When I step closer, getting everything ready to change out the oil of one of the most important cars in the county, Sidewinder tilts his head slightly.
“You know, you should go for it.” When I look at him in confusion, he clarifies, “With Graycie?”
I can’t help but ask, “Weren’t you giving me shit just a few days ago?”
“That doesn’t mean you should listen to me,” he points out. He steps a little closer, and his voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper, “I’m all fucked up, brother. I don’t want you to let the woman you want slip through your fingers. Claim her and make sure the entire club knows. Fuck,” he runs his fingers through his hair, “make sure the entire fucking county knows.”
I look at one of my best friends, a man who I have faced the worst and my best days with, and I’m momentarily speechless. There’s sadness in his eyes, and longing.
“What’s up, Sidewinder? You good?”
The smile he flashes me is brittle. “I’m fine,” he blows me off, but I don’t believe a word of it.
Something is wrong. But I’ve known this man long enough to know he’s not going to tell me a damn thing unless he wants to.
“You’re a damn liar is what you are, brother.”
His shoulders roll forward, almost like he’s trying to protect himself. “Really, I’m fine. I just don’t want you to walk away from the woman you want just because some of us have given you a little bit of shit about it. It’s only because you’ve never shown any interest in anyone, not like this.”
I run my fingers through my hair. “I’ve never been interested in a woman like this. There’s no way to explain what happened when I saw her.” I shrug one shoulder and try to find the words. “I don’t understand it myself. Sure, the club whores and the hang arounds weren’t really doing it for me lately, but I never expected someone like Graycie to walk into my life. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
When I look away from him, my eyes aren’t focused on anything as I remember the way the sun hit the natural highlights in her hair. She looked like an angel. The way she glowed hooked me. I just needed to be closer to her.
I still do. It feels like an itch under my skin that I can’t scratch.
“I can almost feel her behind me on my bike. Leaning into turns with me. Tightening her grip when I go a little faster. Her laughter and joy as I open it up while we use the sun as a guide and the wind wraps around us.”
When I blink a few times and my eyes come into focus, Sidewinder is looking at me with a pained expression on his face.
“Hold onto that feeling,” his voice is strained, “and don’t let anyone take it away from you.”
“Never,” I bite out the word fiercely, meaning it to the deepest part of me.
“Remember,” his hand lands on my shoulder and he gives a squeeze, “we all have your back.”
“I know.” I tilt my head slightly while I study the man in front of me, the same man who has had my back every single day since we were in diapers. “What about you? Anyone you’re interested in? I haven’t seen you with a club whore or anyone else in a while. What’s up with that? You need some tips on picking up a woman because you’ve gotten rusty?”
He barks out a laugh before flipping me off and striding to where his mechanic bay sits. Even though he doesn’t dignify my bullshit with a response, he doesn’t have to. I know what I’ve seen; and what I haven’t seen.
The man has been living as a monk for a while now. He’s also been spending more time away from the clubhouse. If that doesn’t spell secret woman, I don’t know what does.
Sidewinder has never been the kind of man to spill his secrets, not before he’s ready. I just hope when he is ready that he knows he can come to me.
The patch and the cut aren’t the only things holding us together; he’s way more than just my club brother. He’s one of my best friends.
His support and encouragement hits me right in the center of my chest. I have no idea how I’m going to make it happen, but I will be making Graycie mine. No matter fucking what.
CHAPTER 7
GRAYCIE
He’s so close. I can feel the way his breath, stinking of scotch and cigarettes, fans over my neck. Everything in me wants to shrink away from him, but I know what will happen if I do.
As much as he loves it when I’m afraid, he doesn’t like to see my fear. I think it makes him believe he hasn’t broken me already or it gives him something to reprogram about me. But it doesn’t work. Whenever I try to straighten my spine andstand up for myself, he’ll laugh in my face.
“You’re nothing, Graycie,” his voice is a dark, sinister whisper. I’m unable to stop my body from shivering at the way his lips graze my earlobe. “You’re just a little girl pretending to be a woman. Why would you ever think you’re enough for me? Or anyone?”
A whimper escapes my lips even though I try to hold it in. I can almost taste his glee at the cracks his words create in the foundation of who I am. Or maybe I never knew who I was to begin with. Maybe I was always an easy target; maybe it’s simply my lot in life.
