A rattling sound erupted from the kitchen, followed closely by Doug. “Enjoy,” he said, setting down the scones. A sweet, gingerbready aroma wafted from the plate. Terry’s eyes closed in bliss.
When he’d shuffled back into the kitchen, Lydia looked expectantly at Arden. “Spill.”
“As I’m sure you’ve all noticed,” Arden began, chasing her mouthful of scone with a sip of juice, “the semester is flying by. Halloween is almost here, and then bam! Everything happens. Papers! Exams! Holiday shopping! Special events!” She brushed her hands off before pulling out her phone. “We’ve made a lot of great progress, don’t get me wrong.” Her index finger made a blur of the Scoundrel Survival Guide, scrolling past artsy photographs overlaid with dire warnings about male perfidy.
“The Messed-Up Ex. Drowning Guy. Closet Misogynist. Becky the Back-Stabber,” Lydia recited, counting them off on her fingers. “And Greedy Guts, who only wanted the big payout, except not in money.”
“FromWashington Square,” I reminded her. “Where he dumps the heroine when he can’t get her inheritance.” In our real-life version, the currency in question had been a lot more carnal, to put it delicately. It was almost a direct reversal of the old rules of conduct, under which a woman had to remain virginal or risk being cast out of society. Nowadays young women were apparently supposed to count being a sexual dynamo among their accomplishments—a far riskier avocation than embroidery or playing the harp.
From damned if you do to damned if you don’t: the story of women’s lives.
Lydia nodded. “And the OG, Alex Ritter.”
“Vronsky, you mean.” It seemed important to make that distinction.
“There’s the one who drinks arsenic,” Terry added. Before I could point out that it wasn’t that part of the story that applied to our list, Arden jumped in.
“Makenna Brown, also known as the Worst.” She tapped her bottom lip. “What was her book name?”
“Madame Bovary. A person who messes up people’s lives for entertainment.”
“You said she had a condition?” Terry looked questioningly at me.
“Ennui. It’s like boredom, except you think it makes you interesting.”
“And let’s not forget Sissy Whatever,” Lydia said. “The snobby one.”
“Cecil Vyse. FromA Room with a View.” That was how we’d categorized Will the Exchange Student: as the full-of-himself fiancé who has no interest in actually knowing a person as long as she makes an attractive accessory.
“It’s a good list.” Arden smiled, but we all heard the note of doubt.
“But what?” Lydia prompted.
Arden took a bite of scone, chewing thoughtfully. “As much as I love what we’ve done so far, I don’t think we can keep going like this.”
I felt a chill of dread. Were they sick of hearing about books?
She flipped her phone over. “What if we’re looking at it from the wrong angle?”
Terry covered her full mouth with one hand. “Like when someone with a fresh pair of eyes comes into the incident room, and they spot connections that break the investigation wide open.”
“Mmm,” said Arden. “Like that, but less murdery. I’m saying maybe we should try thinking positive for a change.”
“Is this where you make us say our affirmations?” Lydia mimed stabbing herself in the eye.
Arden shook her head. “I’msayingit’s time to be proactive. Instead of ruling people out one by one, we could actively search for someonegood.Like, who are the best guys you’ve ever read about, Mary?”
Caught off guard, my mind jumped to the book I’d been reading the night before. “Well, there was a guy who only stole the cursed jewel his betrothed had been given for her birthday because he was under hypnosis. Otherwise he was pretty upstanding.Waybetter than the rival for her affections, because the embezzling cousin really was after her money.”
Lydia held up a hand. “His cousin or hers?”
“Hers.”
She turned to Arden. “So we should be looking for someone who isn’t a blood relative? ‘No incest’ seems like kind of a low bar.”
“I’m sure Mary has lots of other examples.” Arden smiled encouragingly at me. “Maybe someone in real life, like from her classes, who seems like hero material?”
“Um,” I began. Had they forgotten I was the one who’d found Mall Guy intriguing?
