“Because we love each other.” He raises his brows, and I rollmy eyes in answer. “Shut up. You know I love you. You’re my best friend.”
He drops his head back, staring blankly at the ceiling.
I try again. “Please. I was wrong, and I don’t want to leave it like this. I miss you, and I was an asshole because I want to spend time with you and felt like you didn’t care. But I get it. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’m a dick. Please forgive me.”
He stands, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he pulls me into his arms. “I miss you, too, Chaos.”
“I didn’t mean what I said. Your work is incredible.”
His sigh vibrates through my body, and my muscles relax. “I’m sorry, too. You’re not riding on your dad’s coattails. You’re brilliant all on your own.”
“But I kind of am, aren’t I? Riding on Dad’s coattails?” I whisper the words, like I’m afraid if I say them too loud my father will hear them all the way across the Atlantic.
He tenses, then lets go of me. He leans back on his desk and watches me in that thoughtful way of his, weighing each word before letting them out. “You want my honest opinion?”
“Always.” The answer flies from my mouth, even though I’m terrified of what he’ll say. Colton never minces his words with me, and I don’t want him to start now.
He pauses for another few seconds, leaving me in terrible suspense. “I think you’re great at this stuff. I also think you hate it.”
“That’s not true,” I blurt out indignantly. Colton crosses his arms and stares. “Fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut until you finish.”
One side of his lips curves up. “Thank you. You aren’t stressed about any of this—grad school, fellowships, and doctoral programs—but I don’t think it’s because your dad will bail you out. I think it’s because this isn’t what you want.”
“Of course I want it. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”
He raises his hands. “I know. But you don’t seem happy.”
“I’m not unhappy. It’s just… how can I sit in a musty library whenlifeis right outside my door? We get a few more weeks here and I want to explore it all.”
He takes my hand in his. “I’m not judging you. If you say this is what you want, great. But you’re the one who said what we want can change.”
I think about the conversation I had with Roxanne a few weeks ago where I laughed it off when she said I’d be great at this type of work, even as a spark of something lit up behind my ribs.
But there are plenty of cool jobs I’ll never actually pursue. I’d also like to run tours around Southeast Asia, or work as a food critic who gets paid to eat at the best restaurants in the world, or become Channing Tatum’s personal assistant.
Dad and I spent years working out my future. I’m going to teach, like the rest of my family. I’m going to work with Dad on research and continue the Riley legacy. I can’t imagine how he’d react if I told him I wanted to do something else.
So when Roxanne offered to mentor me through the application process for the higher education program she went to, I brushed her off. I can’t give up my whole identity on a whim. And I can’t imagine what my parents would say.
But as Colton watches me patiently over the books that seem to draw him in while repelling me, I wonder if he’s on to something. And if Roxanne’s on to something.
I’m not deviating from my plan.
But one conversation, for curiosity’s sake, can’t hurt.
26
QUINN
JULY — FIVE WEEKS TO WIN OVER THE FACULTY
Colton wasright about me hiding. I was acting like a coward, and that’s not who I am. So I decided, for this week at the very least, I’m going to put myself out there.
I start by meeting up with my friend Juliana and her family. We met when she and her now-fiancé came up to Boston to recruit students for their internship program. They work closely with the faculty in the architecture department and have somehow charmed all of them. If there’s anyone who can help me win Dr. Keck over, it’s these two.
Jules and I are sitting against a tree enjoying the shade while Ben and their girls are out in a canoe on the small, artificial lake. Her youngest, Sophie, stands up in the boat, throwing her arms wide and calling out that she’s queen of the world. Ben intentionally rocks the boat, and Juliana jumps to her feet when Sophie almost topples over the side.
“Ben Thomas, don’t you dare,” Jules calls out to Ben, and he shoots her a wink over his shoulder, sputtering when the ten-year-old splashes water in his face, her sisters cackling on the other side of the boat.
