“Everyone, please join me in congratulating this year’s recipient of the Harrow Fellowship for Ancient Roman History…” She pauses for dramatic effect. Quinn and I turn towards each other. “Colton Miller.”
The fuck?
I continue to stare at Quinn as her face breaks out in a giant smile. She stands and throws her arms around my neck, but I’m frozen.
This doesn’t make sense. My research is good, great even, but not better than Quinn’s. She pulls me to stand and pushes me toward the stage in a daze.
When I reach Dr. Cassia, she pulls me in for a hug. “Congratulations, Colton. I’ve never seen a student more deserving.”
She guides me to the podium. Fuck me. I didn’t prepare anything because it seemed like an exercise in masochism. And now I have to speak in front of a giant room with no preparation. Sweat beads on my forehead and I think I might pass out. I look into the audience and see Quinn nodding encouragingly.
I keep my eyes on her the entire time, knowing I won’t make it if my gaze wanders. “Thank you for this incredible opportunity. I’m honored to have been selected and I look forward to working with the foundation in Rome next year.”
I lift the award and nod out toward the crowd. Short and sweet.
I make it back to the table on unsteady legs. Dr. Riley leans over to shake my hand. “Congratulations, son. Welcome to the Harrow family.”
“Thank you, sir.” I turn to Quinn. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how this happened.”
Her eyes shine, and I know she’s holding back for my sake. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You deserve this. I’m so happy for you, Colt.”
“What are you going to do?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Figure it out. Go to grad school. Find a job. Live my life.”
Dr. Riley puts his arm around her shoulders. “There are plenty of other opportunities, Quinn. We’ll write up a plan, and I’ll cover the costs so you can pursue what you’re meant to.”
She smiles tightly at him. “Thanks, Dad.”
Quinn begs for us to explore New York after the program wraps up. If it’ll make her smile after losing, I’ll do anything she wants. I drag my tired and emotionally exhausted body down the sidewalk as she points out interesting buildings and cool bars.
She pulls me into one and plops me down on a bench along the bar.
“I can’t believe you get to be in Rome all next year,” she says as she sips her drink.
“Yeah. Me neither. I didn’t think I stood a chance.”
She grabs my chin and forces my eyes to hers. “Stop. Right now. You don’t see yourself the way everyone around you does. You’rebrilliant. Brilliant and creative and so fucking talented. They’d have been idiots not to pick you.”
“You realize you were my competition, right?”
She laughs, an airy, genuine sound I wouldn’t have expected to hear right after losing the fellowship she always expected to win. “I knew they were going to choose you. Why do you think I was so adamant you come tonight? I had no doubt because I’ve seen your work.”
She’s right. Iamfucking brilliant. I received the most prestigious fellowship in my field. Why am I still second guessing whether I have something to contribute? And to top it all off, I beat out someone incredibly talented, not to mention incrediblyconnected. That wouldn’t happen unless I deserved it. Unless what I brought to the table was unique and worthwhile.
That thought settles into my bones. I’m going back to Rome. Without her. I’m torn between the overwhelming relief that my future is still on track and the desire to throw it all away to stay close to her. This beautiful, strong, overwhelming girl who pushes me toward my dreams, even when it means me stealing hers.
My eyes fill with tears. When I try to blink them away, she shakes her head. “You can cry, you know. You don’t have to be all strong, manly man and all that.”
I laugh as a tear slides down my cheek. “I’m gonna miss you.”
She shifts on the bench and wraps her arms around me, laying her head on my chest. “You’re going to forget all about me once you’re off living the big life in Rome.”
“There’s nothing in this world that could make me forget you, Chaos.”
She tilts her head but keeps it on my chest. “Promise?”
I kiss her forehead, taking a minute to breathe her in. Even with the distance, her request is an easy promise to keep. This girl’s in my bones, and nothing will get her out.
