Tabitha would happily surrender Mr. Jacobs over to Sally. As much as she liked the man and thought him a pleasant fellow, he couldn’t take her mind off Nic, and after all, that was one of the reasons she searched for a man. Now she was beginning to believe there was no such man out there. Nic would be a hard person to forget.
As the others continued to play, helplessness grew heavy within Tabitha. Was she destined to be the only one who would never find happiness? Although it was within grasp, she couldn’t snatch it. Thetondictated what class of person was allowed to marry a servant, and Nic was definitely not in that category.
Tabitha hurried the others in the game, mainly because she couldn’t wait for this luncheon to end. She needed to be by herself. Seeing how much Nic appeared wounded by her confession, it nearly destroyed her. She couldn’t take it anymore.
Finally, the luncheon came to an end. Nic was actually the first one to leave. He talked to Aunt Clara and Mrs. Stiles, but not once did he look Tabitha’s way. That injured her heart more than she was prepared for. Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked quickly, refusing to shed them.
Soon afterward, Mr. Jacobs made his excuse to leave, and within minutes, he was gone. Sally appeared much too happy,and even though Tabitha should be elated over her friend’s joy, that emotion just was not there.
“Sally, I would stay to help you clean up the dishes, but I fear I have a terrible headache, and I need to lie down.”
Sally shook her head. “You don’t need to help me. I can do this myself.”
Mrs. Stiles and Aunt Clara didn’t say anything to Tabitha as she made her way back inside the house. Of course, they didn’t hide the sadness in their eyes as they watched her depart, but thankfully, they didn’t comment about it, either.
When she reached her room and closed the door, the tears she’d been holding back rushed forth. None of this was fair. As much as she wanted to change things, she couldn’t. Frustration built inside of her, making her want to lash out at something—or someone.
She paced the small space in her room, but that only aggravated her more. Outside was where she needed to be—outside breathing in the fresh ocean air that had brought comfort to her since her arrival here.
She grabbed her shawl and flung open her bedroom door. She flew down the stairs in a whirlwind of confusion and rage, and left the house as if the devil himself were on her heels.
Before reaching the gate, someone called her name from over by the shade tree. Her heart sped faster, recognizing the sound of his voice before she was able to see his face. Nic leaned against the tree with his arms folded over his chest. Sadness encased his face, tearing at her heart even more.
She clutched her hands against her middle and walked to him. The tall hedges around the fence would help block anyone passing by on the street from seeing and becoming curious. When she reached him, she stopped.
“I have just one thing to ask,” he said softly.
She nodded, but didn’t dare speak for fear her voice would crack with emotion.
“Do you love me?”
She sucked in a quick breath of air.Love?Why would he ask such a question? “My lord, I don’t understand why you need to know that. After all, you have not confessed to me anything of the sort. True, I know you care about me, as I care about you, but…love?”
His expression didn’t change; he only blinked a couple of times. “Tabitha, you didn’t answer the question. Do you love me?”
“I—I—um, I don’t know.” Confusion strummed through her, making her want to cry. Although she might love him, she didn’t want to. Loving him would only break her heart. “Oh, Nic, I just don’t know what I feel anymore. I know you think I don’t know my own mind, and maybe I don’t.” She rubbed her forehead. “Perhaps all I need is to just get away from you for a few days to think—” She shook her head, knowing that wasn’t the answer. “But really, I don’t hearyouconfessing words of love toward me.” She took a deep breath and quickly continued, “And do you know why you don’t? It’s because deep down inside, youknowloving me is impossible. We are from two different worlds and we can never be together.”
His jaw hardened and he nodded once. “That’s all I need to know.” He moved away from her, his feet tearing up the grass as if he couldn’t wait to put distance between the two of them. Soon he was out of the yard and storming down the street toward his cousin’s house.
Agony wrenched her heart, and tears came once again. Sobs escaped her throat as her legs took her in the opposite direction toward the ocean. A small wind blew, but the coolness against her skin refreshed her slightly. Tears streamed down her face in buckets by the time she reached the beach, but she didn’t careif anyone saw. Thankfully, the only people out for a stroll this afternoon were farther up the beach and wouldn’t disturb her.
She found a sawed off tree trunk by the grassy cliff and sat, gazing out across the ocean. Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths and literally felt herself becoming calmer. The sound of the rushing water and the waves of the ocean did that to her. This morning’s accident had scared her and her life did flash before her eyes, but she was glad it didn’t take away her love for the soothing waters.
Thinking back about her days here, she realized she really loved this place, but if Nic remained close by, it would be impossible to stay here. She prayed he’d help his cousin find their thief so that the marquess could return to his own home in Mayfair.
“Oh, Nic,” she muttered. “Why are you doing this to me?”
She covered her hands over her face and sobbed, body-shaking, heart-wrenching cries. Resting her elbows on her knees, she continued to let her grief out the only way she knew. Yet, no matter how hard she cried, grief still stayed inside her. She would never be able to remove Nic from her thoughts or her heart. She’d always remember his endearing words. Her mind would never forget the way his eyes lit up when he smiled and winked at her. And his kiss was permanently branded on her mouth. Life as she knew it would be miserable from this day forward.
Behind her, the leaves of the bushes rustled, startling her. Within an instant, her sobbing stopped as she spun around to see what had made the noise. Through her teary vision, an older woman came toward her, brushing her sand-covered hands against the skirt of her dress.
“Miss Paget? Is that you?”
Inwardly, Tabitha groaned. She didn’t want to speak to anyone, especially the meddlesome Miss Talbot. Quickly,Tabitha turned her head to wipe the tears off her cheeks and in her eyes.
“Oh, dear. You are crying.”
Tabitha didn’t look at the other woman, but continued to fight her emotions from boiling over again. She must stop this madness. Crying wouldn’t do her any good at all. “I shall be fine, I assure you.” Her voice squeaked.
