Moving of their own accord, Thea’s eyes found him in the crowd once more. The tightness in his shoulders had vanished, and Frederick’s smile—his real one—had returned. Not the polite, well-bred curve of the mouth he offered to the world, but the one that filled the whole of him and sparked with humor and his good nature. And more than a hint of mischief.
Glancing at his companions, Thea stifled a laugh at the muted horror affixed to Mr. and Mrs. Curtis’s expressions. The lady gripped her reticule, ready to free her smelling salts at the slightest provocation, and the gentleman’s mouth was parted enough to suggest that he meant to speak, though he didn’t dare interrupt, and Frederick wasn’t allowing him a word in edgewise. Meanwhile, Mr. Barnsley’s brows climbed higher with every passing sentence, while poor Mr. Jenner searched for an escape.
Frederick was in his element when he was teasing and tweeting people, scandalizing them until they were certain to faint dead away, and from the gleam in his eyes, he was enjoying every moment.
Warmth kindled in her heart, swelling until she felt it behind her eyes. His smile lit him from within, chasing the gray from hisfeatures, and his spark, which had dimmed these past months, burned bright again. This was not a man broken by misfortune, but one making the best of his circumstances and growing all the stronger for it.
As that gentle pressure grew in her chest, Thea grasped her hands tight together to keep them from fidgeting: surely a man who laughed at the frustrations in his life would see the uselessness of protecting her from them.
Yet here she stood—that great distance set between them, which he refused to bridge—whilst Mama tossed every bachelor in the parish at her, no matter how ill-suited they were; as long as they had a healthy income, they were prime targets for her matchmaking.
Thea drew a slow breath, the chill mist gathering at the edge of her bonnet, and forced herself to look away. Her congratulations had been given, her duty fulfilled. There was nothing to keep her here any longer.
“Do excuse me, Mr. Downey,” said Thea, interrupting his latest speech concerning the price fluctuations of coal. “But I fear I am quite spent and must return home. It is good to see you—”
But before Thea could finish begging off, Mama appeared beside her, giving the pair a beaming smile.
“Are you leaving, my dear girl?” she asked, though she did not wait for a response. Turning to Mr. Downey, she added, “I fear there are some people I still need to speak to. Would you be so kind as to escort my daughter home?”
“Mina and I will walk together,” she said, glancing about for her cousin.
“Nonsense, she is speaking with Mr. Lambert, and I would hate to interrupt,” replied Mama with a speculative tone, though Thea couldn’t think of anyone less suited for Mina, except Mr.Winwood or Mr. Timothy Voss. “Now, would you be so kind, Mr. Downey?”
“It would be my pleasure,” said the gentleman, punctuating that statement with such a bright expression that Thea’s middle twisted.
It wasn’t difficult to decipher Mama’s intentions or Mr. Downey’s eagerness, and Thea wished she felt something more than disappointment. Which was entirely unfair, as the gentleman was a good man in so many facets, yet it was impossible to deny just how far her heart fell as Mr. Downey motioned her toward the lychgate.
Chapter 31
Dropping back into the same conversation as though there had been no interruption, Mr. Downey continued expounding in a manner that was clearly meant to give her every assurance that he was well-established and financially comfortable, whilst slanting anxious glances whenever he danced too near any details concerning money itself.
As the distance grew between them and the chatter in the churchyard, the world quieted. Though not thick enough to obscure the familiar lines of the buildings or the curve of the road, the haze wrapped itself around the village, blanketing it in silence. With most of the people at the Sabbath services or tucked up beside their hearths, Haverford felt strangely empty at present.
Thea kept her gloved hands clasped before her as Mr. Downey walked beside her, speaking with polite animation, his voice a steady rhythm against the muffled world around them. His conversation ventured beyond steel and investments, and though it allowed an occasional observation from Thea, he was quite content to wax poetic about the improvements to the turnpike (which promised better trade once spring arrived), the alterations to the village since his last visit (though there were few of those), and his plans for his days at home.
Every step carried her farther from the churchyard, the lingering murmur of voices, and Frederick. Yet the sound of his laughter followed her, shining brightly amidst the dull hum of Mr. Downey’s steady conversation.
For one small moment, Thea considered whether Mama had a hand in the gentleman’s visit home, but that was granting the lady more credit than she deserved. Mama was not calculating enough to go to those lengths; she was simply seizing the opportunity placed before her. No doubt, Mama thought it a sign from On High that an eligible bachelor should arrive in town at the precise moment she needed a distraction for her daughter.
And, truth be told, Thea couldn’t help wondering about Mr. Downey’s timing. Was there something providential in this turn of events? Another opportunity presented to entice her from the path she’d chosen? Was it wisdom or folly to cling to her heart’s desire and dismiss the possibility the gentleman presented?
Mr. Downey may not be the most interesting of suitors, but he’d been an earnest lad and had grown into an equally earnest man. A touch awkward, to be certain, but that was not a moral failing. Thea studied him as they walked along, noting the way he navigated the slick stones without complaint or fuss, always offering her a steady hand if required but not forcing her to take his arm. There was kindness in that. And consideration.
Add to that his pleasing features and easy smile, and the fellow had much to recommend himself—far more than that income of which he was and was not boasting.
It was easy to imagine a future with such a gentleman. A life at his side would be predictable in the best sense of the word. A tidy household and steady routine. A set place amongst society with clear expectations. The picture was sensible. Many women would count themselves fortunate to have such a life. It was the path Phoebe had chosen this afternoon, and Thea would be afool not to consider it. Mr. Downey may not be Mr. Frederick Voss, but he was no Mr. Godwin, either.
Comfort and connection were important, and to choose Frederick would mean surrendering both. Those bonds she’d forged with friends and family may well break, and the realization unsettled her more than she liked to admit.
And now, every time Frederick looked at her, it chipped away her confidence. Or rather, how infrequently he glanced in her direction. And how fleeting those moments were. Something that was there and gone in the span of a heartbeat. Something dismissed as quickly as it came.
Thea’s hands tightened around her reticule. How could she hold onto the hope that all would be right in the end when Frederick surrendered? Yet how could she let him go? Her feelings weren’t some girlish fancy or idle longing that refused to fade with a bit of reasoning and logic. What she felt for Frederick was quieter than that—something steadier, deeper.
He was the one person who truly saw her, not as she ought to be or as others expected, but as she was. With him, she never felt the need to temper her thoughts or smooth her edges. Her ideas mattered; her opinions carried weight. He steadied her in ways she could never quite explain. How could she abandon something so rare and beautiful?
Yet romantic love was not the only standard for happiness in life. And feelings can fade if one chose poorly.
Thea drew a slow breath, the mist damp against her cheeks, as she muddled through this quandary. And that, perhaps, was the cruelest part: she needed counsel and guidance, and her best source was the very person who was avoiding her.
