“Yes.”
“It was no accident.”The relief that came with being able to finally tell her was strong.“They were murdered, and we are searching for the murderer.In fact, we believe it was a conspiracy, so we are doing it secretly, because we believe that the only threat will come if it’s known we suspect the truth.”
“I… I know.”
Matthew blinked, shifting slightly, but it was far too dark to see her face.Which had made his confession much easier, but now he wished he could see her expression.
“You do?How— Oh.”He shook his head, relaxing back against the pillow as the realization struck him.“The other duchesses.”
“Yes.”She let out a soft exhale that stirred the hair across his chest.“The other duchesses told me.The day after our wedding.”
“Oh.Well.Good.”He chuckled, feeling much lighter now.“That’s a relief.”
“They are very put out that they are not able to engage in the search as much as you gentlemen are.”
“Ah, well.I am not sure what good they could do right now.The investigation has reached a standstill.”He explained to her about Gregory’s old steward, the threatening letters Nathanial’s father had received, and why he, Christian, and Drake had been in the brothel the fateful evening of her auction.Then he told her about questioning Cornwall and his frustration at the current direction of the investigation.Did it really matter who had suggested Cornwall invite Hereford to the lodge?
To his surprise, he felt his wife growing tenser and tenser against his side as he spoke.He rubbed his hand along her upper arm, trying to reassure her.
“There’s no need to worry, kitten.No one outside of our group knows we suspect our fathers were murdered, much less that we’re investigating.There should be no danger.”
“It is not that.”She turned her face into his shoulder, and Matthew felt a spark of alarm at the wetness he felt against his skin.Was she crying?
Turning to her, he released her hand so he could wrap both arms around her, holding her tightly against him.Felt her burrow into him.Felt her start to shake as she began to cry.
“Kitten,” he said gently, stroking his hand over her head and down the long length of her hair, “what’s wrong?”
“I… I…”
“Tell me.”
“I cannot.”She shook her head, but he could feel the tension in her body, the conflict within her.She wanted to tell him.She felt she could not.
Matthew kept stroking her, petting her.If he’d had his coin, he would have offered it to her.But he only had himself.
“You can,” he said softly.“Whatever it is, it cannot be all that bad.”
“It is, though, it is.”
Johanna
Her husband’s gentle reassurance was going to be her undoing.She felt so safe in his arms, so protected, as though nothing could go wrong.The urge to tell him was growing stronger within her.Keeping this secret was tearing her apart, yet the unknown of what would happen once she told him was even more terrifying.
He did not have his coin, though.However he reacted, whatever he did, her mother’s fate would not hang on the random flip of luck.
“I promise, whatever it is, you can tell me.”His voice was so gentle, so sincere.So coaxing.
Her stomach fluttered, her heart aching within her chest, a physical pulsing ache that made it hard to breathe.
“I…”
She wanted to.
She so badly wanted to.The dark room around them, the cozy snugness of her bed, made it feel like maybe she could tell him.As though if she said it here and now, in the privacy of her room, in the dark, it would still be a secret.Yet she knew that was not true.
“What can I say to make you believe me?”His fingers slid through her hair, the strands slightly tugging on her scalp in a way that was almost hypnotic.
Everything about him, his words, his touch, made her feel safe.Made her want to trust him.Made her want to tell him.What could he say to make her believe she could tell him?What would she need to feel safe to confess?
