The two of us dated during my first year in Rome. She was a senior at the American University of Rome with every intention of going back to the States after she finished her degree, so it was casual. When she decided she was going to stay in Rome for graduate school, I had to tell her I didn’t want something serious. We’d stayed friends over the years, but I don’t get why Quinn was bringing her up now.
“Yeah,” Quinn says. “You mentioned she’s interviewing at a museum in Boston, right?”
“Yes,” I say slowly, dragging out the single word. “Why?”
She shrugs. “Thought you two might reconnect when we get back. She seemed like a great fit for you.”
“A great fit,” I repeat, trying to wrap my head around where this was coming from. “She’s a good friend, but we weren’t right together.”
She hums, popping a green olive into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. “What about Bex who works in health and wellness? I think you two would get along.”
“Get along? What the hell are you talking about, Quinn?”
“Oh, or Alyssa in the alumni office?”
I grab her arm as she reaches across the table for another olive and turn her body fully to face me. “What the hell’s going on here?”
She swallows, her throat bobbing with the action. “Just, you haven’t dated anyone in a while and I thought it might be nice for you to explore your options.”
I scoff and reach for a piece of prosciutto. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“But why?” she asks, almost desperate. “Why haven’t you dated anyone?”
I freeze, the food halfway to my mouth. In over a decade of friendship, she’s never pushed me on this, and I’ve always been grateful not to have to lie. Obviously, I can’t tell her the truth.I don’t date because I’ve been madly in love with you since we met and it wouldn’t be fair to the other women.
I give her a partial truth instead. “This industry’s intense. For the past decade, I haven’t known where I was going to end up. I got lucky with my offers, but if the only tenure-track offer I received was at the University of Alaska Fairbanks, I’d have bought a parka and been on the next flight.”
“But you’re on the tenure track now,” she says. “You’ll be in Boston for the rest of your working life.”
“I hope so, but there’s always a chance I get denied tenure.”
On paper, Ishouldget it, but there’s no guarantee until it’s official. The thought of losing my job and having to fight with theother people in my field for the ever-decreasing tenure-track positions is nauseating. Universities would look at my CV and wonder exactly what’s wrong with me that made Billings throw me away.
I suck in a deep breath. “But if Billings decides to part ways with me at any of my pre-tenure reviews, or shit, at my final tenure review, I’ll have to go where the next job is. I have too many responsibilities not to be selfish with my choices.”
Quinn’s smile is sad. “Only you would think choosing your job security so you can financially support your mom is the selfish choice.”
I shrug. “Maybe selfish isn’t the right word, but my mom’s security is my number one priority. Being in a relationship means factoring another person into your plans.”
“And you’ve never met anyone you wanted to do that for?” she asks.
Her eyes are so earnest as she asks this, and I realize that she really has no idea. No idea that I’ve spent the past fourteen years factoring her into my plans, even when she doesn’t ask me to. She is and always will be the biggest pro on any list about Boston.
But she isn’t asking about her. She’s asking about romantic partners.
“No,” I say. “I’ve never met anyone I was willing to change my plans for.”
She nods, a little divot forming between her brows like she’s sad for me, and I fight down the urge to smooth it out with my thumb.
“But you’re one to talk,” I say, the corner of my mouth kicking up. “Why aren’t we talking about finding you a significant other?”
The thought twists something in my stomach, even though I want her to find happiness.
She chuckles. “Don’t think that’s in the cards for me, Colt.”
That twisting in my gut turns a cold, heavy feeling. “What do you mean?”
Quinn waves her hand. “Forget about it.”
