His determination had always been a driving force. And what was this? His determination to return to me? Those piercing green eyes saw too much, I was sure, but he didn’t make me unspool the tangled threads inside.
Instead, his gaze dropped to where the adamas pendant lay beneath my blouse. “Let’s see it, Chaos.”
I couldn’t glance up at him as I pulled the pendant free and unwrapped it. The purple glow was unavoidable. He’d heard my scream. He’d heard and known my fear before I could acknowledge it for what it was. That seemed enough for the magic. I wasn’t sure at this point if it was enough for me.
My hands itched to wrap around him, to pull him down atop me and get lost in his heat and the reassurance I knew his body could provide. But there was too much left unknown between us. We’d agreed to the trials, but what next? What did he want?
He said he wants you.
My mind still said that those were just pretty words, even if my heart raced with that idea. He was the son of a king. He led the Feared. As this entire event had just shown, he was still Themis’s Champion. All of that was unavoidable.
Hart had been raised to be like Alysa and Reid, to go to lengths I couldn’t imagine for those he led. He would be a goodleader for the city if we could free him from Themis’s summons. He knew how to put people first. I wasn’t sure he followed my train of thought as I blurted my next question.
“Will you take the throne if we free you from Themis’s obligation?” He studied me, his brow raised, like he wasn’t quite sure how to answer, so I continued. “You were raised for it. The city will need stability.”
His hand ran through his hair, tugging at the roots in what might have been frustration. “We need to decide what we want to do together. I’m not making a decision without you. I agree that we’ve made progress.” He gestured to the pendant. “If we can keep this up, then unseating my father is next, but that won’t be easy. We need to know if the Storm stands with us, and we need to meet with the Feared.”
I nodded, ideas already spiraling on every thread he mentioned. If Hart and I had our own adamas, the fear we could wield would be hard to counter. It would give us the edge we needed against the Blessed. First, we needed to finish these trials, and I couldn’t help but notice that Hart had avoided my comment about freeing him from Themis.
“We need to figure this out.” I pointed at the dragon’s eye.
“Get some rest, Chaos. We’ve got more work with the other three gems before we can conquer the seventh stone.”
I clutched the adamas in my hand and mentally played through the missing pieces. We had anger, sadness, and fear. The knots in my stomach tightened as I realized what he’d said. The emotions we had to conquer left me feeling sick: envy, joy, and lust.
22
Dig deep, Ember. That's all I can ask.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
Imagining tongues and teeth and Hart’s weight hovering over me was easier than I cared to admit. We took turns taking lust from each other to help heal those injured by the mudslide. It didn’t seem to qualify as lust for our shared adamas pendant, though. By the time we waited for another trader to sneak us into the city, two days after the downpour and mudslide, I’d used memories of Hart to inspire lust a dozen times. I was frustrated and unsatisfied, with no orange flash of light in sight.
He has to know.
Of course, I understood that the key to the trials was to share the emotion with each other. It was thepart I couldn’t bring myself to do. I couldn’t bring myself to explain my every lustful thought about the man while thinking them. This curtain existed between us; I could always pretend it wasn’t him I thought of.
Avoidance was no longer an option with the weight of the adamas around my neck.
“Fucking Chaos,” I whispered as we crawled into the trader’s hidden compartment. It was unfortunately similar to the first merchant’s cart we’d used to smuggle ourselves into the city. It was almost impressive how many different traders Hart seemed to have relationships with. He knew where to wait and what their schedule would be. This had been our first opportunity to return to Kavios.
The two days had passed quickly on the mountain with the Storm. Alysa and Reid had their settlement near re-established. A few more trips up and down the mountain had brought the remaining supplies and tents. Things felt almost settled.
Time spent with my mother only strengthened my determination to move quickly. This high in the Pinnacle Mountains, youngleaf wasn’t as prevalent. The herb’s supply, while still growing, was harder to access after the mudslide. It angered me to think that much less would make its way into Kavios until the Storm could re-establish a pattern to retrieve it.
Whatever peace Hart and I found by the fire, I wasn’t sure what to do with it in the daylight. For the immediate problems before us—namely envy, joy, and lust—I knew where we had to go. Forest’s Edge was the one public place I’d let my lust for Hart show. Somehow, that seemed safer than pulling him into a tent and speaking things that shouldn’t be voiced. The alcoves for taking in Forest’s Edge were the safest way to do what needed to be done.
This new trader had much more space in his hidden storage. Hart and I could lie on our backs, side by side, in the compartment. It was a short time before we were past the guards at the Eastern Gate and unloaded as cargo at Forest’s Edge.
“I don’t remember ordering this,” Ava scoffed as we emerged.
Hart stood and straightened his clothes. “You should be so lucky.”
Something sticky flared in my chest at the teasing tone. That easy rapport was something Hart and I hadn’t yet found again. So much of the time, it felt like we walked on eggshells around each other, and I didn’t know how to change that.
Ava crossed her arms over her chest and nodded to me as I, too, exited the wagon. “We got worried when you didn’t return.”
I felt Hart’s gaze on me, and I turned to meet it. His brow furrowed, and his cheeks hollowed like he’d sucked a lemon. His attention was still locked on me when he responded to Ava. “We took a detour.”
