“Um... no, I... I zoned out.”
My blood runs a fever from the intense embarrassment. I’m sure he can tell I’ve been daydreaming. My face is so hot I’m surprised I’ve not caught on fire.
“What were you thinking about?” he coaxes, a small smirk playing across those full lips I wish were really on mine. “You’re blushing, Hailey.”
I tug the strands of his hoodie. “I’m warm.”
This time a full-blown, knowing smile twists his mouth. It’s a rare sight. He’s always so guarded...
I shamelessly stare at the twinkle of joy in his brown irises.
“Are you going to the party next week?” I deflect his attention from my pink cheeks. “Same place as last time but there’s supposed to be a big bonfire.”
“Why are you going? You told Chloe it’s not your scene.”
“It isn’t but she’s persuasive and... I’m tired of spending every evening alone, obsessing over the past, my dad, and the lies.” I steal a few cold fries from his box, chewing slowly.
“You haven’t answered my question, Hailey.”
I don’t point out that he completely ignoredmine. Maybe he misunderstood, thinking I wanted us to go together, and he’s letting me down easy.
“What did Alex do that makes you wonder why you were with him?”
I tense up, recalling Alex talking about his other girl. I don’t want to admit it aloud, but the words spill out anyway.
“He was seeing someone else while he was with me.”
“You knew he was cheating, and you stayed with him?”
The accusation makes me shrink back on myself. “I don’t know. I don’t remember what happened after I found out. I just remember him saying how special she is.” I pop another fry into my mouth, staring out the window. “I thought about it a lot and I don’t blame him.”
“What? Why the hell not?” He reaches out, curling one finger under my chin to turn my head his way, his eyes boring into mine. “Tell me you don’t blame yourself.”
“No, it’s not that. I blame the rope that snapped and left scars all up my thigh. The barbed wire I fell into, the saw I cut my hand open on.” I chuckle without humor. “I guess my clumsiness is on me.”
“You think he cheated because of your scars?”
“I’m covered in them, Nash. Even more now, since the accident. It’s not a pretty sight, believe me.” Sitting up straight, I grab the seatbelt. “We should head back.”
“Hailey, look at me.”
I let out a breath, forcing my frown into a smile. “I’m fine. His loss, right?”
“You’ll realize how true that is when you believe it.”
You’ll realize how wrong you are if you ever see my scars.
23
Carter
The temporary high of a job well done makes my fingers itch as I quietly open Hailey’s door. I’ve become somewhat of a master at picking her lock, down to fifteen seconds from the three minutes I started with on the first night.
Time at Lakeside moves at its own pace, faster than Chicago. Faster than Ohio. One minute I’m arriving on campus, filled with hatred toward the girl who aided and abetted my sister’s death. The next minute it’s three weeks later, and I’m struggling to walk the path I chose.
It’s hard. The hatred weakens every day, but chantingshe killed Aalyiahonrepeat keeps me relatively on track.
Quality, undisturbed sleep makes the days blur into each other. No late-night wake-up calls, no early mornings spent carving the skin of men who wrong me or Dante Carrow. Four hours in bed is a privilege back home. Here, seven is a short night. A restless night.
