He huffed a laugh. “The point is, I want to be with you. I haven’t exactly been shy about it, but I’ll say it plainly now. I’ll find joy, even in these infuriating trials and goddesses’games, because you’re with me. We’re fighting for our future, together.”
The cruelty of this path had never been so clear to me as it was now, hearing the strain in his voice when he spoke. I remembered the story of the firstborn. The prince who wanted to grow the kingdom, the prince who wanted to build on his forefathers’ legacy. That man was gone. His dreams had been changed by the goddess’s summons and fear of his own actions to free himself from it.
Yet, after everything, I still needed him to do the one thing he no longer wanted to. I needed him to believe we could free him from Themis’s hold. And then I wanted him to rule the kingdom once we did.
He would, and he’d find joy in it because we were together.
The flashing yellow light didn’t surprise me—the last clear gem of the throne’s adamas pieces lit with his confession.
“I’m sorry you had to carry the weight of believing in this path,” he whispered.
I placed my hand over his on the pendant. “You carried belief in our future together when I had none. We’re partners in this.”
He laughed. “My belief in our future was entirely selfish, Chaos.”
I smirked. “So is mine.”
But freeing Hart wasn’t my only problem. Ruling didn’t feel like a burden. It would be an honor. “The closer this gets to being real, the more unqualified I feel to lead. I wasn’t raised for this.”
“What qualifications does my father have? Do I have? We were born of the Glanmore line?” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Clearly, that hasn’t helped with thinking of those we’re meant to rule.”
It was a good point, but one I struggled to internalize. Iwanted to believe that maybe it hadn’t always been so bad, but I wasn’t sure that was true. Maybe someday, Hart and I could introduce a system that wasn’t so arbitrary, where a ruler had to convince the citizens that they had the necessary skills to rule a kingdom before they did so.
All that would take time, and I wanted Hart at my side to see it through.
He seemed to follow my thoughts. “Now, Chaos. As my confessions are through, let’s return to the question. What bringsyoujoy?”
I searched the surrounding valley as I considered it. Joy seemed so foreign. I’d found moments of happiness with Alaric, reading about the history of Kavios and a world beyond my own. I had desired to explore it, but as I’d seen through Hart’s history, priorities changed. Goals shifted.
I wanted to see Kavios free. I wanted to see it flourish like Ciril.
My joy would be a place of belonging with those I loved, and a way to contribute to the kingdom’s success that was wholly my own. I just … didn’t know what that was yet.
31
I have no right to ask, but forgive us all, Ember. This path wasn’t easy for anyone.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
My life had been about survival for too long. I was no closer to finding joy when we returned to camp. With the exception of finding my way to Hart, I did what was necessary for what I thought this kingdom deserved.
It sounded so … formal. So prudent. Could that be joy?
If I had to ask, I didn’t think I was on the right track.
Reid handed me a bowl of stew as we approached the roaring fire. A handful of the Storm’s residents stood around it, and a cookpot boiled over the flames. The group wore all black, better to cover their movements in the night. By the soft lightof the fire, I saw that most of those prepared had knives strapped to their ankles and waists. One even had an axe strapped to her back, and she stood with a confidence that said she could wield it.
They were dressed for battle. While that was precisely what they might be walking into, the reality of it struck me hard.
Hart helped himself to a bowl of stew, too. I took a hearty spoonful, letting the warmth of the root vegetables flood my insides after little success in Hart’s expedition.
“You two ready?” Reid asked.
Hart glanced at me, and I nodded. “We need the mine empty for ten minutes at the most.”
Reid crossed his arms over his chest, unconvinced.
“The old entrance is unguarded. It’s a benefit of having such an elderly partner in crime. We know all the old ways in.” I elbowed Hart as he came to stand beside me.
