“ ‘Make sure you have a good view before you kill,’ ” Daniel recited.
“No, the second sentence,” Alice said. “ ‘Pirates always cheat.’ ”
Daniel huffed a dry laugh. “I didn’t need a dossier to tell—”
“Imposter!”came a sudden shout.
The agents froze immediately.
“Well I never!” Miss Darlington marched into sight across the grass, pointing her cane at Alice in an accusatory manner. “I am shocked, young woman. Shocked!”
Alice felt Daniel’s fingers tighten on her arm. But she just smiled in a mildly inquiring fashion. “Ma’am?”
“You presented yourself to me as a conveniently reasonable woman!” Miss Darlington declaimed for all to hear. And indeed, pirates began appearing from inside the castle and around various corners, bristling with fascinators, glinting with the swords and guns strapped against their bright dresses, looking altogether like elegant, gilded, and extremely well-armed vultures.
“Reasonable,” Miss Darlington reiterated. “And yet here you are,in broad daylight, beingunreasonable indeed! Do you not careat allabout the broad daylight, gel? The burning sunlight?”
“Um,” Alice said.
Miss Darlington gesticulated. “You are not wearing your hat!”
“Oh!” Alice lifted a hand to her head and discovered the hat Miss Darlington had loaned her was missing. “I beg your pardon, ma’am. I must have dropped it along the way.”
“I’m sure a servant will have picked it up,” Daniel said. “We can inquire later.”
“Later? Later!” Miss Darlington turned an incredulous stare at Mrs. Rotunder, who was just then coming up beside her. The lady gave an obliging murmur of disapproval.
“EvenNedunderstands that Cecilia must have a supply of three stylish hats for each day of the week if she is to protect herself from the Great Peril,” Miss Darlington told Daniel. “Perhaps you ought to read a book on husbandry, young man.”
“That would inform me about farming, ma’am,” Daniel answered—and did not die on the spot only because Miss Darlington’s stare was notliterallya flaming sword.
Alice hastily intervened. “What exactly is the Great Peril?” she asked.
The pirates answered in fervent accord. “Freckles!”
Miss Darlington bustled her away from Daniel, tucking her into a chair at Mrs. Ogden’s table, sheltered by a large parasol. An emergency hat was brought forth and a footman established nearby, his purpose being to stand at any angle necessary so as to block the slightest hint of sunlight attempting to fall upon Alice’s skin.
“There,” Miss Darlington said finally as she sat. “We have you nicely undercover again.”
Alice tried to thank her but could not summon words. No one had ever before cared that she might freckle in the sun. No one had fussedover her in this manner—or indeed any manner, unless “caning with a birch rod” constituted fussing. It felt decidedly strange. Not helping matters was the mysterious watering of her eyes. Perhaps she was developing spontaneous hay fever. Frankly, she would not be surprised—she’d put nothing past this mission.
“Pardon me infiltrating the conversation,” Mrs. Rotunder said, sliding into a chair beside Alice, “but you don’t want to be a sleeper when it comes to the Great Peril, my dear. While no one is suggesting you act like a mole, you should nevertheless conceal your delicate skin at all times.”
Alice could only smile, still too dazed (and cold in the shadows) to reply.
There followed a pleasant chat over tea and cake about the latest guns being imported from America. Alice knew she should subtly interrogate the ladies about what they might do with those guns, but could not judge how to enter the conversation without literally shooting her way in. Waiting for pauses, starting a question only to find someone else starting their own more quickly, and trying to keep up with a barrage of idioms made her so tense that, when Frederick announced a game of croquet had been prepared—“fair ladies, come and join me in a stirring contest of brain and balls... O! croquet, once a sport of kings, now beloved by the most discerning of lawn athletes!”—she could have employed herself as a mallet.
The game led to wholly expected results, i.e., several smoking craters in the field, the entire set of mallets broken, and Frederick being rendered unconscious when three croquet balls and a hoop struck his head at the same time in a remarkable coincidence thatabsolutely astonishedthe entire company. By the time darkness and dinnertime brought a halt to theviolenceentertainment, Alice was exhausted, but she barely had time to wash, change her clothes, and read a pageofPrometheus Boundfor some light comfort before being faced with the arduous trial of eating stew despite not knowing exactly what it contained.
After dinner, the ladies sat around on sofas, drinking sherry while Mrs. Etterly tried to persuade them to buy a collection of nifty storage containers for their grenades and knuckle-dusters. Meanwhile, in another room with the men, Daniel suffered being blinded (for a jolly game of pin the tail on the donkey) and beaten (in several rounds of chess, which he lost on purpose for the sake of the mission). Finally, Alice pleaded a headache and thus effected her escape. She found Daniel already in their bedroom, muttering“pawn to queen bishop four”furiously as he did one-armed push-ups.
“All well?” he asked, jumping to his feet and looking around for his spectacles.
“The ladies are still downstairs, but I could not bear another moment,” Alice confessed.
“I felt the same way.”
The expression of empathy took Alice by surprise. Her heart softened, and she began to think herself removed from the verge of combustion—albeit still within walking distance.
