Now I wasn’t sure which of us was managing the other. She seemed to realize she’d hit a stone wall in discussing Hart. I wasn’t sure I preferred talking about the trials.
Scarlett had recommended that emotions would be stronger in locations that mattered to us, that held some resonance with the emotion itself. As if reading my thoughts, Mother’s voice wavered as she recited her own words from the paper in her hands. “Feel sad, feel fear, feel deepest when danger nears.”
“Mother.” I let the necklace fall back to my chest and covered her hand with my own. “Mother, it’s alright.”
When she looked at me again, her eyes were glassy, and her head shook. “It’s not alright, baby. No, it’s not fair that this is asked of you. It’s not fair that you don’t have time to figure things out. But this is the path Alaric fought for.”
My flinch was automatic. The familiar echo. The crash and snap in the throne room replayed.
I closed my eyes and breathed. This was the future he had fought for? It could also easily be said that this was the path he’d pushed me down. The path he’d led me toward without giving me the information to make my own decisions. Anger bubbled within me again, but I couldn’t hold on to it.
“I’m mad at him, too,” I whispered.
“I’m sure you are, baby. And you have every right to be.” She folded the papers and returned them to me. “But that is different, too, and you will have to confront the reason why before you can succeed.”
She spoke in riddles, but she sounded better than she ever had in the city. “This place is good for you.”
She nodded. “I think it’s good for both of us.”
At that moment, Father approached the campsite. “Emberline, you came back.”
“She won’t be here for long. Tell her you missed her.”
Father glanced at Mother, then to me, as if he wasn’t sure what Mother meant. I stood and brushed off the length of my skirt. “She’s right. Hart and I will enter the city in two days.”
“You can’t go back in there. They’re looking for you. They’ll kill you if they find you.”
Alysa had said they wanted us alive, but I wasn’t sure that made a difference. Even though I had freed the dragon who made their adamas, Hart and I were still the only ones who could determine which stone in the mines held the dragon fire that created the magic gem. The king would not be pleasant if he got his hands on me, but he needed me. I was as much a precious resource to him as the adamas itself. Either way, Father’s sentiment, that nothing good would come if I were caught, still stood.
“I have to do it. This is what you all raised me for. A chance at a different Kavios. A chance to live like this”—I gestured to the camp around us—“within the city’s walls.”
“Is it really worth your life?” Father asked.
Wasn’t that the question? I didn’t know what this would cost me, but I knew the price would be high. I dipped my chin. “I think that’s the cost of being a Champion, sacrificing the life you thought you wanted.”
As I turned to leave, I was unsurprised to see Hart leaning against one of the nearby boulders. His arms were folded over his chest, and he looked pensive. He must have heard my last comment. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him, though. I’d learned that bit about Champions from him, after all.
13
I'm sure it doesn't help, but I was more confident in his decisions than yours.
— ALARIC SARE’S PAPERS FOR EMBERLINE ARKOVA
Though waiting was torture, at least I didn’t have time to worry. Hart and I were assigned chores just like everyone else in camp. Collecting firewood allowed me to hike farther into the mountains and talk to Charon. While he knew we had to separate for me to enter the city, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it.
“Do you want to wait while we figure out the trials?” I asked before I returned to camp the following afternoon. It had been nagging at me since we’d returned to Kavios. “I didn’t intend for you to put your life on hold once we freed you.”
Charon huffed. Smoke billowed, and he droppedhis snout to the forest floor like he couldn’t be bothered to respond.“That connection you felt with me through the Oldwood. You don’t seem to realize that I felt it, too. I will help you because I want to see Rodric dethroned for what he did to me and my magic. But I will also help you because I’m withyou.”
I knew I’d need him, as Scarlett had warned. To me, that had never been in doubt. “But is this what you want to do? One thing I’ve learned in all of this is that no one likes some goddess-defined connection driving their fate.”
“We are friends, Champion.”He tilted his head in thought.“Or, at least, you are mine. I know the Cursed has made you distrustful, but please believe me when I say I’m exactly where I want to be.”
His words warmed something inside of me as much as they pierced. I had considered him my friend for so long. He was right; I’d never considered that he felt the same. My perception of everything was upside down, and I didn’t think I could lay all of that at Hart’s feet. As he had said in his anger, I needed to take responsibility for my own choices.
“Stop worrying about me, Champion. Focus on your trials. Have you picked which one you’ll attempt first?”
My sigh was heavy. We were both experts at changing the topic. I had considered the list of emotions, but each one was worse than the last. As Hart had said on the flight here, it seemed impossible. “I really don’t know.”
