On the one hand, I understand her reasoning. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties regardless of what’s happening. She’d love being on her knees for me. I’d make it so fucking good for both of us. I know I would.
She should’ve told me about Alex the moment we went the distance. I would’ve been more careful with her from the start if I’d known.
Trauma like that lingers, but she’s kept her mouth shut, dealing with it alone. She hasn’t even written about it. There’s nothing on the pages about Alex sexually abusing her and she said those memories have been flooding since that time she jumped out of my car in the woods.
“Why didn’t you write about this in your diary?”
As the words leave my mouth, I realize my mistake.
It’s a sobering moment.
I’ve lost sight of the goal recently, drowning in Hailey, sinking deeper and deeper under an avalanche of feelings I should’ve never entertained.
The goal hasn’t changed and those fucking feelings made me slip up. The rage over someone using her got the better of me, and I didn’t think before I spoke, jeopardizing the mission.
The softness of Hailey’s features disappears, replaced by narrowed eyes and pinched lips.
“You read my diary?” Her voice, dripping with disbelief, is barely above a whisper but it hits me harder than if she’d yelled the question.
The atmosphere changes so fast it gives me whiplash.
From her sadness and my anger to my remorse and her disappointment.
Who would’ve thought I’d give a damn about being a decent human being?
That I’d crave her trust as much as her body?
“You had no right,” she adds, angry tears filling her eyes, the sight like a fucking gunshot wound tearing through my muscles. “That’s private.”
“I’m sorry, Hailey. I shouldn’t have read it, but—”
She shakes her head, her voice breaking like eggshells. “There is nobut! When did you even have time to read it?!”
My chest feels heavy, tight, so fucking painful as I watch her cry. I’ve seen her tears before, but I’ve never been their cause and that makes a big difference.
“I fucked up,” I admit, rising from my seat. “I should’ve never crossed that line. I...” I pause weighing my options.
I either come clean right now, hoping she’ll stay long enough to let me explain, or I lie, making sure she doesn’t have a reason to call her father and run.
One day... one day I’ll be the decent man she deserves, but that day can’t be today.
“I was curious. I wanted to know everything about you and help you navigate this.”
“And you chose to invade my privacy? I’ve told you everything.” She’s still not shouting. “You had no right.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” I climb onto the bed, pulling her into my arms. “I’m sorry pretty girl. I thought I could help.”
She shudders gently but doesn’t move away and that’s half the battle won. “I thought I could trust you.”
“You can. You know that, Hailey.”
This is agonizing.
Every day I weave this web tighter, adding more layers of lies. At some point, there’ll be no turning back.
“It was only once,” I say, lulling her into a false sense of security. “After I came back from Chicago. I couldn’t sleep, and your diary was on the bedside table.”
She’s silent for a while, chasing her own conclusions. The whole time she’s thinking, I ghost my fingers down her spine, my lips on her temple.
