“An apology. I can’t face him. Not after everything I did, so I wrote a letter. Read it, okay? I want you to know, and if you decide he should see it, give it to Cody.”
“It’s not my place to decide what he should or shouldn’t see. I’ll give it to him when he comes back.”
“Thank you.” She offers me a small smile, already backing away. “You make a cute couple, you know?”
She doesn’t wait for me to respond, turning and marching away, her heels clicking against the sidewalk.
I lose my appetite by the time I drop the bag on the kitchen island.
Ana did say she wanted me to read it...
Before I can talk myself out of it, I sit on the couch and unfold the letter.
Cody,
A letter. How very nineties of me, right?
Maybe in a way, but the truth is, I’m scared to face you. I made a mess of my life. There’s a lot I need to get off my chest, and I owe you an apology.
Hopefully, by the time you finish reading, things will make more sense, and you’ll understand why I behaved the way I did.
First, I’m sorry for dragging you into my messed-up world. It wasn’t fair. You never deserved the crazy you got from me.
I blamed myself for my brother’s suicide and, in a twisted way, I started punishing myself. I couldn’t deal with the guilt, knowing he could still be alive if I had found time for him.
My brother’s girl broke up with him, and I wasn’t there when he needed me most. I was so caught up in my own life that I didn’t give him the time and attention he needed. He called me the night before he died, asking me to come over... I didn’t, and then he was gone.
Everything fell apart. I thought that by setting myself up for your rejection, I could feel a fraction of the pain he did. I’m sorry you got caught in the middle. I have nothing in my defense other than that I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I’m sure you’ve noticed—with great relief—that I’ve not been around for a few weeks. I’ve been in daily therapy since I last saw you.
I would probably be stalking you still if my mom hadn’t asked me to help clean out my brother’s place. Seeing his empty apartment and dealing with all that guilt was too much. I broke down.
Now that I’m in therapy, popping pills, I’m starting to get better. I’m working through that guilt, learning to live again.
I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry for the drama and thank you for never filing that restraining order like I know you wanted to.
I hope you can forgive me. Once I’m all better, maybe we can grab a drink and make fun of my stalking.
Ana
***
“B,” I hear Cody whisper, softly but urgently, his fingers grazing my cheek. “B, wake up, baby. I need you.”
A flutter in my belly pulls me further out of sleep, the anticipation sky-high. Slowly, I open my eyes, finding him sitting beside me, nothing but his silhouette visible in the darkness.
“Hey,” I murmur, reaching to touch his face. “I half expected I’d wake up with you already sliding inside me.”
“It crossed my mind, but we’ve not discussed it.”
“You have my consent to fuck me while I sleep.” I yawn, stretching out before I sit up. “What time is it?”
“Almost three.” He grips my waist when I get up, standing me between his legs, his lips kissing the hollow between my breasts. “You’re not getting any more sleep tonight.”
“Okay, but I need three minutes in the bathroom first.”
“Two.” He pats my butt. “Not a second longer.”
