“You don’t know where it could be?”
I tighten my lips into a firm line. “I guess I’ll try to find out when I’m back home.”
His brow knits, perplexed as to why I'm planning to return to California.
I give him an ‘isn’t it obvious?’ look.
“Did you think I was going to get to stay here?” I let out a derisive laugh. “I tried to hide from him for a reason, Dread. I knew the moment he found me, he’d force me back to California. Transferring schools out of the country was my only option, but he fucked that up by holding Roxi over my head. I already feel guilty for all the women who came after Georgia. I don’t know if I can handle any more blood on my hands.”
But I might have to bear that weight, anyway. I bargained with Dread to transfer to London and lost miserably, but I could break our deal, go anyway, and hope like hell he protects Roxi.
What's the value of a promise if I won’t be alive to keep it?
Making that promise was allowing a broken bone to heal incorrectly, and because of it, I have to live a life of pain. The only way to truly heal is to break and reset it. It'll hurt like fucking hell at first, but in time, I'll be okay again.
Unless Dread plans on kidnapping me and locking me away somewhere, he can’t stop me from doing what I need to do, especially with his swim career keeping him so busy.
“You baited him. You basically threw me out like a piece of meat, and now, the monster is coming to get his dinner,” I say simply.
“He already believes I know all of this,” he says calmly, seeming unconcerned. “So if he’s coming to get you, he’s coming for me, too. And that’s exactly what I wanted.”
My smile is full of pity. “You still don’t get it. He’s not worried aboutyou. You’re the dreadful boy who put away an innocent man. A broken record with no evidence. You've skewed your reality and created an echo chamber by becoming the king of HCU, but there's an entire world outside this campus, Dread.” I lean forward, my gaze patronizing with a touch of mirth, as if to say,You silly little boy, you have no idea what you're talking about. It's not funny, but all you can do is laugh at how deluded they are. “They didn’t believe you then, and they sure as hell won't believe you now. Your Olympic gold medals mean nothing compared to a white, heterosexual man who's been deeply wronged. You'restilla fucking liar, Dreadful Sharpe.”
His jaw hardens, and my smile bleeds into a saddened chuckle as I lean back.
“Hate me while you still can, because as long as I stay here under your thumb, Lionelwillfind me, and he won't take you with me.”
My smile fades completely as I stare at him blankly, feeling as dead inside as I will be in the near future.
“And once I’m gone, we both know I’m not coming back.”
CHAPTER 24
DREAD
My muscles burn as I kick off the cement wall and cut through the water. My arms grow weaker, my breath shorter with each stroke.
Still, I keep pushing.
Because the moment I stop, so does my will to live.
I complete two more laps before I’m physically incapable of moving another muscle. As tempted as I am to just let myself sink to the bottom, I can’t betray my mother like that.
With the last drop of energy I possess, I put my hands on the cement floor and propel myself out of the water. My muscles give, and I nearly eat concrete, but I make it far enough out to collapse on the floor, my legs still submerged up to my knees.
I pant heavily, my vision still swimming despite my body being motionless. Every breath feels like inhaling fiberglass, and my extremities tremble so hard, they appear completely still.
It’s exactly what I needed—to make the physical pain so loud,it drowns out the mental.
For twenty blissful minutes, I’m left in utter silence while my system struggles to regulate.
Until my body calms, and the thoughts start creeping in again, slowly at first, then all at once.
I battle with getting back into the water again, but I know I’ve already pushed myself too far and am on the verge of tearing a muscle. Then, I won’t need to worry about taking myself out. Coach will handle that for me.
Groaning, I sloppily pull myself the rest of the way out of the water and get to my feet before slowly trudging to the showers. Reverie’s face pops up in my head, and I instantly push it away. Only for her to reappear, over and over, until it feels like I’m playing fucking table tennis with her memory, driving me even more insane than I already am.
My rage is a constant state of being, but the direction it points is ever-moving. It’s been nonstop since I stormed out of my room after she dropped a fucking bomb on me yesterday. I needed space, but with Lionel or whoever the fuck leaving her notes, I couldn't allow her to be alone, so I asked Rogue if he could post up outside my door while I slept in his dorm instead.
