“Hmmm.” It might have been a bit easier to think without the gentle expand-contract of Mila’s diaphragm threatening to rock her back to sleep. But she would just have to power through it. “Good, on one hand. On the other hand…weird. Good-weird.”
Mila grinned, and Lucy felt it. Not through the movements of her body—she felt it cut the air. “You look like I felt after my first Seder with real wine.”
“Yeah,” Lucy said, with another heavy blink. Her mind was slowly starting to come back online. Online enough, at least, to notice the massive bruise she’d left on Mila’s neck. “Oops,” she said softly.
“Yeah,oopsis right,” Mila said with a smile. “You mauled me, you maniac.”
“Sorry,” Lucy said. Though she wasn’t feeling particularly repentant. “Are you okay?”
“A little tired. But otherwise, pretty human,” Mila said. “We’ll see for sure when the sun comes up. But I think as you are, you’re probably not capable of turning me into anything.”
“Well, don’t say it like that,” Lucy mumbled. “That just makes me sound inept.”
“You’d be a very fearsome and dangerous vampire.” The hair-stroking resumed. “But you’re not there yet.” Mila’s hand kept moving as she asked, “So. How much did you hear?”
Lucy winced, though any guilt she felt didn’t prevent her from continuing to angle her head into Mila’s hand. “I was trying to be quiet.”
“You were. But I still knew you were listening,” Mila said. “Don’t worry. It wasn’t a secret or anything. If I really didn’t want you to hear it, I could have gotten up.”
“But you told her,” Lucy said. “What I did.”
“Hey. Whatwedid,” Mila said. “I told her it was my idea, too. She knows me too well to doubt that.”
Mila had stopped stroking her hair and started gently scratching at the crown of Lucy’s head. Lucy’s thoughts had finally started to come back together, but she figured she could enjoy this for a bit longer. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I made things more complicated between you.”
“Unfortunately, complicated was inevitable,” Mila said. “We spent so much time waiting before you came. Researching, keeping an eye on the students, waiting to act. But I think we both knew from the start that once the time came, we weren’t going to be in total lockstep on everything. We were just able to ignore it until now.”
“Mm.” Lucy rolled over so that she could look at Mila fully. Poor Mila. Even now, doing what she fully believed was right, she wouldn’t let herself off the hook. “You don’t have to keep apologizing, you know.”
Mila’s hand stilled. “For what?”
“For not being the person you think people want,” Lucy said. “You didn’t betray Athena by not agreeing with her on everything. And you didn’t betray Jon by not loving him as much as he loved you. Just because something hurts someone doesn’t mean it was wrong for you to feel in the first place.”
Mila stared down at her with a look on her face that Lucy had never seen before. And in that moment, Lucy finally climbed far enough out of her haze to feel proper panic.
“Oh my God,” Lucy said. “Please ignore me. That was overstepping, right? I think the starvation killed off a few brain cells responsible for common sense. Also, I might still just be high as sin. I’m so sorry.”
Mila blinked. And when she spoke, she didn’tsoundmad. “High as sin?” she said. “All right, Miss Southern Belle.”
“Jacksonville is the South. Culturally Georgia, basically.” Lucy eased herself to a sitting position. Mila rose up to do the same. “It’s a Jillianism, actually. My mother.”
“Right, Jillian. We spoke on the phone.” Mila extended an arm, inviting Lucy to slide in. Which, of course, she did. “Have you called her back, by the way?”
Lucy winced into Mila’s shoulder. “Touché,” she said. “Serves me right for prying.”
“It wasn’t meant to be a touché,” Mila said. “I just mean…we could have a busy few days ahead. If you want to call her back, you should call her back.”
Lucy rested her cheek against Mila’s shoulder. A “busy” couple of days. She was fairly sure that Mila was trying to tell her she should say what she wanted to say now, while she still could. Though she still didn’t know what she’d say.You were right?No matter how much they’d fought, she was pretty sure her mother would not be happy to be vindicated on that particular point.
She felt a pang in her chest, thinking about that half conversation in the Quincey lobby.Oh, Mom, she thought.I just wanted some time. I didn’t want that to be the last conversation we ever had.
Mila squeezed her arm and didn’t pry. God. She really, really liked Mila. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”
“I’m pretty awake,” Lucy said. “I feel…good, actually. I hope that’s not a bad sign.”
“I think it’s the opposite, actually,” Mila said. At Lucy’s questioning sound, she added, “I just keep thinking. If Vanya is keeping Sadie and Addison hungry, then that must give him an advantage somehow. Maybe keeping you fed will make you less vulnerable to him.”
Lucy straightened. “Less vulnerable how?”
