“It’s real.” He takes a seat beside me, both hands wrapped around his coffee cup. “You’re not hiding from me, Summer. I’ll take fear overfineevery time.”
I’ll take Summer over Winter every time.
“Fear I can work with,” he continues. “I can reassure you, show you there’s nothing to be afraid of.Fineis fake. It’s a mask. It ties my hands. Tell mewhyfear.”
“I tried hard not to give into this... pull between us,” I admit. Hiding and belittling these feelings Ryder’s evoked didn’t work for long. “But you make me feel things I haven’t felt in a very long time. You’ve been burrowing your way under my skin since day one and now... now you hold a piece of me.”
“That doesn’t explain why you’re scared. You think I don’t feel this pull? That I don’t feel the same way?”
I shake my head softly. “I know you do. You were jealous last night, so I know I’m not alone in this.”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
“I just...” I pause, chewing my bottom lip.
This is hard. Talking about feelings and fears goes against everything I’ve taught myself.
Ryder takes my hand, weaving our fingers together, his thumb ghosting my knuckles. “Don’t stop now. Tell me.”
“I don’t trust you not to break that piece I gave you,” I whisper, eyes on my coffee. “I’m scared how fast my feelings are growing. How much I want you. I’m scared that maybe this whole thing is a bet with Koby, or—”
He stands abruptly and I swallow my words when he grabs me by the waist. He lifts me off my stool and onto the breakfast bar, stepping between my legs, his big hands on my face, lips crushing mine. The kiss is slow, soothing, so passionate.
“This isn’ta bet,” he insists. “Why would you think that?”
“It happened before.”
His hands drop to my thighs. “What do you mean?”
“Not today, okay? This... we... it’s too fast. Don’t push.”
He cracks his neck, his fingers dimpling my thighs. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me yet. But you’ll listen.” He levels his eyes with mine. “I’m not playing you, Bianca. Iwantyou. I’ve wanted you since I first saw you. And when you arrived atScarlettin tears you fuckingownedme.”
“We’ve been arguing every day.”
“Yeah, because I was pissed off that you hid the real you. That tough-girl act drove me crazy. I know you’re capable. I know you’re independent, but you overdo it.”
“I don’t know any other way.”
He curls a finger under my chin. “You’ve been taking care of yourself your whole life, haven’t you?”
“I grew up with food, clothes, a roof over my head... No affection, though. No love, no one who’d listen when I had a problem. I didn’t live in a cupboard under the stairs, but—”
“Did you just reference Harry Potter?” He chuckles, stamping a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll show you what it means to be cared for, Summer.”
The warmth spreading through me is overwhelming. It’s not the first time Ryder’s kissed my head. He did it yesterday, calming me down after Broadway dropped a severed human head in Carter’s living room.
I’m instantly reminded that despite knowing who those people are and what they’re capable of, when Ryder held me, I wasn’t scared. Vaughn’s the reason I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, not Ryder.
Then again, unlike the others, he wasn’t covered in blood yesterday. He didn’t carry the severed head inside.
I rest my palm against Ryder’s chest, pushing him aside so I can hop off the breakfast bar. “Can I ask a question?” Regaining my seat on the stool, I wrap my fingers around my coffee.
“What do you want to know?”
“Have you ever killed anyone?” I stare into my cup, holding my breath.
“Don’t ask questions if you’re afraid of the answers.”
