Either way, the moment passed.
“It wasn’t important. Let’s go home and get some sleep.”
His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t push me on it, and I’m grateful for how well he knows me.
When we get home, I tell him I’m going to my own room since it’s too late for us to hook up, kicking myself when that furrow appears between his brows. And instead of spending the night next to the person who’s quickly becoming everything, I spend the night alone, staring into the dark and telling myself I need to figure this out before we both get hurt.
I avoidInez’s wide eyes as I pick my way through the stalls of the Campo dei Fiori market, a large piazza packed full with tents. While the market has seen a drastic uptick in stalls selling kitschy souvenirs since I was last here, the fresh fruit and vegetables are still some of the best in the city.
“So you’re telling me that this man, the one you’ve been having incredible, wild sex with”—Inez’s voice drops low on the wordsex, like she’s worried the old lady selling fruit will judge us—“stood up to your father, a man who could make or break his career.”
I gulp, but hide it with a quick word to the vendor, requesting a bundle of fresh cherries. She slips out a produce bag with a sly smile and a wink before gathering the fruit.
“Yes, that’s what I’m telling you,” I finally say to Inez after paying and moving away from the stall.
“And then he made sweet, tender love to you?” she asks with stars in her eyes, and I snort. “Andthen, he took you to one of your favorite places in the middle of the night just because he knew it would make you smile?”
I sigh heavily. “Yes.”
She squeals loudly enough to draw stares. “Oh my god, he loves you so much! Tomasso and I are going to need a double date ASAP.”
My stomach clenches, but I force an eye roll. “No double dates. And of course Colton loves me. I’m one of his best friends.”
“You know what I mean. He’sinlove with you.”
My heart joins in with my stomach’s roiling, my throat going dry. After last night, her words don’t sound wrong. They sound the opposite of wrong, but I don’t know if I can trust it. What Idoknow is if I give Inez an inch on this, she’ll take a mile.
“It’s just sex,” I say, and the words taste like ash in my mouth.
She pulls on my arm to stop me from walking up to another vendor. “Mija,” she starts with a bite to her tone.
I groan and stomp my feet like a toddler who didn’t get her way. “Can’t you let me have this?”
“I could, but willful ignorance isn’t a good look on you. Don’t you want to be happy?”
Of course I want to be happy. Who would say,no, I actually want to be miserable. Thanks.But what happiness actually looks like is a completely different question.
I don’t know what would happen if I told him I wanted to try for real. Right now, it’s easy. We’re friends and fuck like bunnies on the side. The best of both worlds.
I’ve never been more comfortable in a friendship than I am with Colton. He accepts me fully and completely, and there’s never been a moment I’ve questioned that. But that’s as friends. It’s easy not to get scared or antsy or insecure in a friendship.
But if we tried to be more? I could struggle with the same issues that had plagued every other relationship until we explode and take out our friendship in the blast. I don’t know how I’d handle it if he ended up like Jas, who can’t even make eye contact with me.
But if we end this thing when we leave as planned, we can guarantee our friendship. I can keep him.
And isn’t that the most important thing?
Inez watches me curiously, and I realize I’d stared off into space for god knows how long. I force a smile. “I’ll think about it.”
She squeals and flails her arms. “The double date?”
“Absolutely not. But everything else you said.”
She throws her arms around me, the tomatoes in one of her bags swinging around to hit me in the gut. “That’s so much better than I expected from you!”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I say, linking my arm through hers.
She sighs, looking around us like she needs to savor everydoor, every alley, every stone. “Only three more weeks. It’s gone by so fast.”
