“Nobody who’d seen the type of injury we’re talking about could ever call it minor, so while the rani’s strong maternal instinct is to be commended, I doubt she truly knows how our soldiers are suffering.” Vishwajeet shook his head sadly, as if he felt bad not only for the soldiers but also for my lack of comprehension. “She cannot understand the depths of their pain.”
“I have trained for combat since I was a child.” I tried to keep my voice even, but it was hard in the face of such condescension. “Some of my closest friends have died in combat. How dare you say I don’t know their pain?”
“You don’t know this pain,” he said. “The Porcugi are enemies like none we’ve ever seen. They have destroyed the lives of so many with just one attack.”
Someone from inside the infirmary cried out, and Aru’s head whipped toward the doors.
Vishwajeet waited for the scream’s echo to fade into the halls. “Raja, I have discussed this at length with the rest of the council. We understand why you thought you needed to take a stand against the Porcugi, but we beg you to reconsider. The Porcugi are sending an emissary soon. We strongly urge you to consider peace.”
Another scream pierced the air, and Aru’s jaw clenched at the sound.
“For our people’s sake, we must consider it,” Vishwajeet finished.
I could see Aru’s resolve wavering. “This is the first battle, and they used a weapon we never could have imagined. But Nallini is a genius. Her paste can counteract the poison in their wounds.” I put my hand on Aru’s cheek and brought his eyes to meet mine. “Please. Just let her try. You’ll see how amazing her work truly is. What harm is there in trying?”
“What harm?” Vishwajeet sounded offended, and there were murmurs from the council. “Putting aside the fact that you said Parushi had only a minor cut and we have no idea what Nallini’s medicament will actually do to those who have the red webbing, our healers are busy enough treating the patients that don’t have it. They’re fighting to keep those brave soldiers alive, and you would take their attention away from the people they could actually save to try some... some... experiment?”
For a moment, I wanted to vomit on Vishwajeet’s shoes, just to make him go away. At least then all this nausea might have a purpose. Instead, I kept my eyes on my husband, hoping he would agree with me and let Nallini show them her turmeric paste, but instead he gave a small shake of his head. I didn’t need to look at Vishwajeet to know he was wearing the smile of victory.
“I would like a moment with my wife.” Aru guided me away from the group. He lowered his voice as he continued, “Vishwajeet tells me there is no hope of winning against the Porcugi. Our soldiers don’t know how to fight these monsters; our healers can’t tend to the injuries; and our monks have no answers despite their prayers. How many people must die?—how many families must shatter?—before the cost of the tithe is worth it?”
My mouth went dry. The gilded designs on the walls danced in the torches’ light, mocking me with their splendor as we stood and discussed the value of a person’s life. A messenger hurried to Vishwajeet’s side and mumbled to him, but Aru kept his attention on me.
He rubbed his chin. “Perhaps he and the council are right. They say we have far more money than soldiers, and I would rather sacrifice gold than lives. Our people deserve our protection, and paying for it is not such a terrible thing. These Porcugi, they don’t even ask for gold?—just the spices we grow. What better use for them than to create a partnership that protects our people?”
Aru’s eyes, which had once seemed wondrous and stormy, looked vapid and watery as he gazed at me.
“How can we say we’re protecting our people when the Porcugi could turn around at any minute and renew their attacks, even if we pay?” I tried to find the words to make him understand. “The Porcugi don’t ask; they demand. This is not a partnership, my raja. It is subjugation.”
“Don’t forget that they promised to protect us at sea if we pay,” he said with a frown. “It’s a trade, in a way.”
“Protect us from their own attacks,” I countered. But Aru was unmoved. I wondered how often he’d had similar conversations with Vishwajeet while I was locked in my quarters and dealing with the side effects of carrying our child. I needed to try a different approach, so I touched my stomach. “And don’t forget the message from the Spirits.”
Aru put his hand over mine. “Messages from the Spirits can take many meanings. At least that’s what Vishwajeet says. Maybe we misunderstood their message. Maybe we needed to give them the spices in the cradle to make room for our child.”
I locked my lips together to avoid cursing the man’s name.
Aru nodded to himself and continued. “Yes, I’m almost certain that’s what it meant, now that I think of it. We were destined to work with the Porcugi so we could give our son a stronger kingdom. We just didn’t understand what the Spirits were trying to tell us.”
In that moment, I saw Aru for what he truly was: A man with all heart and no spine. I stared at him, wanting to see the shine I’d seen before, but I couldn’t. This man was filled with light because he’d never forced himself to confront the darkness. And as much as I wished I could, as much as I wanted to find a safe harbor in his arms, I could never love such a man. I could never trust a ship that left itself to the whims of the wind instead of using its rudder. It was up to me to steer my life?—our lives?—again.
So I set to it. Quickly.
“Let’s not jump to any decisions without thinking carefully first.” I racked my brain for a reason that Aru might be wrong, without success. “I’ll consider your words, and you do the same for mine. Tomorrow we can decide, and then we can take our decision to your advisers before the emissary arrives.”
By tomorrow, I could come up with some reason for his interpretation to fall short. By tomorrow, I’d have figured out a way to convince him that paying the tithes would be a disaster.
To my relief, Aru nodded. “Tomorrow. We will discuss everything when we take lunch together.”
Vishwajeet approached us as the messenger scurried away from the council. “The Porcugi have been driven out, but we’ve lost many soldiers, and scores more are wounded. The injured are being stabilized and will then be brought here. We should prepare the infirmary.”
One of the soldiers by the door saluted to Vishwajeet and went into the infirmary, not even waiting for a command from Aru. The other soldier didn’t move except to glare at me with unabashed fury?—as if I were responsible for the Porcugi’s mercilessness and had caused all this myself. He probably believed I had, since I was the one who insisted we stop paying the tithes.
Many of Aru’s advisers were giving me the same look. I wanted to shake some sense into them or rush into the infirmary and slather on the turmeric myself to show them that it worked, but I knew that trying either would only support all of Vishwajeet’s insinuations about my weakened, unstable pregnant state.
And then Aru would take me even less seriously tomorrow.
So I bowed to the raja and excused myself, signaling for Nallini to accompany me. We walked back to my chambers in silence, and I tried not to dwell on the soldiers we wouldn’t be allowed to save. I refused to think about how many more families would be wearing white tomorrow.
