I see him lying in a pool of his blood on a dark, dirty street, far away from me... all because I didnothing.
I shudder, bringing the wine glass to my lips, and gulp down half just to steady the tremble in my fingers.
Koby promised he’d always keep me safe... but who keeps him safe? Who makes sure he doesn’t risk his life unnecessarily?
My heart shrinks, aching. The idea of a world without him is unbearable.
Carter leans forward, bracing both elbows on his knees. He’s intimidating on a good day, but right now, with his narrowed eyes and the muscles in his forearms straining, veins popping... he looks lethal.
“What do you think?” he asks. “Could Anton kill his own brother?”
I ponder the idea, recalling every time I witnessed his rage.
Anton went off the rails the night we met, slicing up two men beyond recognition. He inflicted so much pain, almost bathing in their blood, after one of them aimed his gun at me.
He didn’t even know me, but a threat against my life triggered his darkest side. He was a vicious animal, stabbing over and over again even though he had a gun... he could’ve ended their lives immediately with a bullet.
When he brought Octavius home, Anton snapped as soon as he saw my eyes well up. I could see murder flashing behind his gaze.
He held it back that night, but I doubt he would’ve managed had Octavius stepped any closer. If he’d touched me, hurt me in any way, Anton’s logic would’ve evaporated. He’d be driven by a primal urge.
The night he tortured my father... he beat him bloody, tore his fingernails off, broke his bones. Back then, I thought it was all about punishing me, but now, remembering his quiet, trembling, regretful voice while he cleaned my wounds, I realize I misunderstood.
The mindless animal inside him took the reins because he couldn’t stand seeing me hurt.
And the only one to blame was me. It wasmeinflicting pain on myself.
Anton needed an outlet for the emotions my behavior and suffering triggered. He needed an outlet for the chaos, and my father was the only person he could hurt without consequences.
“He’s capable of killing anyone,” I say. “But discovering Octavius passed me to someone else won’t be enough. He needs a more powerful trigger.”
Koby shifts beside me, his hand twitching toward mine before he digs his fingers into his thigh so hard his knuckles whiten.
“What kind of trigger?”
“Me. Crying, preferably hurt, begging. He’ll kill Octavius if he thinks he or his actions led to me getting hurt. He’ll kill Octavius for failing to keep me safe, and then he’ll kill anyone he thinks actually did the hurting.”
The room goes so silent you’d hear a pin drop. Every man is lost in thought, plans materializing, I’m sure. Only Dante is still watching me, his expression puzzled.
Ryder taps his fingers against his leg like he’s trying to give his thoughts a rhythm and Koby goes deathly still.
“No,” he snarls at no one in particular. “Don’t even think about putting her near him. Don’t fucking suggest using her as bait. She stays with me.”
My pulse spikes, ringing in my ears at the thought of seeing Anton again. That voice every Saturday morning flips me right back into his obedient little sweetheart.
It’s been getting easier to stay here, to live in the now for longer, but I still slip through the cracks.
If he holds this much power over me from thousands of miles away, what would happen if he stood right in front of me?
I swallow hard, frustration bubbling inside my chest. That feral thing Koby loves starts clawing my ribs, my lungs, then tries climbing out through my throat.
Anton holds my strings, pulls them like a master puppeteer. I hate it. I hatehim, and the possibility of becoming his nemesis sends a sick thrill through my system. Just knowing I could help put him six feet under injects a sense of clarity.
I never considered the possibility of breaking his hold. I always knew that even if Carter killed him, the memories wouldn’t magically disappear. They’d still overwhelm me from time to time. I’d always feel weak.
Now, I’m wondering if such blatant defiance could help sever that toxic connection.
If I become the cause of his death, will that override the helplessness? Will tipping the power imbalance heal me?
