“It is not an excuse, Felicity. I know what I’ve done. I know that it was my choice and that it was the wrong one, but I truly felt like I had no other recourse,” she said with a shake of her head. “I was a fool, but it doesn’t change the fact that Dr. Vaughn is unencumbered. He’s a skilled practitioner and could establish himself anywhere he wishes—my family cannot.”
Violet drew in a shaky breath, and she drew the blanket tighter around her, though it wasn’t her body that felt the chill. “My mother won’t leave Oakham. It is her home. My brother refuses to see how dire things are, and if he loses the practice, they will have nothing between them and penury. They would lose everything.”
“Do you think I would’ve allowed that?” Felicity huffed and shook her head. “Good heavens, Vi. Do you think I would’ve stood by and done nothing while you starve?”
Throwing her arms wide, Violet scoffed. “And why not? No one else in this village—the people I have known my whole life—cares one jot what happens to us. When Diana finds a beau, she will forget me, and when your child is born, you will always have more important things to do than stir yourself on my behalf.”
Felicity opened her mouth, but Violet refused to let her argue the point.
“Do not deny it,” she said, holding up a warning finger. “I have seen it time and time again. People enjoy me in the moment but forget me the next, enjoying the pleasant diversion I present until something better arrives. So, I did what I felt I had to—however flawed that logic was. As much as I like Dr. Vaughn and value his friendship, I couldn’t choose him over my family or rely on anyone else to save us from Isaac’s poor choices.”
Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Violet forced the words out. “I chastised my brother for ruining our reputation and lying to our customers but then did far worse because I knew my actions were wicked. I am sorry for that, and I am trying to make amends the only ways I know how.”
She clutched the blanket. “Dr. Vaughn wrote to say he would be fulfilling his prescriptions and didn’t want any previous orders, but I had already purchased the ingredients. There was no need to waste them, so I delivered them to his doorstep after having made a groveling tour of Oakham, visiting every lady whom I led to believe Dr. Vaughn fancied and confessing the truth.”
Straightening, Violet dared to look at Felicity, her jaw tight, though her chin was doing its best to tremble. “If you must know, you are sharing tea with the most hated woman in Oakham. I assure you that none of the ladies reined in their tongues, and I know precisely how low their opinion is of me.”
Her throat clamped shut, and she struggled with the words as the memories of that day played again through her mind. So much anger and hatred, but every bit of it was earned.
Forging ahead, Violet added in a voice that was far too weak for her peace of mind, “Isaac may have caused our family trouble before, but now, I am equally to blame for our failing business. If we have a single patient in a week’s time, I will be greatly surprised.”
“Truly?” Felicity’s brows rose, and her eyes widened, but Violet could hardly see or hear the lady. Her vision blurred, and she forced the tears back; it was one thing to fall to pieces in private, but she wouldn’t embarrass herself further by doing so with an audience.
“People refuse to pay their bills, and most of our savings are tied up in the supplies I purchased to fulfill prescriptions we are no longer trusted to make,” said Violet, her voice catching. “If we find a physician or apothecary willing to purchase them, we will recoup only a fraction of the cost—not that we could deliver the items, as we haven’t a cart or carriage and hiring one would deplete those earnings even further. Within a few months, we’ll have not a penny to our name—”
Her voice broke, and Violet drew in a sharp but shaky breath. “I don’t know what will happen to my family, but there is nothing more I can do to save them. I know you are angry with me. Everyone is. And I do not blame you all, but—”
Closing her eyes, Violet tried to compose herself, but exhaustion ate away at her reserve, and she knew this was yet another battle she would lose.
“Please, excuse me,” she mumbled as she jerked upright, the blanket falling away as she hurried from the parlor, not stopping until she was safely hidden in her bedchamber.
Chapter 29
Whilst many cursed the influenza spreading through the village, Arthur couldn’t help but see the miracle it was. For all that it kept him busy, there had yet to be any deaths, and though a few patients had required special attention, most were seen through the ordeal with a few home remedies. In London, such a thing was unthinkable. Even the simplest of sicknesses ravaged the populace, taking at least a few with it.
But then, the city was such a putrid mess of miasmas that it was a miracle anyone remained in good health. How could one when one never breathed proper air?
And so, Arthur counted his blessings, choosing to focus on the good to be found amid his exhaustion, though even his most optimistic of thoughts struggled to fight against the bone-deep weariness that plagued his every step. Stopping, he rubbed his neck and stretched his back, but he knew it was a mistake the moment he made it. Getting his feet moving once more was infinitely more difficult than ignoring his aches and pains, and even that short pause was enough to test the limits of his fortitude.
The Slaters were both resting easy, their lungs clear enough that his ministrations were no longer required, and he could finally seek his bed. If he didn’t collapse on the way.
Oakham was still. Only the sound of his footsteps (muted though they were) broke the silence, and Arthur couldn’t believe how calm the world could be. Even if London slowed at this time of night, it never quieted entirely. Animals calling, carriage wheels clattering against the cobblestones, people going about their business, street vendors hawking their wares, the city was a tumult of noise that one could not entirely escape—even inside one’s own home.
Standing on the main thoroughfare of this village, it felt as though he were the only person stirring. Every living creature from the livestock to their masters was snug in their bed, lost in their dreams.
Darkness was so much stronger in the country. Arthur hadn’t thought anything about traveling at night before, but in the city, one could rely on streetlamps to light the way even if the houses snuffed their own. Oakham boasted no such amenities, and the cottages were few and far between on the edge of the village, so even when the lanterns were lit, they helped little.
Only the moonlight above guided him home, and Arthur added a lamp to the list of supplies he required as a country physician. He supposed it wasn’t an easy thing to haul around on a daily basis, so perhaps not. Or perhaps he might be able to store it in a saddle bag—when he finally mastered riding.
Thankfully, the skies were clear tonight, and the moon and stars above provided quite the sight. It wasn’t as though the city was entirely devoid of such nighttime displays, but it felt as though Arthur saw through the entire vastness of space, glimpsing every star in the universe; so many that one couldn’t say the sky was black but rather a swirl of gray.
Drawing in a breath, Arthur turned his gaze to the road ahead and focused on the journey home—only to see light blazing from a window ahead. He suspected the source long before he was close enough to see the Templetons’ home clearly, andthough he knew he ought to ignore it, his eyes moved to the windows of their own accord.
To one side of the front door, the parlor was dark with the shutters closed tight, but on the other, the office fire blazed, casting the room in a bright orange glow, and Miss Templeton stood before it, shifting a pan above the flames. Some of her curls tumbled free of their bindings, sticking to her neck and cheeks as she frowned at her work. It was impossible to tell if it was a trick of the light or the truth, but even from the road, Miss Templeton looked liable to collapse.
Arthur’s own body throbbed, reminding him of his waiting bed, but he couldn’t turn away from the sight. Keeping a tight hold on his heart, he refused the urge to join her as he had so often done over the last few weeks. Miss Templeton had made her feelings clear, and he wasn’t going to waste precious time fostering a false friendship and an unrequited love. Better to simply forget her and look to other possibilities.
But try as he might, Arthur couldn’t help but feel an echo of the defeat that had her shoulders slumping.
