“He said that I’m in recovery,” she finally says, her warm breath kissing my skin. “That I’m healing and outgrowing my defenses. He kind of implied that I spent so long making myself small that I don’t know how to be the size I actually am.”
I cup her jaw, press my thumb under her chin, and tilt her face to mine. “You’re not trying to be small when you’re alone with me, are you?”
“I try not to but—”
“Don’t,” I say, rolling her onto her back, my face hanging over hers. “Don’t make yourself smaller with me.”
Her hands come up, fingers ghosting the line of my spine. She pinches her lip, bites her cheek, then takes a big breath, meeting my eyes, insecure from head to toe.
“What if I get bigger than you expect?”
“Bigger, louder, messier...” I nose a line along hercheek. “Show me. I’ll learn you at every size.”
She smiles small, tugging me down for a kiss, always content to have me crush her into the mattress. We don’t kiss for long before she pushes me away and onto my back then curls into my side, her fingers drawing something on my ribs. A minute goes by, then another and my body’s rigid, waiting for her to pull away.
She always leaves.
She stays until she feels steady, then gathers her things and closes the door behind her. But she’s still here, her breath slowing down while my heart’s doing the exact opposite.
What has this girl done to me that I’m barely breathing in the hope she forgets she’s not supposed to fall asleep beside me. Five more minutes pass and she stops doodling across my skin, her body mellowing out.
I hate thatneedfor her that’s been whipping me into a frenzy since day one. I hate how my chest tightens at the thought of her walking out the door. I hate that I don’t know how to keep her.
I learned early not to want things...
But Millie’s warm in my arms, existing beside me like I’m safe and worthy of holding something this precious and...
I want.
After another five minutes, I look down at her, pleasant warmth blooming behind my ribs. She’s asleep, lips parted, lashes casting long shadows over her rosy cheeks.
I watch her for the longest time. I listen to her breathing, feel her heartbeat against my chest, memorize how shefits against me, and wonder what it’d take to keep her.
Her hair’s loose, and for some reason, that doesn’t feel right. Every time I saw her late at night or early in the morning, her blonde strands were braided.
On instinct, I shift to try and do just that, but stop when she presses closer, burrowing in like she’s seeking warmth. No way am I risking waking her up. I’ve waited for this too long.
Tucking her in, I press a kiss to her head and close my eyes.
I don’t know how long I sleep before a sound wakes me. Millie’s still curled into me, her thigh thrown over mine, face nuzzled between my shoulder and the pillow.
She’s warmer than before, like she’s running a fever, but before I move to check, she shifts. A moan slips from her mouth, and my name follows.
“Eli...” she whimpers.
It’s barely audible, breathless and broken, dragged from the depths of whatever she’s dreaming about. My body reacts as if struck by lightning. I’m hard before I’m fully awake, pulse thudding in my ears. I slide my hand down her back, fingers spreading over her waist and she arches into me.
“Please... Eli...”
We’re still naked, and as her hips roll, her pussy soaking my thigh. Fuck, I need to find out what I’m doing in that dream, then do it better in reality. I move to roll her onto her back but freeze when she whimpers again.
“Noah...”
My breath gets stuck halfway out of my mouth. Thetemperature drops twenty degrees. My jaw locks, a hundred thoughts slamming into me and each other all at once.
Noah. That’s what she said. I didn’t imagine it. He’s in her head, and mine betrays me, picturing them together. The kiss Hyde described. The way she flushes when he calls her beautiful. The way she hangs on his every word.
Her fingers curl against my sternum, nails dragging over my skin. My heart’s pounding so hard I feel it in my fucking teeth.
