But no. She said, “I want something completely different. I want modern this time.” Okay, like what?
We talked and talked in circles, it seemed, and finally came around to angular, to boxy. It was a very, very different direction, but I liked it. Ryan often wanted to reinvent herself. I thought perhaps maybe she was doing that again.
So I took cues from Blake Lively, from Janelle Monáe, and suggested an oversize blazer and miniskirt. Bright red, lavish.
“Yes,” Ryan said. “But let’s do blue. I want it to be like my dress at the beginning and end of the video.”
“Okay, okay,” I said. “But we are going to make itrock star.”
It is MTV, after all.
Teen StarMagazine, September 2018
Something Blue
Pop star Ryan Holding wows on the red carpet in an electric-blue Saint Laurent blazer with effortlessly chic bedhead hair.
“My shoes match my shoulders!” the “Hear Me Now” singer commented, pointing out the diamond studs scattered along her shoulders and her sparkly sky-high Jimmy Choos. What’s she most excited about?
“The after-party,” she said with a smile. “Whatever happens tonight, I can’t wait to celebrate with my friends.”
Jasmine
I wasn’t surprised at all when “Hear Me Now” was nominated. But the stakes were very high. If she won, Ryan would become the youngest female artist in history to hold Best New Artist, Best Visual Effects, and Video of the Year.
Skip went as my date that night. It was sweet.
Ryan arrived separately from us—with Mari and Kylie, I think—so I can’t speak to how she was before the show.
Drunk? No, she didn’t seem drunk at all. The girls were definitely tipsy. Maybe more than tipsy. But not Ryan.
It was funny; actually, I just got the sense that she was feeling really alive. Really wired. She was quiet while the rest of us were talking and laughing, keeping her purse clutched to her chest and just people watching. Like she was taking it all in. I chalked it up to nerves at the time, but hindsight is twenty-twenty, isn’t it?
Maybe there was something going on. Maybe there wasn’t.
I leaned over at one point in the night, just before they announced her category, and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” she said. “Ready.”
Video Music Awards Broadcast, August 20, 2018
[A member of Brace for Impact in a colorful paisley suit emcees, standing with an envelope before the microphone.]
EMCEE: ... And now we come to a truly powerful moment in the night, when we honor the videos that have sparked our imaginations and pushed the bounds of creativity. Each of our nominees is celebrating an incredible year of work. But one stood out to our voters as the clear winner. And that video is ...
[He rips open the envelope.]
EMCEE: ... “Hear Me Now,” directed and produced by Ryan Holding!
[The applause is thunderous. Ryan ascends the stage with her hand on her heart.]
Ryan: I can’t tell you all what this means to me. Every day, I find it hard to believe this life is mine. But I hope—I hope it’s all been worth it.
[She pauses for a moment, a long moment, seeming briefly as though she wants to say something else. Then she continues.]
Ryan: Thank you, New York. Thank you.
Mari
