed to survive without Hayes here to pull me back? To ground me. To remind me what’s real.
Hayes rises slowly, the light shifting as his shadow falls across me. His hand comes to rest on the back of my head, fingers threading softly through my hair.
“You’re stronger than you think,” he says, his voice filled with sadness. “You don’t need me. You’ll be okay, I promise.”
Maybe he believes that.
Maybe he even wants it to be true.
But then I catch something in his expression, something cracked and unguarded, and for one reckless, aching second, I know.
Hayes needs me just as much as I need him.
Maybe even more.
Each day runs into the next, like one big, horrible blur, ever since Hayes dropped the news that he’s moving to Greece. It’s as if the ground beneath my feet has been cracked open, and I’ve been free-falling without a net.
And yet, despite his impending departure—or maybe because of it—the last few weeks have been better between us. Hayes has really been making an effort. He’s been calling. Texting. Showing up to French class again.
We’ve even been hanging out in the evenings and on the weekends, like we used to, though it’s never just the two of us anymore. Amber’s always around now too, glued to his side like a barnacle.
Still, I do my best to ignore her. I’m trying to make the most of what time Hayes and I have left. I know the clock’s ticking. Every minute matters now.
Even Argy seems to sense it.
He’s been extra clingy lately, shadowing me everywhere I go, pressing up against my legs when I stand and wedging himself into my side when I lie on the couch. It’s like he’s afraid I might vanish if he blinks. Even he seems to feel the countdown running out.
My mom still needs help. The weight of that hasn’t gone anywhere, but I’ve learned how to set it down for a little while. To stop carrying it so tightly in my chest. There’ll be time to deal withit soon enough. Right now, I just want to breathe. To feel something close to normal, while I still can.
I’ve also started thinking beyond NYU, just in case. Belmont in Nashville, maybe, or some tiny art school in LA no one’s ever heard of. Without Hayes here next year, there’s no reason to stay. I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of leaving this place. Now there’s nothing holding me back.
LHU is pretty much a flop anyway, other than Hayes. I haven’t really spoken to Rebecca since the Heaven & Hell party. We finished our project, turned it in, and that was it.
She’s been pretending like I don’t exist ever since. Even though I still don’t know what I did wrong, I’ve accepted that I’m not going to have friends here. Maybe not anywhere.
Maybe I’m just the kind of person destined to go through life alone. Always on the outside looking in. Someone who never really fits in anywhere.
Time seems to fly by as I prepare for the inevitable—saying goodbye to my only friend, the only person in the world who’s ever truly understood me. And my dog, too. My entire life is shifting beneath my feet in ways I can’t stop or fully comprehend yet.
And then, somehow, it’s already Halloween.
It also happens to be my eighteenth birthday—and the anniversary of the day my father disappeared.
Halloween’s always been hard for obvious reasons. Hayes knows that, and every year, he’s done his best to distract me.
We have a tradition.
We always spend the day together, just the two of us. When we were little, we’d go trick-or-treating, then end up at Hayes’s house, gorging on candy since my mom never allowed sugar in the house. Afterward, we’d curl up on the couch and spend the rest of the night watching our favorite scary movies.
Once we hit high school, we ditched the costumes and going door to door, but everything else stayed the same.
