Her chest tightened, crushing her heart. What was so wrong with surrendering? It was only a bit of mutual comfort. Surely, it was not so very bad for her to grasp this morsel of pleasure. To revel in what she longed for. Play the part and pretend it was real.
Judith rested her hands on his chest and pushed, but Mr. Byrnes’s arms held her in place. He murmured something incoherent and leaned in again, but Judith twisted away.
“Mr. Byrnes,” she said, borrowing her most strident governess tone—though it fell remarkably short.
“Miss Delmonte,” he whispered, his hands rubbing her back.
“You’ve taken leave of your senses,” she added.
But he met that with a lazy smile. “I think this is the most sensible thing I’ve done all day.”
His gaze finally met hers, his eyes shining with a hint of mirth, but there was something to it that rang false.
“This isn’t—” she began, but Mr. Byrnes leaned in again, and Judith wrenched herself free, moving further down the sofa and patting at her clothes and hair. Good gracious. Several locks had tumbled free of her chignon, and there was little to be done to save it.
“This isn’t right, Mr. Byrnes,” she said with extra emphasis.
Mr. Byrnes snatched up her hand, holding it in his, and heaven save her, but she couldn’t bring herself to free herself. “What makes you say that?”
“Because it isn’t real,” she whispered.
“For my part, it is.” His fingers traced lazy circles across her palm, and with each brush, Judith found it more difficult to think.
Forcing herself to focus, Judith studied him as she said, “I think your feelings run more towards loneliness and desperation than earnest affection.”
But the bounder just smiled and leaned down to place another kiss on her palm. “I know my heart better than you.”
It was so wretchedly hard to think. Her head spun, though she trusted the instincts that warned her to hold firm. Judith pressed her free hand to her stomach, hoping it might calm the upset there. Her hand trembled, and Mr. Byrnes grinned and leaned down to press yet another kiss to it.
Judith yanked her hand free, bursting to her feet. “I am not a lightskirt, sirrah!”
Mr. Byrnes straightened, his brow lowering as he finally met her gaze again. “I never claimed you were.”
“But you are treating me as one,” she said.
“I care for you, Miss Delmonte,” he said, rising to his feet as well. Throwing his arms wide as though to encompass the passing moments, the fellow dared to smile. “I would think my actions speak well enough of my feelings.”
“Your actions are that of a man lost in a passing fancy.”
Mr. Byrnes scowled at that. “I take exception to that, Miss Delmonte.”
“And I take exception to you using me to soothe your troubled heart.”
“That is not what happened!” he said, his voice rising.
“Sir, please!” she hissed, glancing at the library door, though it was unlikely anyone would overhear. The rest of the family were abed, and the servants were occupied in other areas of the house, but one could not be too careful. Judith rubbed at her forehead, though it did not ease the growing megrim. Good gracious! Should anyone discover what happened, she would be ruined! What employer would wish for a scandalous woman to teach their children?
Mr. Byrnes lowered his tone and repeated himself, adding, “I care for you, Miss Delmonte.”
Pain pricked at his choice of words. Judith couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, yet she knew she needed to see his expression: there was so much more truth to be found there.
“You care for me?” Judith pressed a hand to her stomach.
The fellow nodded. “You have been such a great blessing to me at this time. Is it any wonder I am fond of you?”
Judith’s free hand covered her mouth, her eyes closing as she considered that. “A gentleman does not treat a lady in such a fashion without there being some understanding between them. Can you tell me with all honesty that this was born of proper and honest love and not just you seeking a bit of solace after a long and trying day?”
Mr. Byrnes winced at that, rocking on his feet as he straightened his open waistcoat. His eyes darted down, and his fingers flew to button it properly. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out as he stood there like a gaping clod. The silence was a palpable thing, growing in strength as the seconds stretched. From the depths of her heart came a word that echoed through her. With each beat, it pounded in her brain—fool, fool, fool. Each one testified of what she’d ignored, blindly accepting Mr. Byrnes’s embrace as though it were real.
