He handed her a handkerchief from his pocket. “Try again. Slowly, Dot.”
Instead, she gave him the telegram, and shock darkened his features, followed by understanding. “You can’t go,” he said softly.
“How am I supposed to tell them?” she cried. “They’ll never believe me.”
“They’ll have to. You don’t have a choice, unless you want to go to jail, or worse.”
Oh, the pain in her heart! “You have to go, Gus. Tell them something. You’ll think of something.”
He shook his head. “I can’t go, either.”
“Even if it’s for a day, just to give Mom a hug. A couple of hours.”
“No, really. I can’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because I work here, too.”
For the third night in a row, Dot lay awake in her bed, hours after her shift ended, staring at the ceiling. She felt as if she hadn’t slept at all. Or maybe she did. Perhaps she slept and dreamed of waking. She couldn’t be sure. All she knew was her father was dying, and she had let her family down. And the reason why she couldn’t be with them was a secret she must keep for forty years.
Thank goodness Gus had been there. What an impossible coincidence that had been! To see him at that moment, she had felt like a drowning woman being thrown a life preserver. She couldn’t imagine having gone through the initial shock alone, and from the look on his face, she knew he felt the same. Her family was his family, after all. But she hadn’t seen him since then, and she was on her own again.
On the first night, they had stayed up late, their conversation flowing from her father to memories from their childhood. Her father had always been in the background, quietly observing, or else he was teaching them: physics, mathematics, science. She saw his expression fall when they spoke of Dash, and how she might be feeling right now, wondering where they were. She knew it must hurt him terribly not to be there with her. He had always been closer to Dash than herself. They had more in common. But now, incredibly, he was here, far from Dash. It was selfish, she knew, but Dot was privately pleased to have him to herself for a change.
Since they were both stationed at Camp X, they were able to share the basics of their jobs with each other, just not specifics. After he’d voicedtheir shared amazement that they both had ended up there, he admitted he wasn’t surprised to hear she was working with Hydra. He told her he was an operative, often working in Europe, tasked with sabotaging the enemy as well as recruiting and training agents to join the French Resistance. When he said that he spent more time over there than he did at Camp X, she tried not to show her disappointment.
From an early age, Dot had been captivated by Gus. As a boy in her house, he’d been a novelty, and the fact that he could not only keep up to but exceed Dash in her fearlessness had enthralled her. The two of them were strong and energetic, teasing and laughing, competing all the time. But as connected as they were, they always included Dot by checking that she felt content and included. And she had, until she turned fourteen. Then something changed. Dash kept on playing rough games with Gus and the other boys at school, but a strange new jealousy had begun to burn Dot’s chest.
It wasn’t about Dash’s confidence. Dot admired that. It wasn’t that she got to play with the boys and Dot chose not to. It was the sight of Gus’s hand resting casually on her sister’s shoulder that pinched Dot into awareness. The way Dash jumped into his arms for a hug after she hit a home run. Dot craved that closeness. She wanted Gus to look at her that way, with those pale blue eyes and that warm smile. She wanted to be the one to make him laugh.
After the shock of the telegram, as they spoke for hours in her tiny bedroom, her gaze had taken in the light stubble on his cheeks. Uninterrupted, and in such a vulnerable space, she’d noticed the movement of his throat, even the softness of his lips. When he couldn’t possibly detect her interest, she studied the line of his shoulders beneath his loose white shirt. She was here with him, alone. All this was new, and she was so ashamed.
After he left for his own room, Dot sat a while, staring at her stationery. She had meant to write a letter to Dash and her mother, but after everything, her mind was blank. She would write in the morning. She would labour over every line, but in the end it wouldn’t matter. They would only see the one that said she was not coming home.
She didn’t know where Gus had been for the past forty-eight hours,and a part of her felt plagued with guilt. He’d been there for her, and she had needed him. But another—very secret—part of her hadwantedhim. His absence suggested that he had probably noticed.
There was nothing she could do about any of it. Tomorrow was another day. No one, including Gerald, would accept her putting in less effort than she always did. She closed her eyes, exhausted. She should at least try to sleep.
She was startled by a faint knock on her door. No one should be walking around the building this late. “Who is it?”
There was no answer save another tentative knock. She reached for her robe, wrapping it around herself. “Who’s there?”
“Open up, Dot,” Gus whispered.
She pulled the door open and yanked him inside, out of sight. “What on earth are you doing here?”
“Let’s go see your dad.”
“What?! Are you crazy?”
“Yeah. Put on something warm. And dark.”
“Right now?”
“It has to be tonight. I leave for Europe in the morning.”
She stared at him, confused. “But how—”
