She asked like she’s only telling me things to satisfy my curiosity, but the way she’s laid everything out says otherwise. She needs someone to listen. She wants to let it all out, but doesn’t want to admit it.
I set the boxes down, sit beside her, close enough that our knees brush under the blanket, and hand her a cookie. “Yes. Anything you’re willing to say.”
15
Leilani
Every day was the same. A carefully structured routine, the kind that little girls need. Anton’s voice was my alarm clock.
“Good morning, petal. Open your eyes for me.”
I did. Then I let him feed me, dress me, brush my teeth while he hummed some soft tune. He touched me with a tenderness that felt worse than violence because it made me complicit.
“No, sweetie, no swearing. Pretty things like you don’t swear.”He wiped my lips with his thumb, as if he could erase theshitI blurted out when I tripped over my own feet.“Let’s not wrinkle that pretty face with ugly words.”
“Time doesn’t matter in here. Only me and you.”
“You love this story, don’t you, petal? Which part is your favorite?”
“Did you forget to say ‘please’? Try again.”
“Are we having a tantrum?”He lifted me into his arms, carrying me into my bedroom, his fingers drawing soothing circles on the nape of my neck.“I think my little one needs a nap.”
“No, no, no. We don’t say ‘I want.’ We say ‘May I?’”
The few times I broke down, begging him to stop, to let me do something myself, he was disappointed,heartbrokenthat I’d risk my father’s life.
Obeying was easier than spending hours with no food or drink in the pitch-black closet. Easier than hearing him sigh and remind me I was his little princess, and should act like one.
I was forgetting who I was, what I liked, what my dreams and hopes were. Anton meticulously dismantled every part of my personality until I couldn’t tell where I ended and his influence began.
It was worse than prison.
“What are you missing, petal? What could you possibly need that I haven’t already given you?”He smoothed a hand down my hair, carefully untangling a knot near my nape.“Pretty clothes, warm meals, a safe home, someone who takes care of you. How many girls can say they have that? Hmm? How many can say they have someone who loves them unconditionally?”His tone thickened as if his obsession was sacred, as if I’d asked for it and become ungrateful.“You can’t think death would be better than this. You’re safe. You’re mine. You’re perfect.”
Still, whenever courage struck me, whenever things became too overwhelming—like the long hours when Anton was out—I planned and schemed, hoping I’d get away one day.
I tried the windows, earning more closet time, more threats against my father, more chiding.
I couldn’t tell how long I’d been his prisoner before I saw another person. Time either crawled or raced... I couldn’t measure it while I was locked in the too-bright loft where everything smelled like antiseptic, clean linen, and Anton.
It was early afternoon when his tense voice rang from the small speaker on the nanny cam, letting me know he’d be home soon, with his brother.
He told me to wait in the living room. Said I’d get a special treat if I behaved: chocolate.
I wasn’t allowed sweets, but it wasn’t a fucking chocolate bar that kept me on my best behavior that day. I simply knew the consequences of disobedience.
My father’s life was on the line. I’d have behaved regardless of the prize, but the thought of chocolate melting on my tongue made me almost giddy.
Twenty or thirty minutes later, Octavius Grey arrived, bloodied and furious, a fresh bullet wound gaping in his shoulder. Anton was a little better, no holes, but knuckles scraped raw and stained red.
He rushed across the room, dropping to his knees before me, and cradled my face, his alarmed eyes searching mine.
“Shh, petal, I’m here now.”
I wasn’t sure why he was acting so distressed. Why he was calming me down when I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t even uncomfortable. I wasnumbbut that was nothing new.
“Christ, Anton,”Octavius muttered, scanning my frilly dress, the ribbons in my hair, and my artificially blushed cheeks.“I knew you were fucking weird, but this?”He collapsed on the couch, rolling his shoulder with a groan.
