Johanna realized with a start that her maid had finished the usual procedure of getting her to bed.She was more tired than she’d realized.
“No, thank you, Nettie.I will ring for you in the morning.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
As Nettie left the room, Johanna flipped the silver circle over and over again, examining both sides closely.She could not tell the difference between the sides.
Is it possible…
The door between her and Matthew’s room opened, making her start as he came into the room, grinning.He was wearing his dressing gown, which gaped open at the chest as it had been tied too loosely, revealing that he was wearing nothing underneath it.
“You were taking too long,” he said with a wink, coming toward her.
“Charlotte was waiting for me,” she replied, holding out her hand with the circle of silver flat on her fingers.“She gave me this.”
It only took him a moment to glimpse the circle, then he let out a cry of joy as he rushed the last few steps to meet her, taking hold of her hand with one of his and picking up the silver from her palm.
“My coin!”
Johanna stared at him in disbelief.
ChapterForty-Five
Matthew
The rush of relief Matthew felt as his fingers closed around his coin was full of joy, but it did not last very long.As soon as he held it in his hand, his thoughts pushed past the initial emotion reaction as he realized he had not needed it to make his decisions.His world had not fallen apart without it.In fact, there had been a kind of freedom in doing what he wanted, even making it through some of the hardest decisions he’d ever had to make.
“Matthew.”Johanna’s voice was odd.“That is your lucky coin?”
“Yes.”He rubbed his thumb across its surface.Even though he was now uncertain as to how he truly felt about its return, he had to admit that he still liked having it in his hand.Feeling it.
“Matthew.How can you tell which side is which?”
“What do you mean?”He met his wife’s troubled violet gaze.Her peignoir was open, revealing the filmy lilac silk nightrail underneath, cream lace edging the neckline.The view was decidedly distracting, but her expression was more worried than anything else.
“Matthew.”Her voice was gentle as she reached out to cup his hand holding the coin with both of hers.“Look at the coin.Really look at it.”She pushed his hand a little higher, and Matthew looked down at it.“You have rubbed it nearly flat on both sides.How can you tell which side is which?”
“I…” He stared at the coin.Used his thumb to flip it over on his palm.The other side looked exactly the same.Just as she said.He’d noticed the sides wearing down over the years, but he’d always been able to tell which was which at a glance.
Now that he was staring straight at it, he could not decipher the difference.
Perhaps it was not the right coin?
But he knew it was.He’d recognized it the moment that she’d held it out to him.Matthew slowly used his thumb to flip it over again.
Flat.Both sides were almost completely flat with no discernible difference between them.
“I…” He could not find the words to explain how he’d always known.“I just knew, I suppose.I would just look at it, and I would know.”
How long had his coin been like this?How could he possibly have known what the decision was?Yet somehow, he always had.
Johanna still held his hand cupped in hers, her gentle touch keeping him anchored through the storm of emotions sweeping through him as the questions, the confusion, cascaded over him.
“I do not know.”He shook his head, suddenly wishing he could drop the coin, so he did not have to look at it.Did not have to think about it again.“I do not know how I knew.I…” The strangest thought occurred to him.“What if I just saw what I wanted to see?”
“Perhaps you did.”His wife smiled at him, her fingers curling around his, closing his fist around the coin.“Perhaps you were making the decisions all along without realizing it.”
“Not all along.It did not use to look like that.”Matthew shook his head.“I do not know when it might have changed.It must have done so slowly enough that I did not really notice.”
