It’s a hard pill to swallow, but despite how furious her words make me, at least I know she’s telling the truth. Instead of playing the ‘I was just a kid and didn’t know any better’ card, she’s exposing her darkest secrets. Not many people openly admit guilt like this.
I bet not even Brandon knows.
I bet she never told anyone.
“It made me feel like I mattered,” she continues quietly, sliding her can from hand to trembling hand across the counter. “It started in kindergarten. The first time Jake made her cry, everyone started listening... following him. It was amazing. Such an easy way to have friends, to be heard and seen...
“I started doing the same, picking on her by his side because I loved the strength it gave me. I know it sounds messed up, but that’s how it was. Other girls looked up to me, said and did nice things, and...” Her voice cracks, prompting me to look up.
I’ve been staring at the oven all this time, watching madeleines bake. Tears well in Blair’s eyes, nose pink, chin quivering.
I’m not far from snapping and kicking her out. She has no right to look this vulnerable and hurt. She deserves to feel like shit for what she’s done, but the concern spearing my insides stuns me into silence.
“I didn’t realize until senior year in high school that I was projecting onto her all those years. What I did to her was the thing I was running from myself,” she adds in a whisper.
I move my g-pawn up, grinding my teeth before I trust myself enough to ask. “Running from what?”
“That’s not important. I told you I won’t make excuses.” She wipes her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. “When college started, Jake wasn’t there anymore, but my friends stayed even though I stopped taking shit out on Mia. The respect I’d earned over the years lingered. People still saw me, still listened when I talked, so I left Mia alone.” She glances at me, holding my gaze as she says, “Once you took her under your wing, bullying meant going againstyou, and... I had the biggest crush on you when I saw you in college. Hurting the girl you were so protective of wouldn’t win me any points, but...” She pinches her lips, eyes welling with tears again, and she gently shakes her head like she’s done.
Like she’s refusing to say another word.
“Keep going, B,” I encourage, hiding any trace of the mixed emotions tearing me apart. “You got this far.”
Shutting her eyes tight, she inhales a calming breath. “Brandon fell in love with her. He didn’t realize it, but I did. I knew that if he made it work, I’d lose him, and I couldn’t lose him, Cody. He’s the closest thing to family I have.”
“Family? You’ve been sleeping with him on and off for years. Now you’re friends, even though he’s a shitty friend at best, and you call him yourfamily? That’s messed up.”
“He’s had my back through thick and thin. Well... almost. He’s a little lost and immature, but he’s got a good heart, even if his head is sometimes screwed on the wrong way.”
“You’re evading. If you don’t want to answer, say so.”
“I’m not evading. I’m explaining.” She sighs, shifting her queen to h4, and I get the most genuine smile I’ve seen from her. “Checkmate.”
“What?” My eyes drop to the board. “How?”
She points to the diagonal e1 to h4 that exposes my king. “You’re not good at this. This is the fastest checkmate you can perform in chess.”
“Looks like I need a few lessons.”
“Anytime.” She beams, but her smile slips off fast. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Mondays and Thursdays?” I cut her off because I don’t want her back in defensive mode.
I wantthisgirl. She’s... nice. Fun. Beautiful and caring. She’s a good person.
Her eyes widen a little, but she smiles, her shoulders relaxing as she nods. “That’ll work.” She grabs another cookie, handing one to me as well. “And about Brandon... I know there were rumors flying around campus, but we were never a thing. Neither casual nor serious nor a one-night deal.”
“Never?” I echo, not comprehending the information fast enough. “Never? Why didn’t you do anything about the rumors?”
“I started them, Cody. Brandon’s the only person I trust. He knows things no one else does, and I needed him.”
“So you told everyone you were sleeping with him so other girls would steer clear?”
She nods, her cheeks hotter by the second. “Not many girls dared stand in my way back then. I fueled the rumors, but they only worked because Brandon never wanted more than sex until he noticed Mia. My mom died the day before the Spring Break party, and he wasn’t there for me.”
“So you took it out on Mia,” I say, connecting the dots. “She did nothing wrong, Blair. Brandon’s the one who hurt you.” I don’t realize I’ve slammed my fist on the counter until she flinches, her eyes filling with fresh tears. “You humiliated her. Youburnedher hair! How fucked up is that?!”
“I know... I—” She clamps her mouth shut, tears spilling down her cream cheeks as she slips off the bar stool. “I’m sorry, Cody. I... I don’t have anything but apologies, and I know they don’t mean anything, but they’re sincere.” She pushes a long, shaky breath past her lips, glancing at the oven. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I have to go, but thank you for today and, and... take the next batch out before it burns,” she rambles, backing out around the corner until I hear the door slam shut.
