Pain seeped into my fingertips, and with the ground two feet below me, I dropped. My foot skidded in the mud. But I didn’t have time for this. I wiggled my boot out, bit back some tears, and whipped around to bolt.
Sliding my back against the house’s edge, I peeked around the corner from the back of their yard and noted the coast was clear.
“Going somewhere?”
Fuck.
Laken stood with his hands in his pockets, his jaw clenched, and he tightened his mouth in a thin frown. The warm lights from the house outlined his body, highlighting the tips of his dark-blond hair, the edges of his body I craved. “Reece…”
I couldn’t do this.
Arguing had never been my thing because the moment I got upset, frustrated, or mad, I’d cry. And despite Laken only saying those three words, I looked at him and my body flooded. My eyes lined with tears and my throat closed in on itself. I couldn’t move my feet and my hands tore at my arms, looking for somewhere to hide, looking for an ounce of comfort.
Even with the darkness engulfing him, his lips quivered. “Reece, please.”
“You’re leaving,” I blurted. The noise behind him felt overwhelming, and with the lights, the worry of someone walking out or watching from inside… I felt sick. “You’re leaving and you didn’t tell me.”
His shoulders caved. “I was waiting—”
“For what?”Here we go.“What were you waiting for? To let me down softly? Kill me slowly? Break it to me easy?” Did I breathe too heavily or not breathe at all?
Laken could’ve said a thousand things. He could’ve made a hundred excuses. But he didn’t—he didn’t because he knew. He knew how much I feared this and that was why he hadn’t told me. We both knew. He came closer, leaving only inches between us.
“Do you know how much it hurts to hear it from someone else? Surrounded by people where I can’t even react? I can’t—”
My breath ran out. “How long have you known?”
“A couple days”—he swallowed—“after we got back from the market.”
I bit the inside of my lip and tore my attention from his face. If I stared into his eyes any longer, I’d forget why we were having this conversation in the first place.
“I didn’t intend for you to find out like this, I planned to tell you myself after the party.” Hearing Laken defend himself sent a crack through my heart. He wasn’t supposed to defend himself to me, this wasn’t supposed to happen. “Telling you before the party would’ve made it impossible to be here and I thought we’d have a chance to talk it out…”
Lip quivering, I blinked away the rising tears. “I just got you back.”
“I am leaving, Reece. But I am coming back to you, whether you like it or not. I always do. I always will. Don’t you get that? It’s always been you, Reece.”
I knew that.
But could I do this again?
“I… I—I need some time.”
Laken didn’t have time to react before I turned to leave, and he didn’t grab my wrist as I walked away. With all of the will in my bones, I didn’t turn around. If I saw him standing there with his sad puppy dog eyes and hands in his pockets, I’d cave. Because as much as he felt like my strength—he was also my weakness. My soft spot.
One step forward, I repeated to myself the entire walk home. During the moment, I’d forgotten we rode to his parents on Moon, and it was a long walk home. One I took by myself, where my tears could run free.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The sun seemed colder from where I crouched on the couch like a caterpillar in a cocoon with a blanket wrapped around my body. When I looked out the window wall, its rays didn’t touch the grass and neither did its warmth. I pulled the edges tighter over my ribs and shoulders.
Waiting for Maggie to arrive in preparation for the fundraiser, I’d fused with the cushions. The creatures continued to sleep, and I hadn’t found the motivation within me to wake them. I wanted to be an empty shell of a human for as long as possible. I sat bundled up with a box of Ruth’s cinnamon rolls in front of me. I hadn’t touched them. I hadn’t changed out of my silk pajamas. Or brushed my hair. The world was me and the wall I stared at.
Had I spent all day sulking? No.
I’d spent all dayand night.
I’d stayed awake half the night going back and forth about what I wanted. Laken’s leaving didn’t change how I felt about him, but it affected how I felt about us. And unfortunately, he’d been respectful. If he’d reacted with a tone or said something he didn’t mean, my decision would’ve been easier. But Laken wasn’t the one to do that, I was.
