Guilt gnaws at me whenever she’s not around to distract me from my thoughts, but I ponder calling it off ten times a day, feeling like an asshole for indulging in Blair, of all people. I feel even worse when we’re together, and I can barely keep myself from dipping my head to take her lips in mine.
I’m not lying to myself, though. I know I won’t call it off. Not yet. I’ve not had my fill. One second of remembering what she feels like coming beneath me, and calling it off seems like a felony. Besides, no one knows.
No one will know unless either of us decides otherwise, and sex with Blair is something out of this world. When we’re alone, she’s not on guard. No masks, no pretending, no fake smiles, or bitchy attitude. She’s pliant and submissive, or demanding, depending on my mood.
She’s perfect and I have no control around her.
I’m weak.
There, I fucking said it. I’m weak.
No matter how bad I feel about fraternizing with the enemy I can’t stop this.
What Mia’s eyes don’t see won’t hurt her, and this meaningless arrangement with Blair might just stop my obsessive, compulsive protectiveness toward my brother’s fiancée.
There is nothing healthy about it. Neither for me nor her.
I almost blocked her relationship with Nico because I was so fixated on keeping her sheltered. Thank God he doesn’t give up easily. By his side, Mia blossomed from a timid, afraid of her own shadow, sweet little girl to a still sweet but confident young woman.
She doesn’t take his bullshit like she did at the beginning. She stands up for herself. She’sfine, and I need to stop walking on eggshells wherever she’s concerned.
Try as I might, I couldn’t fight the feral need that consumes me whenever Blair’s close. I stayed away for two weeks after that first time, running around in fucking circles before I snapped.
Making our sexcapades more regular didn’t cross my mind until I painted the delicate skin of her back with my cum and realized that wasit.Done. Over.
The last thing I wanted was for it to be over.
But it’s just sex. Nothing more.
When she set the rules while standing naked in my bathroom, I almost saidno way, remembering the man who screamed at her while we were on the phone. I’m not sure but I think it’s the same man who screamed at her the night she slept in my arms.
I need answers because I didn’t like that guy’s tone. Derogatory, spiteful... that’s no way to talk to a woman.
Even if that woman is Blair.
I had time to think about everything she told me while Noah napped on my couch. I spent two weeks overthinking our every encounter, unearthing the little things she said, the things she only implied and... I’m having a hard time hating her as much as I did before.
I still hate her—pinky promise—but it doesn’t come as effortlessly. I have no trouble fucking her brains out, though.
But while we’re acting like perfect strangers, I wonder what she does when she’s not with me, alone in her condo. I wonder if she thinks about me. I wonder if she cries herself to sleep.
I wonder why I fucking wonder.
“Who the fuck are you dressing up for?!”
Those words come back and hit me a few times a day.
Is that guy dangerous? He sounded like someone who wouldn’t have an issue smacking a girl about, but I’ve been scrutinizing Blair’s body every time we have sex, and so far, not a single mark on her perfect skin.
Not one bruise, cut, not one sign someone touched her against her will. And you don’t ask a guy to face-fuck you if you went through that kind of trauma, so there’s that.
Another thing about our little dalliance that surprised me is the weight these rules took off my shoulders. Instead of obsessing that I’m doing a stupid thing with the girl I should never touch, I accept us for what we are—physical.
Primitive, desire-driven, great sex.
Blair made sure it’s impersonal. A dirty deed. No chats, no kisses, no way we could crave more. We severed the connection sprouting between us before it properly took root. The same connection that had us digging through the piles of crap in our past. We channeled that effort into testing our limits in bed.
I found zero in Blair so far.
