“Some say you jumped off the cliff while Ludlow was aiming to shoot you again.” She shrugged. “There were even rumors that Ludlow and his second weren’t even there—that you and your brother had been traveling abroad and came upon bandits that were being chased by the local military regiment and you were caught in the crossfire. They said you were close to the cliffs and when the bullet hit you, that’s when you fell over the edge.”
“I like that story better.” He shook his head. “Nevertheless, Lord Hollingsworth and his second were the ones hiding within the shadows of the trees the night I received the letter. Trey had told me he didn’t feel right about things, and urged me to get back on my horse. Just as I had turned to do that very thing, Lord Hollingsworth shot me. I couldn’t even return a shot because I had no weapon on me at the time. Then we fought, and I fell over the cliff.”
Tears burned her eyes and she blinked to keep from crying. “Forgive me for thinking you jumped or that you were a coward and didn’t show.” Without wanting it to, a tear slipped down her cheek. “I didn’t want to believe that about you. I hadn’t known you for very long, but the kind of man I’d come to know during that short time wasn’t the kind of man who would jump—or run away.” She cleared her throat when it began to crack. “Ludlow had also tried to convince me that you were a rogue just like your younger brother. Ludlow told me the only reason you were so determined to win me was because, because…” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her emotions.
“Because?” he asked softly as he brushed his thumb on her cheek, removing a few more tears that had slipped free.
“Because you wanted to bed me. You were not used to giving up on a woman until after you had claimed your prize.”
His jaw hardened. After a few moments of awkward silence, he exhaled slowly and withdrew his touch. “Why did you believe him?”
“I didn’t believe him, but over the next couple of weeks the servants talked of this as well. People in town were also discussing your rakish behavior, especially because you had singled me out at your mother’s party.” She took a breath and continued, “After a while, I just finally accepted it as the truth. If only Trey had said something to me—or anyone—I would have believed. Why had your brother not come to tell me? Didn’t he think I cared?”
Releasing a ragged sigh, Tristan pushed his fingers through his hair. “I had heard that Trey blamed himself for my death because he couldn’t save me. Because he didn’t try to stop the duel in the first place. I heard he was half mad with remorse that he kept to his room for months. The thought probably never crossed his mind to tell you. However, I do believe after Trey had tried to move on with his life, he blamed you.”
She inhaled sharply. “Me? But why?”
“Because he figured you should have tried to stop the duel. He felt that you had encouraged the duel in the first place. Trey also felt that you should have confessed to being a compromised woman and possibly being with child.”
His words vibrated through her so hard, it nearly shook her off the sofa. She jumped to her feet and stared at him. “What? You think I was in themotherly way?” She took a deep breath. “Why in Heaven’s name would you believe that?”
He held up his hand in surrender. “Wait a moment before you get yourself in a dither, let me finish explaining.”
“Oh! Please do.”
He patted the empty space on the cushion next to him. “Sit back down, please.”
Anger, hurt, and humiliation raged through her. Tears fell from her eyes for different reasons this time. Bunching her hands by her side, she glared at him. “You thought that just because I had allowed you to kiss me in the greenhouse, I had given other men the same privilege—and more?”
“Diana, please. Just sit down and let me explain.”
She couldn’t sit. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t even scream at the top of her voice how unfair life was. All she could do was… was… A sob tore from her throat and she covered her hands over her face. Diana didn’t need to ask why he and his brother had thought this. Ludlow had ruined her reputation—and her life—in more ways than one.
Sobbing that she could not contain rushed forth. The palms of her hands dampened quickly from her tears. Frustration and helplessness had always been part of her life, especially after being forced to marry Ludlow, and she was tired of it. Tired of everything!
Strong arms wrapped around her shoulders and Tristan pulled her against his body. Warmth spread through her, comforting her more than she could have imagined. Gently, he urged her back to the sofa, where she obediently followed.
For years she’d been holding back her feelings, convincing herself there was no use in crying since it never solved a thing. Yet now as she sobbed against Tristan’s chest, relief made her chest lighter, and that confused her. She couldn’t understand the peace flowing through her, either.
He kissed her forehead and tightened his arms around her. “Please don’t cry,” he said softly. “It’s tearing me up inside.”
“Since your return from being um… dead, I have noticed you held bitter feelings for me.” She sniffed. “Those times we had attended the same dinner parties, or the same balls, or I saw you in town, you glared at me.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “I could never understand what I had done.”
He ran the pads of his thumbs under her eyes, wiping away the tears. “When I returned to civilization, I had no memory of the duel. I remembered the days we’d spent together—and the time at the greenhouse—but not much after that. However, whenever I saw you, I did have a feeling of loathing… of hatred, but I couldn’t make sense of those emotions. It wasn’t until last night while I was dreaming that my memory opened up and led me through what really happened and what I had felt during those moments.” Tristan leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Hollingsworth had told me after he’d shot me that he’d forced himself on you earlier that evening and you were probably carrying his heir. He also mentioned that he had paid off your father’s debts, and that you had known about it the whole time. Trey heard the same thing as I did, and I was never able to talk to my brother about Hollingsworth’s accusations before I fell over the cliff.” He caressed her cheek.
She sniffed back another sob. The pain in her heart made her chest feel as if a house was resting upon it. “Ludlow lied when he told you he’d compromised me. He didn’t even touch me until after our wedding.” She took a deep breath. “But he did pay my father’s debts. I had known this, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to you. My father and I both thought that if you paid Ludlow back he’d change his mind and break the engagement.”
Tristan nodded. “I think that was why I held so much anger and betrayal in my heart for you after my accident. I didn’t know what it was, but now I feel that’s what drove me to drink and turned me into a bitter man.”
She wiped a tear sliding down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Tristan. Ludlow had lied to both of us, and was determined to keep us apart no matter what the cost.”
“So true. I just wish I could have stopped him. If I hadn’t have gone to the cliffs that night to find you—”
“Shhh.” She placed a finger to his lips. “We cannot relive the past. We must start over right now and move forward from here.”
He shrugged. “You are correct, of course. I had wallowed in my heartache for too long. I had lost you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with you. Whenever I saw you in town, it hurt too much to look at you.”
“Oh, Tristan.” More tears poured down her face. “I never wanted to marry him. I hated him. He was cruel and always threatened me if I didn’t do his bidding. It didn’t take long for me to become bitter toward you for not… not…” She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as she tried to control her emotions. “I had hoped that the rumors about you were false, and that you were somehow still alive so you could rescue me from my miserable life. I suffered so much abuse from that man. When I couldn’t get pregnant, he beat me. When I disagreed with him over anything, he struck me and locked me in my room for days. Living with him was pure hell, and the whole time I kept imagining whatmighthave happened if we were married.”
