And so it was settled. Dash went through her dresser, deciding what to pack, but everything felt different now. The exhilaration she’d felt, knowing she was heading overseas to fly, was weighted by regrets and grief. And doubt. What should she pack? No one knew how long the war would last, and Dash had no idea what the weather was like in England. Dot would have known. She would have planned out exactly what should be folded and how.
How could you do this to me, Dot?
She was placing a sweater in her suitcase when she bumped something small and hard in the back corner. Her fingers closed around her father’s old, dented compass, and she sat back on her bed, holding the treasure and pointing the magnetic needle due north out of habit. She remembered the old scavenger hunts her father had created for them, teaching her to use the compass, and she remembered how the glass had shone when she’d placed it on the Hurricane’s dash. She’d always wanted him to fly with her, so by bringing it, he had in a way, she thought fondly. The brass case was tarnished, and she noticed a tiny crack in the glass. Had that happened on that awful day when he’d saved so many lives and nearly lost his? Her thumb skimmed over the tiny fissure, and she wondered how many times he had done the same.
“All right, Dad,” she whispered. She kissed the little glass circle before tucking it safely back into her suitcase. The compass would be with her on every flight she took from now on.
A couple of days after that, Uncle Bob drove Dash, her mother, and Aunt Lou to Union Station. He was weary, she could see, but he was also practically jumping out of his skin with excitement for her.
“You’ll have to tell me all about your flights,” he kept saying. “Where you’re flying, what you’re flying, I want to hear it all.”
When they reached the station, he went with her to the ticket booth, and she reached into her purse.
“One to Halifax, please.”
Before she could fish out her wallet, her uncle placed an envelope of cash on the counter. “It’s from me and your dad. I’d give anything for him to be here to give it to you himself.” He exhaled. “We are all so proud of you, Dash. Where you’re headed, it’s where you’re meant to be.”
She stared at the envelope, overwhelmed once again, then she reached for her uncle before she could give in to tears. “Thank you, Uncle Bob. I wish he was here, too, but I’m so glad you are.”
At last it was time to board, so she hugged everyone again.
Her mother held on to her a little longer, and Dash never wanted to let go. “Mom,” she whispered into her ear.
“This is the right thing for you,” her mother said back. Dash sensed the sob she held in her throat, the one battling to escape. “Your father knew you would do something truly amazing with your life, and here you are.” She pulled back to look in her daughter’s eyes. “I love you so, so much. I am so proud. There’s just one thing I need to ask of you now.”
Dash waited, her tears flowing freely now.
Her mother’s hands tightened around Dash’s arms. “I need you to promise me that you’ll be safe out there. I know you’ll have a wonderful time in those planes you love, but please, please promise me you’llbe smart. Be safe. I need you to come home in one piece when this is all over.”
“I promise, Mom.”
After a final hug that terrified Dash to her core, she stepped away from her family and looked up at the big black beast in front of her: Locomotive No. 6213, one of the newest trains in the world. Just the first of so many adventures, she thought, her heart thrumming in consort with the train’s idling engine.
She climbed the stairs and searched for a seat, still feeling miserable. How she wanted to celebrate this moment. She should be jumping up and down, grinning and calling for champagne. But after all that had happened, everything felt anticlimactic.
It wasn’t until she’d settled by the window, her bag stowed on the rack over her head, that she felt herself awaken to what was really happening. It began slowly, like the first turns of an airplane’s propeller. Like the wheels of the train as it left the station. Slowly, tentatively, building the strength needed to steam ahead. Or the power to roar into the sky.
Soon the train was well on its way, and there was nothing Dash could do but sit back and watch the passing view. Why wasn’t she bubbling over with anticipation?
Guilt, she supposed. Grief, regret, anger, all of it.
Live your life to the fullest,her father had whispered.
Live your own life, her mother had urged.
But this feeling was like an anchor, wrapped around her throat and dragging her under. She closed her eyes and pictured her parents, knowing they were right. It was time to move forward, and no one could do that for her. With every bump she let the tension ease a little more. Miles on, she spotted a gull out the window, swooping from side to side like an airplane. Likeherairplane.I’m going to fly, she reminded herself.I’m going to fly, Dad.
Dash believed in heaven. She couldn’t fathom a life simply endingand having nowhere to go, but she wasn’t convinced that a universe of angels existed beyond the clouds. She’d been up there, and other than pure, open freedom, nothing suggested the idea was more than symbolic. Still, it didn’t hurt, she reasoned, to hold out hope. If her father was up there somewhere, and she happened to be flying nearby one day, she would be watching.
thirty-nineDOT— July 1943 —Camp X
Gus would be halfway across the Atlantic by now. Dot stared into her cup of tea, miserable. Was he asleep? Was he thinking of her? Was he furious? He had every right to be.
She hadn’t slept at all. After leaving her parents’ house, they had driven back to Whitby in silence. Somehow they’d escaped their childhood neighbourhood without incident, though she noted Gus constantly scouting their surroundings. He also glanced to the side occasionally, checking on her, but Dot burned with embarrassment the whole way. She’d kissed Gus. Instead of giving him a sweet, chaste thank-you kiss, she had flung open the door to the desire she’d felt for so long, and she’d rushed through it.
Dot was a horrible person. First Dash would hate her for abandoning their family in their hour of need. Then she would discover that Dot had stolen Gus from her. Who had she become?
Before they got to the camp, Gus pulled over and turned off the engine.
