Except, in a way, she realized, she did. And she was ashamed to admit that, even to herself. In Europe, she’d been useful. She’d spent every day surrounded by people who needed her. Now that she was safe at home, she’d tried to find that feeling again, but she just couldn’t. Despite all the love she received from Maman and Guillaume, she felt very much alone.
She didn’t tell Marie or anyone else about that, though she was certain her mother sensed her gloom. To ease her mind, Adele had started writing in her war diary again, sometimes working deep into the night to get it all out. Afterward, she felt a brief sense of relief, and it seemed to hold back the nightmares for a little while at least.
The other letter was from Hazel, and a feeling of longing had swept over Adele, seeing her friend’s exacting handwriting. Hazel and Lillian were the only people in her life who understood what Adele had been through, and she wished they were closer. Lillian had written to her last month, saying she was back to work in a hospital. Then she’d dropped the exciting hint that she might have to quit soon because she had a new beau who she thought “might be the one.” Sometimes they let their feelings out a little more, even speaking about Minnie.What do you think she would be doing today?Adele had asked, and Lillian had written back,Still beating us at cards!
Unlike Lillian, Hazel had put away her nursing gown for good. “No more blood and guts for me,” she had told them on the voyage home. “I’ve had enough of that for two lifetimes.”
At the time, Adele had agreed with Hazel, but lately, she wondered if she had made the right decision.
Her cider now cooled, she took a tentative sip, then another, savouring the tangy sweetness.
“Miss Savard?”
She turned and saw the kindly face of Dr. Knowles. “Good afternoon, Doctor. Lovely to see you.”
He was a sweet, patient man with jolly white tufts of hair over his ears and under his nose, and he had been her doctor her entire life. Adele was sorry to see that he appeared both smaller and older than when she’d last seen him. But behind his smudged spectacles, his eyes sparkled just as brightly as she remembered.
“I understand you’re newly returned from overseas,” he said.
“I have been back for a year. It’s good to be home.”
“I can imagine. You must have seen a great many things over there.”
Her smile felt strained. “I did, sir. A great many.”
“Your mother has told me of your correspondence, and I must say, you have more courage in one of your little fingers than I do in my entire self.”
It felt strange, hearing how people regarded her now. She was no longer just Adele, the inquisitive little girl from Petite Côte, but some kind of hero, though that felt far from true. She had done well over there, and saved a lot of lives; however, it was impossible not to remember all those she’d failed to help. The papers estimated the war had caused over forty million casualties, and half of those were deaths. Canada alone had lost over sixty thousand men, and thousands more would spend the rest of their lives suffering injuries both physical and emotional. Adele could still see some of those faces so clearly, watching her work, listening to her talk, trusting her to send them home in one piece. She’d let so many of them down.
“I don’t know about that,” she said, offering her standard response, “but thank you. It was an honour to be there. It was the least I could do.”
“How is it being back?”
“Oh, fine,” she said, because she couldn’t bring herself to admit the truth. She took another careful sip. “The food is much better.”
Dr. Knowles tilted his head in sympathy as if he saw through her bravado, and she dropped her eyes to the floor.
“It’s an adjustment,” she admitted quietly. “I’m getting used to it.”
“Here we are,” Mr. Butler said, appearing with Adele’s groceries in two paper bags. “That will be seven dollars and eighty-two cents. Cider’s on me. Consider it a thank-you for your service overseas.”
“Thank you, Mr. Butler,” she replied, counting out the coins. “It was nice seeing you, Dr. Knowles.”
“You as well,” he said with a nod. He went to open the door for her, then stopped. “You know, Miss Savard, my office is much busier these days. I could use an experienced nurse if you’re interested in a position.”
Her heart leapt at the words, and she almost dropped the groceries.
“It’s not as exciting as the Front,” he continued, “though recently I am seeing a noticeable increase in gunshot wounds. Stabbing victims as well. All of which would be familiar to you. Of course, there are the standard infections, inebriation, illnesses, and all, but I imagine you would be more than qualified to handle any and all of those things.”
Adele hesitated only a moment, imagining what Hazel might say, then she smiled, a sense of purpose, of readiness, bubbling through her for the first time in a long time.
“Thank you, Dr. Knowles. I would truly appreciate the opportunity,” she said. “When would you like me to start?”
elevenJERRY
— December 1920 —
Jerry leaned over the old Chevy’s gas tank, watching closely as the big Frenchman pointed out what he claimed was his most brilliant innovation. Having followed the mechanic around for the past ten minutes, learning things about vehicles that he’d never known, Jerry easily understood why John had dragged him downtown to the man’s garage.
