“I’m entirely to blame,” she added.
His jaw twitched.
“Really, I should beg forgiveness, on my knees no less, and offer a penance of—”
“It’s not your fault,” he interjected gruffly. “I also am partly responsible. But we needn’t dwell on the matter; it was, after all, merely a physical response to the danger we’d just been through. Nervous overexcitement, nothing more.”
Elodie blinked in confusion. Then her stomach flipped as she comprehended what he was talking about.
The kiss.
**The kiss.**
It absolutely deserved sparkling italics. Such a kiss! Not even the memory of those they had shared on their wedding night could compare. The sweet, tentative explorations that had sparked two days of delight, then burnished her dreams for a year afterward, now seemed tepid in comparison. Certainly her earlier experiences with other people were instantaneously nullified.
As for the future, all her ambitions had shifted. Being published inThe Journal of Thaumaturgic Sciencesnow became “being published inThe Journal of Thaumaturgic Sciencesand kissing Gabriel again.” Exploring the Pennine Alps was now “exploring the Pennine Alps while kissing Gabriel” (although perhaps a warm beach somewhere would be a better goal, since it would necessitate fewer clothes on his body). She’d even go so far as wanting to marry him, had she not already done so.
“Nervous overexcitement,” she echoed musingly. Then, shrugging her mouth, she nodded. “Sounds rational.”And also entirely wrong. But Elodie understood that, in this matter, patience must be her compass. Granted, she may ultimately take that patience to her deathbed, considering the man hated her, but she was willing to do that. For there had been no one else in her heart even before Gabriel married her, and she now knew for certain that there never would be.
Not that she could tell him this, good God no. Throwing herself out of hot air balloons was one thing; confessing her love to her husband another entirely.
“In fact, I was apologizing for my behaviorafterthe—uh, the physical response to danger,” she said. “The farmers were right to evict me. I made a mess of things, as usual.”
She laughed, because she’d meant the words to be light, and hugged herself, because of the cold of course, and stared at the wan sky until her eyes hurt because what she’d said had touched more on the secret hollows of her psyche than she’d intended.Pull yourself together, Elodie Hughes,she grumbled, or her mother did (sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between those two inner voices). She had never liked journeying into the depths of herself even on a good day—a day when, for example, her hair was tidy and she hadn’t almost been killed by enchanted twisters—and had no desire for it now. She felt Gabriel’s gaze upon her, silently contemplative, and she lifted her chin with a pride that shuddered somewhat as her teeth chattered together.
“Come here,” he said suddenly. Elodie did not even have time to comprehend the instruction before he stepped into her path, requiring her to make an abrupt halt. And then—and then!—he gently gathered her into his arms.
Even while Elodie was blinking with confused astonishment, he wrapped his coat around her—most pertinently, with him still inside it. True, he held her with patent awkwardness, and yet it must be stressed,he held her. Indeed, one might even classify it as an embrace.
That was the last rational thought Elodie managed before her mind was buried beneath an avalanche of emotions. She could do no more than stand there, embraced, her arms hanging, her eyes wide as they stared over Gabriel’s shoulder at the gossamer haze of light.
“I am employing emergency first aid,” he explained, his voice thrumming through her bones. “You’re freezing, and I do not wish to endure a lecture from Mr. Jennings about the cost of your funeral should you die of hypothermia.”
“Okay.” Hypothermia was no longer a risk; indeed, she had grown so hot in the span of mere seconds that she was surprised steam did not arise from her body.
“This is not a hug.”
“Understood.”
“It is first aid.”
“Yes, so you said. I really am sorry about what happened. If it helps, I am trying to change.”
“Change what?” Gabriel asked in a confused tone.
Elodie’s stomach tried to curl up into itself bashfully. “Myself, of course.”
Gabriel clutched her shoulders and pushed her back a little so he could frown at her. “Don’t you dare.”
Elodie blinked, astonished at such a fierce response. “No, no, I do appreciate that I’m absent-minded and lacking just a little in dignity—”
“So?”
“Um…” She hadn’t expected such a question from Gabriel, of all people, and found herself falling into honesty. “It’s stopping me from getting what I want.” After all, a man as distinguished as Gabriel could never love such an oddball—which of course was just as well, since she hated him (…didn’t she? It was getting harder to remember that). And she actually rather liked herself, when she wasn’t dripping dirty water on food and accidentally proposing to people, a fact that did tend to make self-improvement a long and slow process.
“If you have to change yourself to get something, then it’s not the right thing for you,” Gabriel said tetchily, and pulled her back into his embrace. “Never apologize for who you are.” His tone became businesslike, even as he snuggled her closer. “Diversity is as important in humankind as it is in nature. Weeach have something unique to offer our community. In your case—”
“Chaos,” she supplied, and smiled even though he could not see it.
