Gertrude pulled away from him. “While I appreciate your outrage on my behalf, what I’m about to disclose will give you a clear glimpse into my true character, one that does not show me in a favorable light, which will then have your outrage dissolving straightaway.”
Harrison frowned. “I highly doubt whatever you disclose is going to change my attitude about your character, but you’ve piqued my curiosity, so disclose away.”
“I was not all that sorry my mother was dead. In fact, the honest truth is that I was relieved.”
“Which is perfectly understandable given that she’d abused you both physically and mentally.”
Gertrude ignored his response. “I barely mourned her death, relishing instead my new circumstance of being sent off to a fancy boarding school, paid for by the very relatives my mother refused to approach after we’d run out of money. Once settled into that school, I pushed almost all thoughts of my mother aside, appreciating that I could enjoy a peaceful life there, one where no one screamed at me, assaulted me, or left me riddled with guilt.”
“It seems to me as if you’re still riddled with some measure of guilt,” Harrison said slowly.
“Of course I am. I failed to mourn the loss of my own mother.” Gertrude shook her head. “What type of daughter does that except the most callous of creatures?”
Harrison leaned toward her. “Have you ever considered turning this guilt over to God? From what I understand, you attend church regularly, which makes me wonder why you’ve harbored such a devastating emotion for so long.”
Gertrude gave a dismissive flick of her wrist. “My behavior in regard to my mother would have certainly disappointed God, which explains exactly why He never bothers to answer any of my prayers. He knows I have a selfish heart, one that is not worthy of His time, grace, or love.”
“I beg to differ. Your heart is more than worthy of love and grace. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have been so considerate of Mrs. Davenport and her unusual pastimes over the years.”
Another flick of her wrist was her first response to that. “Don’t give me more credit than I deserve, Harrison. In all honesty, I’ve been hoping my care of Mrs. Davenport will allow me to make amends for my neglect of my mother. I thought that if I could prevent another woman who suffers from melancholy from experiencing the same sad end as my mother, God might forgive me for my transgressions, especially the one pertaining to not feeling overly burdened by her death.”
Harrison took her hand in his. “Surely you don’t think Mrs. Davenport is intending to harm herself, do you?”
“I’m afraid I do. I tendered my notice to her after she told me about leaving her reticule on board theCornelia, stuffed to the gills with items that belonged to your sister.” Gertrude released a sigh. “I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to do that. Then, after Temperance told us how Mrs. Davenport reacted to the news of my arrest, I’m worried that news was too much for her to bear.” She glanced back to him. “Even if Mrs. Davenport is not intending to harm herself, I do think my abandonment of her has proven to God once and for all that I’m unworthy of His attention.”
“Have you actually listened to any of those sermons you’ve apparently been privy to while you’ve been in Mrs. Davenport’s employ and attended services with her?”
“I listen well enough to where I can quote Scripture with the best of them, although like most people, I don’t listen to every word of every sermon.”
“You’ve obviously missed the sermons I’m sure have been delivered at Grace Church that center around the truth that everyone is worthy of God’s grace and forgiveness.”
“I haven’t missed those sermons, Harrison. I simply don’t believe them, but...” She stopped talking and looked out the window right as the hansom cab began to slow. “We’re here.”
As the cab came to a stop directly in front of Grace Church, Gertrude, exactly like she’d done at the Manhattan Beach Hotel, did not wait for him to get the door for her. Instead, she jumped out of the cab, then bolted toward the church, moving at a pace that would certainly earn her another painful stitch in her side and a definite bout of wheezing.
Chapter
Twenty
Whatever scenario Gertrude was expecting to discover in Grace Church paled in comparison to what she actually encountered. Stumbling to a stop, she felt her mouth drop open as she simply gawked at Mrs. Davenport.
That lady, for some unknown reason, was standing on a rickety ladder, wiping the panes of a stained-glass window with what appeared to be a cleaning cloth, muttering something under her breath as she wiped.
“Miss Cadwalader, thank the good Lord you’ve shown up,” a quiet voice said from Gertrude’s right, drawing her attention.
Moving up the side aisle was Reverend Benjamin Perry, an associate minister at Grace Church, and a gentleman who’d often tried to engage Gertrude in conversation, although she’d done her very best to dodge his attempts over the past few years.
The reason behind that dodging revolved around the idea that Reverend Benjamin Perry was a gentleman possessed of a good and honest heart—a man of the cloth who clearly believed God was attentive, loving, and most of all, forgiving. Because of that, she’d kept her distance from the reverend, as had Mrs. Davenport, probably because Mrs. Davenport sensed the same goodness in him Gertrude did and felt somewhat lacking in his presence.
Pushing those uncomfortable thoughts away when Reverend Perry reached her side, Gertrude soon found her hand tucked into the crook of his arm as he nodded to where Mrs. Davenport was now applying herself more diligently than ever to her curious task.
“Any thoughts as to why Mrs. Davenport is cleaning a window that was cleaned only this morning?” he asked in a hushed tone.
“I’m afraid not.”
“Is she perhaps one of those women who feels compelled to pick up a dustcloth when she doesn’t believe a job has been completed to her satisfaction?”
“I’ve never seen her pick up a cleaning cloth before, and I’ve certainly never seen her apply herself so diligently to any domestic task.”
