There was a knock on her door, and it opened immediately following, making Johanna stiffen.
“Johanna?Kitten?”
Oh no.
It was her husband.
Johanna held perfectly still and closed her eyes, not responding because she did not know what to say.She wanted so badly to be his kitten, his good girl, but how could she be when she was withholding information from him?Incredibly important information?
But how was she supposed to choose between her mother and her husband?
She could hear him coming closer to the bed.Felt his hand on her arm.Could not help the sniffle that came up, which ruined the illusion of sleep.Still, she kept her face averted.
“Poor kitten, does your head hurt so badly then?”He rubbed his hand over her arm, then up to the back of her neck.His touch was gentle, soothing, and even though she did not deserve it, she could not help but sink into it.
Closing her eyes, she let her mind empty as his hand moved up her neck to the base of her skull, pressing his fingers into the space between them.It felt better than it should, which made her feel all the more guilty.
“You have not eaten.”There was a hint of scolding in his voice.“You will feel better if you eat something.Roll over.”
The order was clear, and Johanna found herself rolling over.The sympathy on her husband’s face was nearly enough to make her start crying again.He looked so serious, so concerned.
Lifting his hand to her cheek, he swiped away at the tiny bit of moisture beneath her eyes.Johanna knew she must look terrible, yet if he thought so, it did not show in his expression.
“Something to drink first,” he said.
She found herself being propped up on several pillows behind her back, then Matthew held her glass to her lips.When she lifted her hands to take it, he frowned and shook his head.Somewhat exasperated, but also not wanting to antagonize him, she let her hands drop into her lap while she drank.
Then he took the plate from her tray and fed her supper, one bite at a time.
She did feel better, even though she did not want to.Did not deserve to.Johanna frowned at him.
“I can hold my own fork,” she mumbled between bites.
“But you do not have to because I am here to do it for you.”He raised his eyebrow at her.“Now, be my good girl and take another bite.”
Johanna did as he said, though her chest felt like it was breaking apart at the idea that, once he knew the truth, he would never call her his good girl again.
ChapterThirty
Matthew
Curled up around his wife, in her bed, listening to her breathe, Matthew wondered if this was what love felt like.
He pondered what Gregory and Nathanial had said.
Last night, he had enjoyed taking care of Johanna.He had wanted her happiness and to take away all her pain and discomfort.
Going by their actions, he could see some similarities.They doted on their wives, the same way Matthew did on Johanna.They wanted to take care of them, to make them smile, to ease their burdens.That was how Matthew felt about his wife as well.But he’d felt that from the moment he saw her on stage at the auction.He certainly could not have been in love with her then; he’d had no thought but to rescue her.
That had been the right thing to do, though.Not an indicator of love.He would have rescued any young woman he’d seen in such dire straits.
On the other hand, would he have thought tomarryany young woman?
He ran his fingers through his wife’s silken hair, gently stroking the strands as he pondered the situation.
Then, he’d flipped his coin, deciding whether to bid on her or not; he had not asked the coin whether or not to bid on her but whether or not he should marry her.Granted, he had been searching for a wife at the time.But had such a thought come into his mind because he already loved her?
Unlikely.
