“And secondly, you ought to speak to her about her mother.”
Miss Delmonte’s words broke Silas free of that contemplation, and he stared at her.
“I do not mean to contradict you, but I hardly think I am the proper person—” he began.
“And who else is there?” asked Miss Delmonte with raised brows. “Have you considered that one of the many reasons why Helen clings to her aunt is that there is no one else with whom she can speak about her mama? Many of the servants are new to the household or, like me, did not know her well enough to be of any use. Her younger brother and sister are hardly prime conversationalists, and Helen doesn’t know what to do with her grief. I am trying my best to aid her, but there is only so much I can do.”
Puffing out his cheeks, Silas sighed, a long, low breath hissing out of him. Once again, Miss Delmonte was entirely correct, and he was entirely uncertain how he’d manage. Time and time again, it seemed as though all those pleasant dreams of a happy home were slipping away, and Silas’s heart sank as he considered whether he’d learn to navigate to these ever-changing waters.
“Do not surrender, Mr. Byrnes.” Miss Delmonte’s voice broke, and she blinked, shaking her head. “Keep speaking to her. Keep listening. She is desperate for your affection.”
Emotion choked her words, speaking as much to the lady before him as the child of whom she spoke. Silas’s hands itched to reach out to her, to take hold of Miss Delmonte once more; it was no silly impulse that comes and goes with little fanfare, but a deep-seated desire that pulled at the very core of him. For all that he believed his day to be trying, it was nothing to compare to hers. The poor woman had lost so very much in her life and was left with so little. And Silas longed to give her everything.
“You deserve my deepest thanks, Miss Delmonte.” Silas gave her a sad, lopsided smile and added, “I would be lost without you.”
“I am certain you would’ve managed.” Miss Delmonte shifted in her seat, her gaze not rising to meet his.
“You would say that after witnessing the row between Ruth and myself?” Silas huffed and shook his head, leaning forward to rest his elbows upon his knees. “With a few eloquent words, you had us both in hand.”
Miss Delmonte slanted a look at him. “You give me too much credit, sir.”
“I don’t think I could ever give you enough,” he whispered.
She stiffened and raised her head to meet his gaze fully. Silas had heard Miss Delmonte describe her eyes as a dull, ordinary brown, yet that was not what stared back at him. Though millions of others shared the self-same shade as Miss Delmonte, her very soul shone from their depths, making them as unique as the lady herself.
Silas shifted in his seat and reached forward to take her hand in his. He longed for her touch. The feel of her skin. But Miss Delmonte rose to her feet, stepping to the mantle. The space between them was not far, but a silent, empty chasm rested between them that left him so very alone. Heartache was such a simple word, but the pain in his chest was anything but a simple ache. It was not some vague emotion but a real, physical throb that echoed through him with each heartbeat.
Resting a hand atop it, Miss Delmonte considered her reflection for a moment before turning to him once more.
“I am afraid I must ask for a few weeks away, sir,” she said, but before Silas could say a word, Miss Delmonte hurried on to explain. “My cousin passed away last month, and her husband is struggling to maintain his household. He has asked me to visit and assist him in setting it to rights again. Though I know it will be an imposition, I hope you will allow me to go. He has need of me at present.”
Silas’s breath caught, a pang echoing through him at the thought of the house without her in it. “I have need of you.”
Miss Delmonte bobbed. “Of course, sir. If you do not wish it—”
“That is not what I meant.” Desire and decorum warred one against the other, filling his thoughts with conflicting things he wished to speak versus that which he ought to. Silas rose to his feet and tucked his hands behind him, turning in place to pace a few steps before pausing to face her again. “With Felix arriving home soon, there is no reason Helen cannot take a holiday from her lessons.”
She swallowed and nodded. “Nurse Johnson is capable of handling the children, and I am certain Mrs. Barton can offer additional assistance when required, so it shouldn’t be too much of an imposition on the household.”
Stepping closer, Silas forced his hands to remain at his side though he came within touching distance of her. “I shall miss you.”
Miss Delmonte nodded but did not raise her gaze.
“I miss you now.” The words slipped out, but Silas did not regret voicing them. That drew her attention, and she stared at him with wide eyes. “I have spent the past month seeking out the company of ladies, but there is only one with whom I wish to spend my days.”
Stepping around him, Miss Delmonte moved to the far side of the room. “You shouldn’t say such things to me, sir. I doubt Mrs. Talley would appreciate it.”
Shoulders dropping, Silas waved that away. “She is a fine enough lady, I suppose, but she is not you.”
“And Miss Stevenson? Mrs. Wilberforce? Mrs. Armitage?”
Silas raised a staying hand, but before he could defend himself, she continued.
“I am convenient. That is all. I have heard it before,” she said with a shake of her head. “You need a partner. A helpmate. A lady to be a mother to your children—”
“That is not it, Miss Delmonte.” Silas rubbed at his forehead as though that might clear his thoughts. Eyes wide, Miss Delmonte stood there in silence as Silas spoke, and he took the opportunity to sneak closer, inching nearer until he could nearly hold her.
“I feel a kinship for you that I do not feel for any other lady,” The memory of her lips burned in his thoughts, begging him to take her into his embrace again, but Silas reined in the impulse and tried to focus on what he could say to convince her to step into his arms once more. “They are all pleasant enough, but I do not yearn to speak to them. I do not miss their company when they are gone. I’ve spent the past month coming to know them, and still, they do not inspire the same joy and pleasure I feel when I am with you.”
