“Do you truly wish to discuss this at this very moment?” But any hope Violet had that Felicity might drop the subject died when the lady nodded.
“And why not?” replied Felicity, running a hand along her stomach. “This child is determined to take her time.”
Another pain seized hold of her, and Violet did her best to help her friend through it; her own muscles strained in sympathy as Felicity fought through it and collapsed again, her breaths coming in heavy pants. No wonder her husband was barred from the room. Despite having assisted in other births, it was never easy to stand by whilst others suffered.
“I would say your child is coming quite quickly,” said Violet with a frown. “Especially for a firstborn.”
Felicity slanted a wry smile at her. “The pains began long before I told Lewis. Annette suggested keeping it to ourselves until it progressed to the point where I had to take to my bed. Else he would’ve insisted I do so long before she makes her debut.”
“‘She’? You think it a girl?” asked Violet.
A slight smile graced her lips. “One can never know for certain, but I just feel it is. Lewis does as well.”
“What names—”
But Felicity leveled a narrowed look at her. “Do not think to distract me, Violet Templeton. If you do not wish to discuss it, then tell me. I will take that as my answer. But despite our different situations in life, can we not be friends?”
“It’s not about our differences,” said Violet, her gaze falling to her lap.
The crossroads stood before her, and Violet had to take a step in one direction or the other. To do nothing would choose for her, forcing Felicity to remain at arm’s length.
Remain silent? Or allow Felicity another chance? That she was even debating the thing only proved just how silly a person Violet Templeton was. How many times must one suffer the consequences before one learned the lesson? And it wasn’t as though Felicity would understand. The explanation sounded petty, even in Violet’s own head. There was no point in trying.
Yet no one had ever wished to understand before. Nor cared enough to press the issue. People were content with the friendly distance she maintained, never questioning it or attempting to breach it.
Drawing in a deep breath, Violet forced the words out before she thought better of it. “They say parents don’t have favorites. But mine do.”
Chapter 35
Felicity’s brow furrowed, though whether it was in confusion about the confession itself or its connection to their conversation, Violet couldn’t say. It didn’t matter. The bandage had been pulled off the wound, and it would do no good to simply seal it over once more. Time to cleanse the putrid flesh beneath.
“I didn’t realize it when I was younger because my parents love me—they do,” she continued. “They are proud of me and are thrilled to see me succeed. Yet at the end of the day, they prefer my siblings. Mama talks to Isaac about everything, and when he is gone, she waits with bated breath for every scrap of news and is never content until he returns. She rarely seeks out my company.”
“But I recall you spending endless hours with your father in his office,” said Felicity, her gaze growing unfocused as she cast her thoughts to the past. “You were always with him.”
“Not because he asked me there,” said Violet with a shake of her head. “He accepted my company, but he never spent time teaching me about medicine. I observed him and pored over his books, and even though he praised my skills, I cannot recall any time he invited me into his world. Many believed me to be hisdarling daughter because of our mutual love of medicine and overlooked how much he spoiled his youngest.”
With a bitter chuckle, Violet added, “If his preference hadn’t been clear from all the ribbons and gowns he lavished upon Martha, Papa left me in no doubt of his feelings after his passing. Neither of our dowries was worthy of notice, but hers was much greater than mine.”
Violet squeezed her hands together and tried to meet Felicity’s eyes, though it was far too difficult. “And the same is true of my friends. They treat me well and enjoy my company, only to forget me the moment someone more worthy of their attention appears. Gentlemen are affectionate and doting until a lady worthy of their love crosses their path. Then I am tossed aside without a second thought.”
Though she opened her mouth with a look that said she wished to argue, Felicity softened her expression as she considered that. “Having only just married recently at the age of two and thirty, I am all too aware of how difficult it is to maintain friendships after marriage. Our priorities shift—”
Violet held up a staying hand. “I understand how selfish it sounds. A person’s first responsibility is to their spouse and their children. Of course, their family ought to be a priority and the topmost consideration. But it is more than that. Everyone is quite pleased to return my love with tepid affection, and it leaves me feeling like an understudy they tolerate until their leading lady arrives. I would rather surround myself with people like the Gadds, who are amusing but superficial. Then it will not hurt so very much when they decide I am no longer worthy of their time.”
Despite having already confessed so much, Violet couldn’t bring herself to voice the deepest longing in her heart. One that she’d dismissed long ago, for it did no good to dwell on the impossible. But considering the situation at hand, she couldn’t stop the question from resurfacing.
What would it be like to have someone who valued her company above all others? A certain someone with deep blueeyes and arms that fit so snuggly around her? Who always kept a calm head when her world was falling apart? Except when it came to defending her honor—
Shoving those thoughts aside, Violet cleared her throat. “For a while, I altered myself to fit their ideal, hoping it might endear me, but it never did. I work myself to the bone to take care of my mother, and she will always turn to Isaac for conversation or company and will always look to him as though he is the salvation of the family.”
“Oh, Vi,” began Felicity.
“Please do not call me that. I hate that name! It was given to me by people who thought ‘Violet’ too delicate and feminine a name for me.” The reaction was so visceral and instantaneous that Violet spoke without thinking, giving voice to a long-buried sentiment that she’d ignored and dismissed for far too long. “And I do not want pity or false assurances. It is not self-doubt that colors my opinion, nor is it merely a matter of me granting them grace and understanding. I know my family well and how they feel about me.”
“I—” But Felicity strained again, her cheeks flushing as she struggled beneath another pain. Taking her former post, Violet didn’t hesitate to seize hold of Felicity’s hands once more, murmuring the sorts of reassuring words that seemed to help in that moment. They may not be helpful in Violet’s situation, but they certainly did some good for Felicity.
When she relaxed once more, the lady lay in silence for a moment before turning her dark eyes to her friend.
