It wouldn’t hurt our cause if Charon wanted to help, either.
And if Alysa wasn’t opposed, we might have the numbers we needed. Ember had said we had to make more progress on the trials, but we had. Alysa would need more details beforeshe agreed, but I felt good about Ember’s odds of convincing her.
If both groups participated, we could launch a multi-pronged attack on the Blessed. It would require coordination—a plan. The groups needed something to rally toward.
“Don’t risk yourself,” I said to the young thief. “Take the chance if you have it, but don’t take a shot that’s not there. Do you understand? We may have other options.”
Alek nodded. Nicholas stepped forward again. “When will we know about these other options?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. It wasn’t his fault; it was a valid question, just one I didn’t have the answer to. “When do you meet next?”
“In three days.”
“Fine. Let’s talk then.” I didn’t give them a chance to press further. I turned on my heel and left the room.
Ember and I needed to talk. We could put off lust for another day. I had no worrythatemotion could be collected between us, even if her desired location for collection left me uneasy.
As I pushed through the door into the main hall, a different emotion slithered through me, like a snake constricting my veins. Someone leaned in close to Ember. His fingers grazed her elbow, and his mouth was inches from her ear. He turned, and I caught his profile. Light brown hair set in a perfect wave across his face. His square jaw only made it look more punchable. And everything in me wanted to take a swing at him.
The idiot who’d endangered Ember’s life when he tried to deliver her to the Feared. The moron she’d risked herself to free during the Blessing Ceremony. And Ember still let him stand next to her. What was it about him?
Fucking Chaos.
It would have been too easy to hope he’d died in the aftermathof the ceremony. My hand balled into a fist at my side, and I walked through the tavern, not bothering to note those who moved around me. I came to a stop between the two of them. My gaze narrowed to focus on the way his hand cradled Ember’s covered elbow.
“Chaos, I did warn him if he touched you again, I’d kill him. Do you need me to follow through?”
24
I taught you to question. Your heart cautions you when you fear the answer.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
Serena chattered about everything that I had missed since the Blessing Ceremony. I couldn’t focus on her story because it felt like an animal burrowed into my chest as Hart leaned across the countertop to whisper something to Ava.
Ava had been nothing but kind to me. I hated the feeling that slid down my throat when I watched her with Hart. Their rapport seemed effortless. Their trust in each other absolute. With the tilt of her head, she wordlessly communicated something to him. It likely had nothing to do with me. I wasn’t that vain, but I sat a little straighter in my chairnonetheless.
Would things ever be easy between Hart and me? Every ounce of trust I put in him felt like a battle against myself. Every moment of peace between us felt hard won.
He said he was here for me. He was with me as long as I required, but when he’d been dying in the woods, he’d asked for Ava. He’d told me to leave.
I knew my mental accusation wasn’t fair. There were a hundred ways to explain everything I thought and felt, and I intentionally chose the worst one possible for myself.
None of that seemed to matter when Hart next spoke. I couldn’t deal with this right now. This … slimy feeling inside of me, it burned as much as it chilled. I’d deal with it later. I waved him off, and to my surprise—and with a slight loosening of the constricting feeling in my chest—Ava didn’t go with him.
“Are you listening to me?” Serena asked.
I shook my head.
“A little too honest, Emberline.” She laughed and turned her head to follow Hart’s movements. Nervous energy shot through me as his hand met another man’s chest by the alcoves. Hart seemed determined as he walked the man backward through the door to the gambling area.
What had I missed?
“That view has not gotten worse,” Serena said.
A surprised laugh slipped from my lips, and as my hand moved to cover my mouth, I realized it was one of the first times I’d laughed since … well, since Alaric died. My heart still twisted at the thought that he was no longer here. Tears threatened behind my eyes at the recollection, but that guilt for living, for enjoying this moment with my friend, was missing.
If anything, seeing Serena, my very human friend, reminded me howfleeting life was.
