Very gently, he lays Medea down on the Golden Fleece and makes her his wife.
Medea
Jason fell asleep immediately after, but I lay awake and stroked his hair, preoccupied with my thoughts.
Do you think,I wanted to ask him,that we will ever become more than the sum of our obligations? That we will eventually love each other, as some husbands and wives do?
I hadn’t chosen this, at least not freely, but I was here all the same and must make the best of the situation. My melancholy surprised me. Wasn’t this what I always wanted, a husband and family? Yet I was haunted by what might have been—by the idea of a life with Atalanta, a path carved for ourselves in the distant forests.
Once, I’d sworn to myself that there was nothing I would not sacrifice for unconditional love, no part of myself I would not be willing to lose. But now I could not help wondering about the possibilities foreclosed by this decision. Nor could I put from my mind the brief flash of movement I had seen on the edges of the wedding procession: a thick mane of tawny hair, a face turning away. And a pair of gray eyes filled with tears.
48
Atalanta
I had my answer, it seemed.
Turning away from the torches and the sound of wedding songs, I stalked through the night forests like a thunderstorm, higher and higher into the mountains of Phaeacia. Each step reignited the pain of my injuries from Talos, but I did not care. I wanted to get as far away as possible from the torches and music, from the cave and all that was happening within it.
My shadow blended into the night; wolves and great cats fled from it. They were wise. If any tried me, I would have killed them with my bare hands.
Heartbreak was familiar territory by now, as well known as the slopes of the mountain where I’d grown up. Here was the hollowed-out log my heart had become, here the cliff leading away into darkness. But no matter how familiar, it never stopped hurting.
Branches whipped my skin as I ran, raising welts across my arms and legs. Hot drops of blood burned my skin, or perhaps they were tears.
My losses circled me like vultures. Procris, Meleager, now Medea. The pain was only complicated by the fact that the last yet lived. And that of all people it wasJasonshe had chosen over me. That spineless, craven...
I was aware, dimly, that Medea’s choice had not been madefreely. She had taken the safest refuge she could find. But it stung to know that the one thing that would save her was the one thing I could not give. It traced the scar of Procris, murdered by her husband after leaving me.
Moreover, Medea had lied. I’d always known she was a liar, and a good one, but I never thought she would lie tome.
I will consider it,she said. She never really had.
Medea betrayed me, but I betrayed myself as well. Because when dawn came, reaching her rosy fingers over the horizon, I saw where my feet had led me. Not into the hills, but back to the golden hull of theArgo.
49
Medea
After theArgodeparted Phaeacia, I went to find Atalanta.
She was neither at the oars nor in the private nook belowdecks where she’d taken refuge before. Instead, I discovered her in the place we used to curl up together to sleep, near the folded sails. She sat hunched like an angry cat and glared balefully when I appeared.
Fighting the urge to flee her obvious bad temper, I knelt. “We will be in Iolcus soon,” I remarked. “Tiphys says we will make landfall in a few hours. Our journey is almost over.”
Atalanta gave no sign of hearing me, looking off into the distance as if I did not exist.
I forced myself to continue. It was the only way to show Atalanta that she wasn’t lost to me, to smooth over the obvious awkwardness between us. “I hope you’ll still write letters like we promised. And you can come visit me in Iolcus anytime you like. Jason won’t mind, I’m sure.”
At the mention of Jason, Atalanta’s expression curdled. “I will never set foot in Jason’s house,” she growled, her gray eyes the color of a knife’s edge. “You’ve tied yourself to a millstone, and I will not be dragged down with you.”
She stood up and stormed away. I sat on the deck, disconsolate.Fine then,I wanted to shout after her.Do I mean so little to you thatyou would cast me away like this? I might be Jason’s wife, but I am still your friend.
Dark storm clouds loomed on the horizon, a sharp contrast with the bright sunlight that bathed the ship. I was finally safe, with a husband and a bright future ahead of me.
But what did any of that matter, when I’d lost the person I cared for most?
We were within sight of Iolcus when the storm rolled in.
